To have another baby now?

[iamasoconfused]

Regular user but NC as outing.

Back story; DP and I are young (22) and have one DD. We both work (me part time him full) but due to external reasons I may have to quit. We wouldn't be 'comfortable' but we'd survive and have a bit left over. I was intending for uni this year but that probably won't be possible. Ideally I'd wait until DD was in school but DP has a condition and the new medication will most likely make him infertile; the doctor said if we try for a family they can temporarily switch medication but it'll 99% do irreversible damage and most likely make him infertile. I don't really know what to do- it seems a situation of now or never. I've only just fully recovered from giving birth (traumatic birth) and I don't know if I'm strong enough to do it just now but on the other hand I've always wanted lots of children and that seems impossible now. I'm always going to be grateful for DD but if push came to shove, I would rather have one now rather than never; however DP's illness can not be cured, only slowed down (genetic condition, not a deadly one but will make him very uncomfortable forever and will most likely shorten his life expectancy- they said it's unlikely past 65 but probably be unable to work after 50). AIBU to have another baby now? I just don't know what to do

Hi OP
Is it possible to freeze his sperm until you are ready for another dc?you'd be able to go to uni then if you wanted to.

Head - no absolutely not

Heart/gut - do it

I follow my heart/gut - only you can know what’s right for you

Oh it's so tough because my answer would be yes. But then, having another baby is very demanding. But given your situation, I'd be more inclined to have one now rather than later.

I'm so sorry that you're both dealing with such heavy Life Stuff at such a young age. That's so difficult. Hopefully over the years, there will be more research into/successful treatment of DP's condition, extending his life and the quality of it. I wish you all well.

Firstly sorry to hear about your traumatic birth. Deciding whether or not you are ready for another is difficult enough after a traumatic birth without such added pressure. Is there any option to maybe freeze embryos to implant at a later stage? Even if you start trying now there could be a delay actually getting pregnant so you need to consider how long this can be held off for. Given your position would you be better off with just the one?

You're all so lovely, I'm so grateful for all of your help and kindness

DP and I are so sad- we wanted 3-4 but a bit of a gap between the first two ie until DD is in reception.

We have looked into freezing his sperm and it's still an option but we're worried at the cost of IVF in the future- we are definitely still considering it though.

I'm so sad that we have to make this decision so young. We're getting married this year and I'd always look after DP, as eventually he'll need it but I just don't know what to do

@TheVanguardSix ❤️

@Dipitydoda I'll always be grateful for my DD and if we can't have another then I'll always have her but I desperately want more- it's just the timing. There's so much to consider

Also sorry for any punctuation or spelling issues.

Honestly? I would. Dh and I are in an almost similar now or never situation, and it will make life tough and pennies unbelievably tight but it is doable. For us, if we didn't, I feel we would both regret it.

Hi OP. My DH has a condition which means that his fertility was poor and would get worse as she got older. We had DS when I was 23 and waited a couple of years before trying for the next. At 26 (DH was 29) we found out DH was now infertile and I would not be able to carry another child of his. We were married the year before hearing this and I was devastated but we turned to adoption.
I have always wanted to do it but now I have, I would say that had I known what I know now, I probably would have tried for another sooner.
Adoption is always a possible route but it is a hard one. I wouldn't change what I have now but I wish I had carried another child.

Perhaps speaking to a midwife about your traumatic birth may help if she can answer some questions you may have?
Could you elect for a ,I can't spell this,ceasarian?would that make your decision easier if you knew that the birth would be mostly out of your hands so to speak?
Sending you and best wishes

I think you'd regret not having another child more than you'd ever regret having one.

My family have all said (prior to -looming- infertility news which they'll find out tomorrow) that they'd be extremely disappointed if I had another child soon. Doesn't help

bet that's true.

Have to say, given that he has a known life-limiting genetic condition, I’d be very slow to have another child that could develop the same condition.

Just that's a good point, it doesn't affect women but the next DC could also be a boy (which we'd be just as happy with) but that's a very good point.

However it does tend to skip a generation.

That's not a guarantee though.

OP, DH has a chronic condition too and we are ttc#1 just about to start fertility treatment. I think if you are in a position to have another child now and know you want one, then personally I would go for it. It would be worth discussing with your GP about the physical and psychological impact on you though. There are treatments available to help with the psychological aspect of traumatic births I believe and your GP should be able to refer you if that is part of the issue.

Bet is so right. In your position
I would go for it but I have four kids and am 40 so that is an easy thing for me to say as when I was your age I may not have said the same. If you think you'd like a big family i would be tempted to try and also freeze sperm so you have options along the line. Your family aren't the ones who will carry a baby so I would try not to let that be a deciding factor, although of course it is hard not to have support. You may be able to choose to have an elective section if it may ease your mind in terms of your prior trauma. What a tough situation, I'm sorry about your partner's health but you sound like you have a great future together.

I wouldn't, because of the genetic condition.

Just in response to the pp suggesting freezing sperm/embryos, this is not a guarantee of future children. IVF does not necessarily = a child.

To be clear about the condition: it does (most of the time) skip a generation and it only affects men. If I had a son, he most likely wouldn't have it but if he had a son, he most likely would. I may not have a son but I'd be so happy to have either.

Sod your judgey family, it’s your life. You and your DP sound strong and loving, that’s all that matters.

There’s advantages to having your children young, you still have so much life left once they’re grown. My DSis had a very traumatic first birth at 17, she had her 2nd at 21. She opted for a selective c-section with her second as first birth was so bad, you can definitely ask for this if you’re concerned.

Yes she’s young with young ones, but there’s rarely a right time for kids. In your situation it seems now IS the right time because the future may have less options. I went to uni at 25, I was there with others older than me. You always have options. Good luck xx

I’d do as much research on the genetic condition as possible. Who will it affect? What is the % it will affect your dc? Is there a genetic test you can have to ensure your dc don’t get the illness?