To think being married isn't all that

[LadyScatterbrain]

A friend of mine is getting married in a weeks time. She's 38. She has done nothing but go on and on and on about the wedding and how she can't wait to be married. I've been married 11 years and although we're happily married we've been through a lot of ups and downs and stuck together through thick and thin. It's been hard at times. I want to tell her it's not all hearts and flowers and lovey-dovey stuff.
I obviously don't say anything cos it's special for her etc etc, but she's honestly in cloud cuckoo land I think.
If I were single either by divorce or widowed, I wouldn't ever get married again.

Be happy for your friend :)

I expect you were excited 11 years ago when you got married. Don’t be so mean and just feel happy for her that she is so happy and excited.

You're married 11 years, she's only starting out, of course she's excited and idealistic. Why not be happy and excited for her? You sound cynical... Don't let your own relationship cloud your view of others' ones!

By the way, I'm 11 years married too and things are pretty damn good!

I like being married, I was excited to get married.

Your friend is presumably marrying someone she loves very much and is just excited to commit for life, why piss on her chips? Just be happy for her, being happy about something doesn’t mean she’s in cloud cockoo land

Er, then don't get married again. But can't you just be happy for her? This is just like those people who, when someone remarks that they're sad they were never able to have children, reply with, 'Kids aren't all they're cracked up to be.' Maybe she'll have a really easy marriage. Some do.

I imagine that if she’s 38, she had a few years of watching everyone else get married and wondering about whether she would end up alone. Perhaps it’s relief talking as well as excitement...

Weren't you excited when you were getting married? I'm sure she knows it won't be all sunshine and rainbows, no relationship is whether you're married or not. She's happy to be getting married, there's nothing wrong with that.

Don't say anything to her. What on earth would it achieve? I presume you wouldn't want her to cancel her wedding so the only other outcome would be for her to go ahead but feel less good about it all. It's pointless.

I quite like it.

God you’re one of those people

YABU.
Maybe you’re jealous she is excited and loved up at the idea of marriage. Why don’t you put some effort into making your marriage better? I think it’s sad you say you wouldn’t bother getting married again.
Ive spent more of my life married than single despite only being 40 and I love it. (This marriage- second- is best though!)

Didn't you get excited over your wedding?

Sounds like you're projecting the issues you have with your marriage on to your friend.

I love being married, and I love sharing my friends excitement at milestones in their lives.

Don't rain on her parade.

Surely you were her 11 years ago. Stop being so cynical and allow her to enjoy it.

Hmm perhaps take a good look at your marriage and see what you can do to make it better please don't be mean she's allowed to be excited.

Being married is the best, if you’re married to the right person.

Be happy for her! I’m sure you wish her a long and wonderful marriage and that the wedding will be lovely

Just because she's excited about her wedding and looking forward to being married that doesn't mean your friend isn't anticipating that there will be ups and downs. Surely it's normal to be looking forward to your own wedding? If she was already bitter and cynical about married life before it's even started I'd assume she was marrying the wrong person.

For what it's worth, I've been married for over ten years and I still think being married is lovely.

You're in danger of sounding a bit bitter there OP

You sound jealous tbh

How nice of you to rain on her parade. We've been married 18 years and it gets better every year. But by all means try and spoil someone else's happiness if that's how you get your kicks.

Isn't it just like childbirth? Shit bits, exciting bits, painful bits and amazing bits. Don't ruin it for her, let her walk her own path.

I’ve been with my husband for 21 years and mrried for 10, I think marriage is pretty special, be happy for your friend, she’s beginning a different stage in her life!

YANBU to think that being married is not all that. YABVU to tell her it's not all hearts and flowers and lovey-dovey stuff. She's getting married, she's happy and excited, why do you want to piss on her chips?

I haven't pissed on her chips, I wouldn't dream of saying anything. I am happy for her. Maybe I am cynical yes. I was excited when I got married but I don't remember going around reminding people exactly how many hours it was left to the big day.