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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being selfish?

63 replies

HashBrowns · 10/03/2018 16:41

DH hasn't got me anything for Mother's Day, I said to him earlier "I'm going upstairs to wrap your mothers present for tomorrow" and he said "I hope you know I haven't got you anything" I thought he was bluffing at first but I can tell he's serious.

Firstly, I'm not the type of person who ever expects anything for occasions usually, we're pretty skint so every birthday/Christmas/valentines etc I always tell him not to get me anything cos we can't afford it

OP posts:
Original poster
HashBrowns · 10/03/2018 16:41

Wasn't finished... writing test now (baby pressed post ! )

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Mumsnut · 10/03/2018 16:42

Keep his mother's present then!

Awrite · 10/03/2018 16:44

Why are you dealing with his Mother's present then?

Stop it.

I don't give a shit about Mother's Day but I'm sure his mother doesn't want a present from you out of duty. Just stop it.

Galaxyfarfaraway · 10/03/2018 16:44

Keep the present you bought for his mother for yourself. If he wants to give her anything he can get it.
And please remember not to get him anything for fathers day.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 10/03/2018 16:45

Sorry I don’t understand. Are you being selfish about what? DH sounds a bit thoughtless though. He’s fine with you wrapping his mums present but he hasn’t got you anything?

Aprilmightmemynewname · 10/03/2018 16:46

Get down to wherever and get a refund on mil gift and buy yourself one. And tell him. You need to up your bar op. You are entitled to be treated like someone worthwhile!!

Original poster
HashBrowns · 10/03/2018 16:47

I'm only upset because unlike all the rest Mother's Day actually means something for me, not only do I bring our own 2 DS up, I being my 2 DSD's yo as well as they moved I with us 2 years ago and don't see their mother, I practically do everything single handedly and Just would've liked to know it's appreciated, it costs £3 for a box of chocolates and it's the thought that counts, it's not about the money or a big extravagant present, he doesn't do anything in the house I look after all the kids plus him.

He's saying "u always tell me not to get anything and now that I haven't I'm wrong for that"... I've been saying for about 3 weeks "don't forget it's Mother's Day soon" hint hint.

Now he's realised I'm hurt he's getting all defensive and now he's saying "I'll go up the shop later"
I would rather eat shit than have anything now, it's like a kick in the teeth and an afterthought. It's not even meant to be from him he could've got something small from the kids, maybe i'm being selfish but I don't get a break and just feel really hurt that it doesn't seem to be appreciated at all

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Soubriquet · 10/03/2018 16:47

Who are these men who don't give a shit about their wives?

Seriously?!

You are not being selfish. He is.

Original poster
HashBrowns · 10/03/2018 16:52

I sort out Mother's Day stuff for DM and MIL, he wouldn't give a crap if I didn't get his mother anything, he says "she won't care" but I care that she gets something because she's good to us and deserves it, if it was left to him she'd receive nothing

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pictish · 10/03/2018 16:54

Wouldn’t it be better if he just pitched in a pulled his weight the rest of the time?

Original poster
HashBrowns · 10/03/2018 16:55

Oh and he had enough money to buy himself kfc in the week, but not to spare a few quid for cheap chocolates or flowers. Sorry to keep adding bits, meant to be all in the op but baby pressed post for me! Grin

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Original poster
HashBrowns · 10/03/2018 17:07

Of course Pictish but even just knowing it's appreciated would be nice

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HateTheDF · 10/03/2018 17:17

Playing devils advocate - you tell him not to bother getting you anything for any of the other days so maybe he assumed you meant Mother's day as well?

rothbury · 10/03/2018 17:20

YANBU he sounds like a wankbadger to me.

Don't you dare buy him anything for Fathers Day. Not even a bloody card. How dare he treat you like that?

Original poster
HashBrowns · 10/03/2018 17:21

HateTheDF but I've been reminding him about Mother's Day for the last 3 weeks
"Don't forget it's Mother's Day soon"
"Yes I know I haven't forgotten don't worry"

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NewYearNewMe18 · 10/03/2018 17:21

"u always tell me not to get anything and now that I haven't I'm wrong for that"

^^ this !

He's not a mind reader and 'hint hint' doesn't over ride explicit verbal instructions not to waste money I always tell him not to get me anything cos we can't afford it

Original poster
HashBrowns · 10/03/2018 17:23

Yes but it's not even meant from him it's meant from the kids and they wanted to get me something too

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Original poster
HashBrowns · 10/03/2018 17:23

To be fair I haven't really been hinting, I've said "don't forget Mother's day soon" so you wouldn't really need to be a mind reader

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Original poster
HashBrowns · 10/03/2018 17:26

Also, even though we can't afford much he always expects something when it's his turn

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heateallthebuns · 10/03/2018 17:26

It's hard to say. If you've said 'don't get me anything' on previous occasions but now 'it's Mother's Day don't forget', those are mixed messages.

heateallthebuns · 10/03/2018 17:28

Sorry I don't think you're selfish to want something, but I can see he could be confused by you sometimes telling him not to buy things and sometimes telling him to buy things.

HappydaysArehere · 10/03/2018 17:30

Mother’s Day is a commercial con. And I am speaking as a mother. I keep telling them not to bother but they still spend their hard earned money on me. Just recovering from Christmas and then it Mother’s Day, then it’s Easter, then it’s Fathers Day. Then for goodness sake grandparents day. Birthdays etc. Why not invite us out for a meal when they want to or.buy a gift whenever? It’s worse than the commercialism of Christmas which still some of the good feel factor left it because it has children and family at its centre. This poor husband probably doesn’t see it as a priority in his financial management.

VladmirsPoutine · 10/03/2018 17:33

He's not a jedi mind reader. You have in clear verbal language expressed your wishes to avoid wasting money on these sorts of trite occasions. Now you've changed your tune.

Unless there is more going on in the wider aspect of him not being a productive parent and partner then yabu.

Original poster
HashBrowns · 10/03/2018 17:36

Happydays this poor husband sees buying kfc/McDonald's etc as a priority though doesn't he. I'm not expecting him to spend loads on me, as I said I would've been happy with something that cost 3 quid, I would have been happy if he'd taken some time just to make something with the kids, it's not about money it's about the thought.
We never go out together and we don't spend hardly any money doing things, just be nice to be appreciated. He's self employed and only goes to work when he can be bothered, so it's not really hard earned, he'd rather be at home laying on the settee all day while I run around after 4 kids. Poor husband indeed

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MyKingdomForBrie · 10/03/2018 17:36

I can’t see the confusion at all. She said ‘don’t forget’ he said ‘don’t worry I wont’ - there’s no ‘poor husband’ here just a thoughtless idiot. It’s not hard to hand make a card with the kids even if it’s out of junk.

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