To find Mother’s Day cards difficult to find and send to my tricky mother

[Timeforachange2018]

I find mother’s day weird. I love being a mum and try to be the best mum I can be to my 2.

But I hate mother’s days cards for these reasons:
My mother isn’t my best friend
She isn’t the best mother in the world
She isn’t the most loving kind person I will know
She hasn’t done everything for me or sacrificed everything for me

She’s actually selfish and narcissistic and controlling and distant and cold and unsupportive. She has made my life really difficult and I have spent years trying to get over the lack of love and support.

I literally scrolled through moon pig unable to find a card I wanted to send. In the end I chose the plainest one possible as it was the only appropriate one.

I am really lucky because my lovely children will send me cards but Aibu to still find Mother’s Day really difficult because my mother isn’t anything like the messages in any of he cards

I have a prickly relationship with me late husbands mother, and as he's not around, I feel obliged to send a Mother's Day card. But as she's not my mother it's difficult to find the right card. I have started doing "Happy Mother's Day, Grandma" cards from the kids so then it comes from them not me.

I've also found a good selection of non-traditional cards from Love Layla. They have joke cards as well for people you actually like. (I'm not affiliated with them, I just find a lot of their cards are exactly what I am trying to say!

I have this every Father's Day and his birthday.
It's not so bad that I wouldn't send anything at all - he's just an absent dad, he's not a bad one, but we have no relationship because he put his new wife before his children.

Like you say, it's a case of choosing the plainest one possible and at least with Moonpig, there aren't soppy verses inside.

Yes I totally get this. Too many ‘adore spending time with you’ and ‘you do everything for me’ type cards!

But I can usually find a pretty but bland card in the larger chain shops.

Paperchase is usually good for avoiding the sappy superlatives.

'To my suboptimal parent on Mothering Sunday'
'To the man who gave his sperm to create me'
To the woman who gave me life and never let me forget it
Happy mother's day, from your second favourite daughter.

These wouldn't sell well, would they?

I did toy with the idea of sending one with a picture of a goat saying 'from your scapegoat'.

Totally get it. They're all 'best mum' and 'loving mum' etc.

I just want that says 'Happy mothers day'

Then I've done what I have to do.

The end.

I was laughing to myself trying to chose my Mum a card in Card Factory. Thought a card that said "to my Mum who couldn't really be bothered" would be good.
There were only 2 suitable cards for my Mum. Told my DH they needed a section for Meh Mums.

I was tempted to send her Happy Brithday from The Dog (she doesn't have a dog!) it just says Happy Mother's Day

Timeforachange2018

I find it difficult as well because many of the cards just sound like a lie, so I buy funny cards instead.

I have a perfectly normal ( ish ) relationship with my mum ( i have issues but on the whole have come to terms with them over the years).
So no real angst going on but i hate the ott mushy cards ( for all occasions ) and always prefer a plainer card anyway.
Just cant do with all that poetic silly nonsense myself !
So send whatever card you like ( or not at all ) and no guilt allowed

@Timeforachange2018 I have the exact same problem. My MIL and Grandmother - no problems. EVERY card is perfect. My DM - took me around 2 hours and i ended up with a plain one with a cup of tea on it and "happy mothers day" written. She doesnt do housework so all the "ironing, washing, running round" ones werent valid, the "best friend" ones werent right, nor the "supportive" ones. Inside I couldnt gush about thanking her for everything she does or to take it easy and have a relaxing day - and just had to write "have a lovely weekend".

Unfortuntely youre not alone :(

Same here. And she always kicks off if it doesn’t have “lovely words” in it.

I agree op!

I'm struggling to want to send her one this year, last year I tried calling 7 times and my calls were ignored. If I don't send a card though all I'll get is grief. Even though she's attending the annual Mother's Day roast at my sisters that everyone bar me is invited to.

I still struggle, constantly wondering what I've done that's so wrong! I think being independent and leaving home at 18 to her was a slap in the face whereas my siblings have still never cut the cord, as a result I'm completely rejected by her.....that little vent felt good actually!!

Vent away teddy that sounds v hard and massively unfair . X

@teddyismytreasure that is awful. have they ever said why youre not invited? like some bullshit "you dont have kids" reason or anything? Do they discuss it in front of you? thats so so nasty :(

@harrietkettle I’m like a scapegoat too! The black sheep of the family for no reason other than standing up to her and living my life in a way tha seemed to offend her because I am not like her!

@Eltonjohnssyrup 😂 "mum - you are adequate"

That's exactly it Timeforachange! And it's completely baffling to me. I said to DP last night if you asked my mum to describe my personality I honestly think she wouldn't be able to. She has no idea at all. Or she'd say what she perceived me to be which would be totally inaccurate.

OP, Marks & Spencer are quite good for this - I got a card that said 'Happy Mother's Day' on the cover and was blank inside - no rambling poems about how wonderful she is etc...

I'm so glad that no one has come on to tell you that she's your mum and she loves you really and you'll miss her when she's gone etc.

I hear you.i try to find the blanket, dullest, most functional Mothers Day card I can find and I send that. It's hard seeing all the gushy ones but I remember that plenty of people don't have that sort of relationship with their mum. You are far from alone OP

I search for a plain one with only the simple greeting on, too. It makes me feel depressed and a bit twisted up inside every year. I find the less time I spend thinking about it the better - like you, I find that nothing is ever good enough, so I give it as little headspace as I can and only buy generic presents.

I make cards as a hobby. For her Birthday and Mothering Sunday I make a pretty card, but I only write inside, Have a Happy Day love from xxx. My Mum is the unsupportive, couldnt be bothered type, and I feel I grew up alone, no guidance or love at all. So I don't want gushing sentiment that is all lies. She however gets very narked because she likes a proper verse. She gives zero fucks that I have gone to the trouble of making it for her - no gushy verse = no good!

I wouldn't bother, but I have lots of stuff to use up and no spare cash at the best of times, and it's currently worse than normal as we are moving house soon, so making one saves me money. (Blimey if she read that she would be apoplectic! )

In Card Factory there appeared to be a small neutral collection of cards until I read the gushing sentimental blurb inside which doesn't sit well with me because I simply can't relate.
Perhaps we should start the bland card company!

I have a wonderful, loving mother who is easily nauseated by rhyming couplets, excessive sentiment, anything factually inaccurate (best mother? How has that been quantified?), and anything with teddy bears on it. Also the "best friend" stuff wouldn't go over well.

On the bright side, by the time I've ruled out all the cards that would bring her out in a rash, it's a very simple choice between the two suitable cards.

My brothers just get whatever is in the Spar, which is why their cards get hidden behind mine on the kitchen table.

I struggle too, sadly I also struggle on Father’s Day as neither of my parents are that interested. I wanted to get her a nice card, but nothing hugely sentimental as it isn’t the sort of relationship we have. I just got something plain in the end and will post it as I hardly ever see her even though she lives nearby.

It actually made me really sad seeing the lovely sentimental card my H got for his mum. I just wish I had one parent I was really close to. The saddest part is my mum thinks we are close. I hate Mother’s Day, not least because it reminds me of my own infertility too.