To be concerned with friends relationship?

[lunaloner]

One of my close friends is 25 and her boyfriend has just turned 40. They were 21 and 36 when they got together. Now don't get me wrong, he's an absolutely lovely bloke and they are very happy, I was a bit wary at first hearing about the age gap but he's been around for so long and they are happy so I just got used to it and kind of forgot about it. I've met him lots of times and he doesn't seem his age and he does look younger, he's a very fun character. However she's just announced they are expecting a baby this year and I feel horrible for feeling this way, but I'm a little concerned. They are both so happy as are their family's.. but I'm just worried that it may not be noticeable now but what happens when she's 35 and he's 50.. they'll have a 10 year old and they want more kids so likely younger children too and I fear the age gap will really become noticeable then. I know it's not my place and my concerns won't change anything.. she's pregnant, engaged and in love. I just really fear for when his age catches up with him... AIBU?

I wouldn't concern yourself over it, can't predict how things will turn out even if they were the same age.

I have read before that one contributing factor to strain in a relationship with an age gap is discrimination in how they're treated by society when the gap is noticeable. I didn't realise that was the common experience of most couples with an age gap since my husband (27) and I (37) have never experienced that ourselves but I don't look older then him in the opinion of basically everyone who ever comes to find out my age.

Point is the fact that your friend's partner seems and looks younger than his years could reduce some of the strain that can be put on a relationship with an age gap.

My parents have a 17 year gap. I'm late 20s, dad is now 83. The gap has only recently become noticeable due to DF having an "older outlook". He's very healthy though and looks and seems younger physically. DM just does her own thing. I have friends with younger divorced parents or who've lost a younger parent.

By contrast, DAunt has previously been openly critical about implications of this gap re aging. DAunt married a man about the same age as herself (72-73 respectively) and is now dealing with the fall out of his failure to recover from a (bad) hip replacement and the ensuing incontinence and now dementia. This is the "same age marriage" and he now seems far more an "old man" than my DF.

Are you jealous YABVU

Yabu
HTH

Ok so you are 'concerned' for her.

What in hell do you think you can do to stop her 'getting hurt', or having to put up with an 'old' man while she is still 'young'?

Is in within your power to stop her marrying this 'older' man? Do you think you should forbid the marriage? No? Then stop worrying about her - she is an adult. Be happy for her.

I wouldn't worry about the age, I don't think it's an issue, it makes me smile that if you're over 55 you can have a bungalow, I've got 2 relatives one 57, one 61 with very heavy duty jobs who are way more fit than me, but get the choice of a bungalow due to age.

Unless he's being horrid in anyway I would leave them to it.

What happens when he's 50? They will have been happily together for 15 years. Which is longer then most same age couples who get together.

I had an age gap with my DH. We were ostracised and I was patronised by nearly everyone. In fact I suffered the same discrimination towards my relationship that my Mother had to her Black Husband. It was tough going, I'm not surprised it can cause people to split.

Age could 'catch up' with her at the same time as him, depending on lifestyle.

So basically your friend, who is fully an Adult, is in love with a decent man that loves her and them and their families are overjoyed because she's pregnant and that's a problem?

Bloody hell you'd be horrified by my family then. We had our first when I was 37 and DP was 39 and our second when I was 40 and DP was 42. We were just incredibly grateful to have our kids and I hope no one is passing judgement on us!

There's 18 years between my DH and myself, I will be 36 in May. Our oldest dd is 7 and DH is not the oldest father in her class (he joked to me he would be the oldest Daddy at the school gate one day and dd piped up no daddy xxxx's Daddy is 3 years older than you). Nobody bats an eyelid because we are happy and get on so well together and DH is in much better health than I am

We just had #3, DH is 44 this year.

If they are happy, you have no other reason to be concerned. Mind your business

I'm 34. DH is 50. We have 2 beautiful kids and he is a brilliant father.

But you're probably right. Best suggest she breaks it off.

And why would she be hurting exactly when he's older?

Signing off - I've got nothing against people having kids older. I've got nothing against people settling down young. I've got nothing against age gap relationships. I just had a moment of bloody concern for my friend which clearly was unnecessary, outright awful and I'm a horrific friend who is single, jealous, gaudy and judgemental! BYE!

Our DD is 7 months now and there's a twenty year gap between me and DP 47, best thing to do is support your friend and let her enjoy her happiness in all luckily hood she is very aware of the age gap. I'm afraid that my DP health may deteriorate but from people who have older dads the main thing is spending quality time with them once DP retires he will have plenty of time with her. Despite age anything could make our lives shorter x

My single friend who is my DD odd parent is my joy in my life she gets wonderfully involved xx keep being a great friend she will appreciate it x