To find Mother’s Day cards difficult to find and send to my tricky mother

[Timeforachange2018]

I find mother’s day weird. I love being a mum and try to be the best mum I can be to my 2.

But I hate mother’s days cards for these reasons:
My mother isn’t my best friend
She isn’t the best mother in the world
She isn’t the most loving kind person I will know
She hasn’t done everything for me or sacrificed everything for me

She’s actually selfish and narcissistic and controlling and distant and cold and unsupportive. She has made my life really difficult and I have spent years trying to get over the lack of love and support.

I literally scrolled through moon pig unable to find a card I wanted to send. In the end I chose the plainest one possible as it was the only appropriate one.

I am really lucky because my lovely children will send me cards but Aibu to still find Mother’s Day really difficult because my mother isn’t anything like the messages in any of he cards

yes I have the same trouble for fathers day.just a simple to dad on fathers day is suffice.

Don't go down the route of typical Mother's Day cards, there are lots of blank cards with appropriate scenes and in naice shops ones with no messages. Or does she love the flannel and would question you why it's so plain?

I can relate to this, have spent the last few days scrolling through moonpig with the same dilemma.

I settled for one that literally just said "mum" on the front in the end, and then struggled with what to write in it. "Hope you have a great day" was all I could manage.

You aren't alone.

She has high expectations normally involving flowers etc but I can’t afford it this year. I did a personalised card with pics from the kids and a plain one from me. It won’t be good enough though.

I used to have this problem. She is dead now, so not a problem anymore. I understand your feelings - it's a bit of a shit eay to feel.

I know what you mean too op
I have sent her a couple of books via amazon with ‘happy mother’s Day from me my sister and grandchildren’
Not sending a card at all

Cath Kidston. Plain white card with the word MUM written in pretty flowers. Blank inside. Blue envelope.

Dies the job nicely

It won’t be good enough though.

Then fuck making any effort, which would be wasted regardless.

I buy a Mother's Day card when I see a suitable one - which could be any time of year. It's a fraught thing to do if your mother isn't your best friend etc not least because it makes you think about what could/should have been.

If you can get to a bigger card shop then they often have cards for not-your-mother which have a slightly more distant sentiment on them (e.g. "with love on mother's day"). That's how I often find my compromise.

She sounds awful. Why bother at all? Her expectations are not your problem.

If you really want to just get a blank card.

My mum isn't anywhere that bad but my parents split when I was little and we strayed with our father so we just have a different relationship. I can normally find one on the high street that's fairly simple in terms of words. If going down the moonpig route just choose a genetic card that you can change the text on

I bet we ended up with the same Moonpig card OP, I scrolled through last night. It's just seems such a pointless waste of everyone's time when none of the sentiments of the gushy Mother's Day messages apply or mean anything to me, but I can't be arsed to cause conflict over it, so she gets her generic card.

I find this difficult for both my parents (divorced, each difficult in their own special way). So many 'best dad in the world' cards for bday/f-day. No.

OP I have this problem and there are actually LOADS. Have a good look and you will find plenty with just ‘Mum’ on the front and something like ‘On Mother’s Day’. I think there is a fairly big market and a lot of people have the same issue.

My husband jokes and calls them my ‘Mum-you are adequate’ cards.

I said something similar on another MN thread recently. I have actually found one on Moonpig that just said 'Happy Mothers Day Mum' on the front, and I left it blank inside. If I go in card shops or the supermarket they're all full of gushing sentiments to the most amazing/thoughtful/wonderful/kind etc DM in the world ... not my DM at all! I usually get a blank card with flowers on the front and write 'Happy Mothers Day' inside.

I don't like Mother's Day for this very reason. She sits there receiving cards, gifts, flowers and visits, basking in the FOG she created.

Whereas my eldest is at the other end of the country, and there will be little fuss created for me.

Sometimes I wonder, really...

I usually find a simple one that says something like - hope you have a lovely day
Or even just - with love
Because it is sent with love - I do love DM but won’t gush because of her many many faults

Tbh OP I don't think I'd bother sending her anything going off how you've described her. Mother's Day in reality should be about reaffirming how much you love your mum, how much you appreciate her, not the commercial clap trap it has become.

If you don't feel like she deserves that attention which I wouldn't blame you in the slightest I would opt out of the whole thing, if you don't want to do that because of the back lash you might receive I would buy a plain card with no words in. She might just get the message.

I have a decent relationship with both my parents (tricky at times!) but I also find it tough with cards for mother's/father's days too, OP. 99% are just too gushy & over the top. I found a nice one in the Coop this year, which just says "love you mum" on the front. It is appropriate for me because I do love my mum but all those other gushy things are not fitting at all.

I agree that just a pretty card left blank for your own message would work well for you and don't buy into the messages that the card manufacturers are sending us about the perfect relationships everyone else supposedly has. None of us have a perfect relationship with our parents & I doubt many truly believe those gushy messages even if they buy them!

I don't buy for my mum but I'll chip in and allow my name to be added if my sister's arrange something jointly. I'm strict on the card sentiment though - has to just be a plain "happy Mother's Day" or I won't add my name.

I'm with you OP. The day fills me with dread as if I don't get the balance right (card, flowers, phone call) she has a massive sulk and tantrum. Never mind that I'm in the thick of single parenthood myself. My heart is pounding now as I still haven't sent a card and can't face it.

I would choose a blank floral card and write happy mother's day inside.

dont send a card! These mothers sound awful - like, why would you bother?

to all those with unpleasant mothers.

Yep, dh asked me to pick one for his Mum - she's not awful but not a super hero or Best Mum ever. She's hugely demanding and unhinged ( if dh doesn't reply to a text within the hour he gets a flurry of texts asking if he's okay and if he forgets a x at the end of the message she replies asking if he still loves her (just examples) so a mushy card is not what he wants to send. It's tricky!

I usually just buy a stash blank cards and write what I want for similar reasons to those outlined above.

Bit off topic here, but if you’re on Moonpig it doesn’t have to be a mother’s day format.

I picked a ‘happy birthday’ card and changed it to happy mother’s day on the front. Left it all blank inside. All the photo ones (I think) there is an option to change the text. Probably is for the others too.