This woman's opinions on my baby piss me off

[GoldenRetrieverSandy]

I have a 40 year odd old cousin who I see about every month when I visit her parents. She has no kids. When I take my 4 month old she asks in an accusing tone what classes he is doing and informs me I must be doing this that and the other with him. She was horrified I haven't arranged a holiday abroad with him yet or arranged for my mother to look after him when I go back to work! He's 4 fucking months old. No wonder some women get PND

Actually this thread has made me pity her

Why on earth is she ‘horrified’ that you haven’t arranged a holiday abroad of all things?!

I have a relative like this. She actually has adult children, so not quite the same. Our approaches to parenting are completely different, and the way she gave “advice” was really undermining.

I used to just shrug it off and ignore, and I didn’t see her much anyway. But then when my DD was around 4yo my lovely relative decided to tell DD (in front of me) that I was far too soft on her, that if she was in charge things would be different etc. That crossed a line, and so I said, calmly but very firmly, that I was happy with how I was raising MY children, and that I would ask for advice if I wanted it. Something about my tone made her stop- she’s never done it since.

The irony is that my relative is massively soft on her DCs- giving one of them lifts to work every day (because they can’t walk 20 minutes!), lying to the police when one of the DCs was caught stealing (some story about them grieving due to a death in the family- total nonsense), lending them thousands of pounds over the years with no hope of repayment, never saying no to them. They have absolutely no respect for her and it’s so sad to see.

Yes, like Tillytrotter I'm a bit puzzled by the pp saying you need to go gently with her because she doesn't have dc of her own and that might cause her unhappiness.

She's clearly not worried about causing unhappiness by giving her unwanted opinions and criticism of the way the OP is raising her baby.

Some people just need to told that their words of 'wisdom' are not helpful nor are they wanted. And apart from everything else she's talking rubbish.

My childfree older sister was a nanny for many years and been a bit sneery about some of my parenting choices, as well as quite critical (to me) of parents she has worked for. I ignore unasked for advice where she thinks she would do it better and therefore correctly and sometimes give her 'the look.'

“Please leave the parenting of my child to myself and their father, if we want advice we will ask for it”

You could add in “I know you mean well but please leave parenting to us” if you wanted to.

@GoldenRetrieverSandy in that case I would like to change my previous advice - I agree that pity is probably the most generous standpoint, her choices don't necessarily mean she's not jealous though - if you can't avoid her then just don't bite. She either wants a barny or is really very socially inept. It's a short period of time, you don't care what she thinks so let it wash over you.

My nan was like this during my first pregnancy and after DC1 had been born. Obviously she was not childless but she clearly thought she knew best. I snapped at her for it once and she never did it again, it drove me mad. It’s even worse when it’s your first child and you’re finding your feet.

Your baby won’t remember anything about the first two years of their life. I don’t actually see the point in extravagant holidays during that time.

Next time please say you've signed him up for violin, higher maths and Pilates and You're looking at going on Retreat in northern France.