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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel a little disappointed by this birthday "present".

123 replies

BrownIsTheColour · 11/03/2018 16:56

Ok, to start with I do feel awkward about this and am willing to be flamed for being an uncharitable cow..but I need to express...
Last week I celebrated my birthday, and, as Facebook invited me to do so, I did one of those things where you nominate a charity to support on your big day. I didn't really know what I was doing, I thought it was a bit of fun and thought it was more to promote awareness than actually raise money, so I picked a charity and thought no more of it. I wasn't expecting anyone to actually donate, or if they did, maybe a quid or so.
Anyway, on the big day I received a notification that a very close friend had made a big donation to this charity. I was quite chuffed but then I read the message "better than vouchers" and I suddenly realised that this mate had made the donation instead of getting me a present.
So here's where the uncharitable cow comes in. I was quite disappointed when I realised I won't be getting a pressie. The thing is, this friend, just a couple of weeks ago, had specifically asked me what I wanted for my birthday and I had said I would quite like some vouchers for a certain shop. I was going to use the vouchers to put towards a big purchase that this friend was aware I was saving up for.
I know it's ungrateful, and I know that the money has gone to a more deserving cause but I can't help feeling short changed. Couldn't this person have made a small donation and given me vouchers of slightly lesser value? Or donate and give me a pressie? Or even ask if I would have preferred this? This person is very well-off, by the way, so money isn't an issue. If nothing else, it also feels a wee bit lazy. So much easier to click a button on the computer than to go out and get a gift that you said you were going to get someone.
This person has regularly donated to charities on my behalf, albeit in much lesser amounts, when I've done sponsored events so I don't really get how they could think I would want them to do what they have done.
I feel shit about my reaction but also quite let down. I'm seeing this person next week for a belated celebration and I don't know how to react.
I know, on one level IABU but I'd like to know how other would feel in the same circumstances.

OP posts:
ScattyCharly · 11/03/2018 20:06

Social media is evil. Do you really need it?

Facebook invited you to click a button, you didn’t realise the implications.

How I wish everyone would delete all social media Grin

TheTab · 11/03/2018 20:12

Fair play to the OP who made a mistake, got a bit of a slating but took it on the chin.

Hope you got other good gifts 🎁

Didiusfalco · 11/03/2018 20:13

You’ve made me laugh op. Good on you for seeing the funny side and happy birthday! 🎂

midnightmisssuki · 11/03/2018 20:14

🤭 Ahhh - so you wanted to look ‘good’ on social media but got the opposite of what you wanted in the process. Oh dear OP. Lesson learnt - hope you had a lovely birthday anyway.

SharronNeedles · 11/03/2018 20:16

OP you're perfectly entitled to feel this way, but this isn't ever something you should voice.
I'm pleased you've recognised that you are being unreasonable, consider it a momentary wobble and move on. Be glad that you're gift is benefiting someone.

jedenfalls · 11/03/2018 20:17

I've also just realised that my friend thinks I'm a much nicer person than I actually am. Bugger. And fuck

Well done for owning it OP. You sound ace. I’d be your friend. Happy birthday 🍰 Now d you want a goat or a beehive ?

Bluntness100 · 11/03/2018 20:18

God. I'm not sure I'd even have admitted feeling this way anonymously on line, it's beyond grabby and selfish.

Honestly, I'd name change, 😳

calzone · 11/03/2018 20:38

I’m cringing for you and how badly you have come across.......

Rachie1973 · 11/03/2018 20:44

She hasn't come across all badly.

She realised, she accepted and she laughed it off when she realised it wasn't a good look.

Leave her be

CheeseyToast · 11/03/2018 20:45

ha, my daughter's friend asked for charity donations instead of presents and my daughter followed up by specifying she did definitely want presents and not charity donations on her birthday. At 10.

SirGawain · 11/03/2018 20:53

To be fair, nothing is 'better than vouchers'.
I completely agree so I always give nothing.

SirGawain · 11/03/2018 21:06

How I wish everyone would delete all social media.
So why are you on MumsNet.

ferntwist · 11/03/2018 21:10

Wow. YABVVU. This was so generous of your friend, who took your Facebook post genuinely. Why on earth did you post that if you didn’t want donations - just to virtue signal? I don’t know many friends who do big birthday presents for each other anyway. If you need something big, save up for it yourself.
Be thankful that you have such a sweet friend and try to re-read your post to see how it has come across to so many of us on here.

Forevertired19 · 11/03/2018 21:15

It's my birthday this week and honestly.. I didn't get the charity thing on Facebook. I've hid my birthday as I don't want a fuss. I need the money if people are giving it to me as I found out about my pregnancy with ds late and because work screwed me by underpaying me, I'm in a lot of trouble in terms of debt. But I've picked a suicide charity. I want people to donate as I understand how awful it is to feel suicidal and loose someone I loved so much to suicide.
I would say yabu. Definitely but the whole thing was a bit confusing to me on fb. But at least it's lovely she donated.

kerryweaverscrutch · 11/03/2018 21:15

How I wish everyone would delete all social media

Social media has massive benefits. And you're on social media posting that!

NoFucksImAQueen · 11/03/2018 21:16

This has made me smile. Good on you for owning it op.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 11/03/2018 21:20

It seems fairly obvious that you asked people to donate to this charity instead of giving you a present.

I didn't know Facebook did this! I don't think I got anything from them about it before my birthday. Confused

Ladybirdbookworm · 11/03/2018 21:21

Well you have totally redeemed yourself so I don't understand why some posters are still having a go
Happy Birthday Wine

probablynapping · 11/03/2018 21:59

Lol I'd be disappointed too - I don't think YABU but I fully accept that I'm a brat so feel free to ignore my opinion

Tumblrpigeon · 12/03/2018 19:39

Browns I have made a donation x

BSintolerant · 12/03/2018 19:52

How long will it take for this to grace the pages of the Daily Heil?

GrannyGrissle · 12/03/2018 19:57

This post is hilarious OP Grin I've had a good chuckle at your expense sorry!

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 12/03/2018 20:00

This has properly made me laugh, well done for owning your unreasonableness .

YouokHun · 29/01/2019 13:44

Well you’ve made it onto Twitter (mumsnet madness). Not as bad as being used by the DM as content though. Trouble is, no one will notice that you’ve quickly owned it, they’ll just run with the OP. Best keep darkest thoughts to oneself!

JohnnyKarate · 29/01/2019 13:50

You ok Hun?