This woman's opinions on my baby piss me off

[GoldenRetrieverSandy]

I have a 40 year odd old cousin who I see about every month when I visit her parents. She has no kids. When I take my 4 month old she asks in an accusing tone what classes he is doing and informs me I must be doing this that and the other with him. She was horrified I haven't arranged a holiday abroad with him yet or arranged for my mother to look after him when I go back to work! He's 4 fucking months old. No wonder some women get PND

Just smile politely on the outside and completely disregard everything she says. She sounds nuts, babies don't give a shit if they've been abroad or not.

Sounds like projections on what she would have done had she had children.

Nod and smile.

Then vent on here to us.

Ah, the perfect parent with no kids. I remember those days.

Just tell her that your son is fine and if you want her opinion you’ll ask her.

One sentence only ... ‘The best parents are the ones with no children’. Tell her that with a smile and let her stew over it.

Does she have a career, interest or hobby which you have zero experience or knowledge of? If so, next time she starts offering her unasked-for advice, you should offer her some equally silly advice on her career or whatever, and see how happy she is when the shoe is on the other foot.

Or just smile pityingly at her, whilst thinking ‘you know nothing and you sound so ridiculous, pretending to have all this knowledge.’

Or just say, politely and calmly, “I am perfectly happy with the way we are raising our child, and your unwanted advice is just causing me stress. Please stop. Thank you.”

Just ignore. If you took your 4 month old abroad tomorrow, he wouldn't remember any of the trip.

I spent several months in Istanbul as a baby, as well as visiting Antigua and California.

Safe to say I remember absolutely fuck all about any of those places.

According to my mum I was ill and grumpy the entire time we were in Antigua and they wished they hadn't bothered.

“I am perfectly happy with the way we are raising our child, and your unwanted advice is just causing me stress. Please stop. Thank you.”

This ^ Say this.

The woman sounds jealous and bitter.

Anyone remember Rachel in Friends?

"Babies don't care if they're slim!"

I was such a dick before I actually had a child. I'd love to go back and erase it. I cringe at some of the shit I used to say.

I have a relative who is the absolute expert on kids and parenting and is always telling me, my sister and my brother what we're doing wrong. It's irritating as fuck but she has no children and it's not by choice - she wanted them desperately - so we cut her some slack, smile, nod and just let it roll off our backs. The real issue is her own pain, not our failings, and we know it.

I'd be asking her where she got all her child rearing expertise from.

I can't offer much in terms of advice but I can totally relate to having a bitch of a 40 year old cousin! I am pregnant with my first child and she genuinely can't find a nice word to say about me becoming a Mum! I now avoid all social events that include her. It's a shame I don't get to see a lot of my much loved Uncle and Auntie anymore but I have to put myself and my emotional well-being first. My family just say she is jealous of my happiness, could that be the case with you OP?

No don't just nod and smile. I get so peeved off with a lot of people on MN basically allowing absolutely appalling behaviour go unchallenged. The great MN retort of "did you mean to be so rude?" would be great in this situation IMO

I’d ask her why and what evidence she’s read in books etc about which makes these things worthwhile.
I do that with a family member who offers unsolicited opinions but I ask in a very innocent way but it puts her on the back foot as it’s always something she’s heard of a friend has told her

There is no better parenting on earth than the hypothetical parenting done by the childless!

Her reasoning is she's got qualifications so knows exactly what to do with children! God help us all

These are the kinds of situations where I pull a confused face for a moment then burst out laughing followed by “oh x, you are sooo funny!”

Why she is being like his would decide how I would to react to it.

Like a PP said, it could be that she would love to have kids but couldnt for whatever reason and is projecting. Or she is just plain envious of your life because hers didnt follow the same path.

If it was that then I would go with smile, nod, ignore.

However if she is just a pita know it all then I would say something along the lines of her "advice" being unwanted and to pack it in.

Probably don't make any snide retorts to a 40 year old woman about her childlessness. Chances are that could hurt a lot more than her questions about you going on holiday, annoying as it might be.

Your always going to come across these types of people, I just grin and ignore. Never took my kids to any classes, they are now teens and have not been abroad.

Well better than my cousin who when I was at my mothers with my 2 year old and tiny twins (where she had rocked up with her two nasty snappy dogs-who my mother insisted were put outside) who just sniffed, curled her lip and said "Ugh, babies. And all boys too". Even her mother was shocked. My mum just said "Well of course you were never a baby were you?"

Ah Jesus, the "I'm not a parent but I have qualifications/ experience" line. My child free friend does that. Constantly constantly questioning every parenting choice I make then sneering over how silly I am. Especially over things like choosing to breastfeed/ cosleep etc which apparently guarantee that my son will be a "spoilt brat". But she knows best because she's met a lot of people with babies, has younger siblings, and babysat as a teenager. So in her mind she has 15 years experience, whereas I've "only" been a parent for a few years. She won't hear it that it isn't the same. I grit my teeth because she is utterly desperate to have children but it seems unlikely to happen any time soon and I know how depressed that makes her. Doesn't make it less bloody irritating though!

My ex's wife is like that, expecting impossible levels of good behaviour from the dgd. So sad because now dgd is getting older it is affecting her relationship with granddad and making her unhappy.