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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel a little disappointed by this birthday "present".

123 replies

BrownIsTheColour · 11/03/2018 16:56

Ok, to start with I do feel awkward about this and am willing to be flamed for being an uncharitable cow..but I need to express...
Last week I celebrated my birthday, and, as Facebook invited me to do so, I did one of those things where you nominate a charity to support on your big day. I didn't really know what I was doing, I thought it was a bit of fun and thought it was more to promote awareness than actually raise money, so I picked a charity and thought no more of it. I wasn't expecting anyone to actually donate, or if they did, maybe a quid or so.
Anyway, on the big day I received a notification that a very close friend had made a big donation to this charity. I was quite chuffed but then I read the message "better than vouchers" and I suddenly realised that this mate had made the donation instead of getting me a present.
So here's where the uncharitable cow comes in. I was quite disappointed when I realised I won't be getting a pressie. The thing is, this friend, just a couple of weeks ago, had specifically asked me what I wanted for my birthday and I had said I would quite like some vouchers for a certain shop. I was going to use the vouchers to put towards a big purchase that this friend was aware I was saving up for.
I know it's ungrateful, and I know that the money has gone to a more deserving cause but I can't help feeling short changed. Couldn't this person have made a small donation and given me vouchers of slightly lesser value? Or donate and give me a pressie? Or even ask if I would have preferred this? This person is very well-off, by the way, so money isn't an issue. If nothing else, it also feels a wee bit lazy. So much easier to click a button on the computer than to go out and get a gift that you said you were going to get someone.
This person has regularly donated to charities on my behalf, albeit in much lesser amounts, when I've done sponsored events so I don't really get how they could think I would want them to do what they have done.
I feel shit about my reaction but also quite let down. I'm seeing this person next week for a belated celebration and I don't know how to react.
I know, on one level IABU but I'd like to know how other would feel in the same circumstances.

OP posts:
Dagnabit · 11/03/2018 17:28

I seriously would expect better from a 10 year old. Your a complete joke.

I would expect better grammar from a 10 year old too.

OP, yes yabu but you know it so it's ok. Happy birthday!

Zazzleza · 11/03/2018 17:31

Hahahahaha! I think you need to laugh this one off...

GeorgeTheHippo · 11/03/2018 17:31

Yeah, your friend thinks you are lovely now.
You seem nice on here too.
Be lovely Smile
It's only money, you can earn some more.

Rudgie47 · 11/03/2018 17:32

hks The Dwp will pay for a very basic funeral if the family cant afford to pay for one. No need for them to be asking friends for money at all.

TheRebel · 11/03/2018 17:33

I saw an old school friend put the same thing up on Facebook for her birthday for the same charity, and it did surprise me because she was never the most charitable person and always expected a big fuss and presents on her birthday, so I suspect you won’t be the only one feeling this way OP!

MrsMaxwell · 11/03/2018 17:33

I think you will get flamed here but I totally get why you are disappointed.

Return the favour on friends bday and donate to their favourite charity after all it is better than vouchers Smile

ILoveAntButHateDec · 11/03/2018 17:34

😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣🤪🤪🤪

TheQueenOfWands · 11/03/2018 17:35

To be fair, nothing is 'better than vouchers'.

I want presents, not errands to run.

Lucky escape, OP!
Grin

MrsMaxwell · 11/03/2018 17:37

hks

A friend of mine died last year (of cancer) and her friends started fund raising for her funeral in FB BEFORE she died Confused

MiniEggMeister · 11/03/2018 17:39

Perhaps you shouldn't be online if you don't know what you're doing. Could have been worse!

BrendasUmbrella · 11/03/2018 17:45

Was it for Oxfam? If not YABU but you know this now.

Did you mean if it was for Oxfam she WBU?

Personally I won't give Oxfam a penny until they can actively prove they have stopped raping vulnerable women and children while "in the field".

Emmageddon · 11/03/2018 17:50

Oh dear. Happy birthday anyway. Try and revel in the fact you opted for charitable donations instead of glorious gifts through gritted teeth

Tartyflette · 11/03/2018 17:50

Your friend sounds really nice, OP. Generous and she did exactly as you asked.
As the saying goes -- be careful what you wish for. But the lesson has been well and truly learned. Grin and Flowers for next time.

starzig · 11/03/2018 17:52

Do adults really get birthday presents for friends?

gamerwidow · 11/03/2018 17:57

at least you’ve learnt your lesson that if you post virtue signalling stuff on Facebook with no real intention of falling through it’ll come back to bite you in the arse.

Trialsmum · 11/03/2018 18:05

You know you don’t have to sign up for things just because Facebook tells you to don’t you?

LIZS · 11/03/2018 18:15

Yabu. It suggested the charity was an alternative to a rl gift. A close friend might also give a token present but it sounds as if you gave out the wrong message.

Alabama3 · 11/03/2018 18:17

I've also just realised that my friend thinks I'm a much nicer person than I actually am. Bugger. And fuck.

Grin
TooManyPaws · 11/03/2018 18:21

Do adults really get birthday presents for friends?

Of course they bloody do, though usually only close friends. At work we collect for significant birthdays. Nothing wrong with appreciating people and making them feel loved.

TheNewSchmoo · 11/03/2018 18:25

I started with the intention of telling you you're behaving like a twat, but since you've owned your twattery (a rarity on MN), I'm applauding you instead.

Hope you had a nice birthday

SavageBeauty73 · 11/03/2018 18:27

Made me laugh. Loved your last comment. Lesson learnt.

mimibunz · 11/03/2018 19:30

Lol, don’t play innocent, OP. You know perfectly well YABVU!

SingaSong12 · 11/03/2018 19:53

OP I can understand the disappointment. YABU but have a Happy Birthday. Cake

MyLearnedFriend · 11/03/2018 20:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KurriKurri · 11/03/2018 20:02

I think you got your wires crossed about what you were doing, like your frined I would have assumed you wanted a charity donation instead of a present . But you've understood that now and graciously realised your mistake.

For what it is worth my 95 yr old Mum had a massive stroke a year ago, she is very frail but gradually, slowly regaining some of her speech. Strokes can be utterly devastating to those who suffer them, and to their families. And they affect young people as well as the elderly.
You have picked a good charity and done a nice thing, thank you Smile Flowers