To be annoyed at DH

[Tinkerbell2003]

I have a DS (18 months). Yesterday DH insisted he had errands to run and was gone over 2 hours but was going on about how it was all a surprise. Fine.

Today he hands me a card and a mug (not wrapped, still in its amazon delivery box). Turns out it was the card he spent all that time getting yesterday. I ask him what we’re doing today and he confirms nothing planned, just pottering about.

AIBU to be upset that absolutely zero thought has gone into celebrating mother’s day?

@Playingforkittens FFS 😱

I don't think it's mean to call out bad or grabby behaviour . Whatever happened to it's the thought that counts. This man bought her a gift and a card for Mother's Day from their kid. For most of us that's a sweet thing to do. For others it's not enough and it's all about how much they can get, both in terms of gifts and things done for them and if it's not enough they get angry and complain.

It's really unpleasant behaviour.

What celebration did you want?

You got a card and a mug so it’s not zero effort and I don’t know anyone that gets more than a card/flowers or small gift tbh

Happy Father’s Day - well done for having a good time.
Happy Mother’s Day - well done for putting up with the physical and mental strain put on your body throughout 9 months of pregnancy, squeezing something the size of a melon out of your body, and generally being expected to be the primary care giver for another human being whose communication skills comprise crying and vomming.
YANBU for expecting a bit of a fuss that is equal to effort you put into making Father’s Day nice for him.

But all the effort is entirely her's as she's the one that did the childcare to facilitate it!

It would have been perfectly thoughtful if he'd nipped to the card shop with the kid and got him to scribble in it.

I got nothing as DH, DS and DD all forgot. Completely 😂. Never mind. They are all bloody brilliant every other day of the year.

It's only mother's day...does it really matter. I think it's stupid how dad's have to go out and get mother's day things and vice versa on father's day. It's a farce. When the kid is old enough to give you something, fair enough.

I don't get all the angst over it.

We choose to become parents yet so many seem to think their children should be eternally grateful for being looked after and that partners should pander to their every whim on the day card shops dictate.

If you need more than a card and mug for having unprotected sex that results in a child you became a parent for all the wrong reasons.

I also think a little something from your child is enough and sweet.

I'm agog that some folks think Mother's Day is a time they should be paid back for carrying and giving birth to their own child willingly. The way some folk talk it's like they were forced into it for the father and he now needs to pay big for their personal sacrifice.

Fuck that. I had a child because I wanted one.

GreyPoncho - "Happy Father’s Day - well done for having a good time."

Seriously? Don't judge all dad's on your own experience.

Could you be any more dismissive to all the brilliant, responsible fathers?

Agree Worra, my husband did his share, inc the first month alone due to me being hospitalised. He also took more than his fair share of the night feeds and we have always split equally over the years.

I think my daughter would be the first to be deeply offended if I reduced her fathers input into her care and up bringing to nothing more than a shag.

One of the more offensive, man hating, derogatory lines I've read on here.

When my DC were young my husband always bought a card and flowers from them, nothing fancy but appreciated all the same. You are being incredibly ungrateful. I have 3 adult kids. 1 hasn't bothered (I don't expect him to he is a taker not a giver)another bought a specially thought out card and flowers. The other took me out to the cinema and lunch yesterday. We went shopping after and I saw a very pretty plant and just mentioned I liked it. I got up today and said plant is there with a huge balloon. I realise how lucky I am but also that I did a fairly reasonable parenting job. Be grateful not every Mum will get something.

Its more than I got... my son did me a card at school (5yr old) and other half put a message on Facebook

Exactly Bluntness.

Me and my DH have always pitched in together and worked as a team. In fact I genuinely forget sometimes that he's step-dad to the eldest 2.

So, op, what do you have planned for Father's Day? Your dh has used forthought to choose a gift from Amazon and to have ordered it in time so you get it on the day. It's from your ds isn't it? Must be, presumably you're not your dh's mum, are you?

Nah, I'm with you OP. Your DH buggered off for 2 hours for a card and click clicked a gift.

All I wanted was a lie in. DH picked up a box of chocolates yesterday. I'm on Slimming World and he knows that. I had to watch the 2 DC while he went out to get them. He works in town and could have picked them up any other day. So I do class this as zero effort. I got up with DS at 6am today and took DD to her 9am swimmimg lesson with DS in tow because DH needs to prepare for a meeting tomorrow. I can't reeeeally complain though because I've got a box of chocolates I can't/won't eat and he inconvenienced me to get them.

How is this zero thought?

He's got you a card and a gift. Just what you expect?

I got a little more than I expected as we are incredibly short of money at the moment and he gave me my gifts a couple of weeks ago. A large photo of my two as babies. Im over the moon with them. He gave them early so that I could find a nice frame

I really don’t get all this angst over Mother’s Day.

My 3 year old made me a card with his childminder and it was really lovely.

I don’t want or need DH to go out buying cards and presents from the children because it’s so unnecessary.

You’re obviously upset OP and you have the right to be if that’s how you feel but I do think you need to get some perspective and let it go.

YABU you got a card and a mug, I actually got more interested in Mother’s Day once the children were old enough to give it some thought and do it themselves or at least help .

worra et al... it was in relation to the disproportion of mums putting effort into Fathers Day and dads not putting as much into Mother’s Day, as seems to be topic of many posts today... don’t take it too literally!

What did you actually want/expect?

Yup, you see it for birthdays and Xmas too on here. Where it's just not enough and people want more so don't appreciate what they do get.
I'm so looking forward to Easter with the pages of 'he didn't get me a big enough Easter egg' v 'He got me a huge egg when he knows I'm on a diet and wanted something expensive instead'

What were you expecting him to do? Is there anything else about him that's bothering you?

I haven't even been wished happy mothers' day let alone a card or a gift! DH has no clue it's today and our kids are 6, 4 & 18 months so neither do they. But they all love me and I don't really see whether they remember mothers' day or not as any proof of that.

I feel much sorrier for the PP who says her DH always gets her something nice but she seems to doubt his actual feelings for her.

Op has not said whether Dh took the child with him to run the errand so we don't actually know if she was doing the childcare.
So op are you disappointed in the actual gift or the fact that Dh got to go out for 2 hours alone (if he did)?
Imo if it's the first then you are bu and a bit grabby - 18month olds don't have much disposable income for gifts - if it's the second then hand the child to dh and take yourself out for a couple of hours saying you have errands to run. X

Wow, some pretty harsh criticisms there! I’m absolutely not grabby. I would have been more than happy with a piece of paper that my child had scribbled on, or a handprint. It’s more the fact that DH basically left a card to the last minute, took a 2 hour break to go get it and didn’t even bother wrapping the mug. It’s effort m upset about, not money spent