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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To change my name 5 years after marriage

28 replies

Hottoddy1 · 08/03/2018 21:34

Didn’t change my name when we got married 5 years ago. Wouldn’t have mattered career wise but I just didn’t like the idea of giving up a part of my identity I suppose. The only thing is now we have 2 kids I do wish in some ways I had the same name as them. Has anyone else found themselves in the same situation? I suppose there is nothing stopping me but would it be completely weird to change my name now?

OP posts:

AutoFilled · 08/03/2018 21:36

Do what you want. But I have no problem with my kids having different names from me. I like having the same name as my parents and I will never share Mrs DHname with my MIL. That would be super weird.

NoStraightEdges · 08/03/2018 21:37

I've known people change their name at seemingly random pints in the lives-in fact I know a few! It's more common than you think. So no, I wouldn't think it was weird at all-just pleased that you're happy with your name.

Do whatever you want to

PaperdollCartoon · 08/03/2018 21:37

No not weird at all. Do what makes you happy. If threads here are anything to go by there’s probably a big chunk of people who already think you have changed it. You can always keep using your name professionally if you like.

Also as a by the by for anyone reading this - kids don’t automatically have to take the dad’s name, whether the parents are married or not.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 08/03/2018 21:37

I did. I think lots do once kids arrive.

RemainOptimistic · 08/03/2018 21:38

YANBU. Took me over a year!

Original poster

Hottoddy1 · 08/03/2018 21:43

Ah cool not as weird as I thought. My friends must be a traditional lot mostly changed their names right after (or didn’t but only 1 I can think of). Good to know.
I sorted of wanted to do something different with the kids names but went with the tradition in the end to avoid arguments with ILs.

OP posts:

honeyroar · 08/03/2018 21:46

It took me nine years! I waited until my passport needed changing.

TammyWhyNot · 08/03/2018 21:55

Change your name if you like, or add your DH’s name to yours and suggest he does the same?
(Hopefully upsetting the ILs)

BikeRunSki · 08/03/2018 21:59

I changed my name after 8 years of marriage, when I was expecting our first child. I felt very strongly that I wanted the same surname as him. I didn’t want to laden anyone else with my annoyingly difficult to spell maiden name, and I have plenty of paternal nephews!

I am still known by my maiden name professionally.

SimonBridges · 08/03/2018 22:03

DH and I are talking of changing both our names to my maiden name for our 20th anniversary.
Just to shake things up a bit.

lifetothefull · 08/03/2018 22:14

I didn't rush to do it, but did it gradually on documents. I also started out my married life as MsDHsirname and much later changed my bank to Mrs when I felt grown up enough.

Joinourclub · 08/03/2018 22:15

I guess I'm changing my name after 8 years of marriage. I've now got a passport in my married name. What else official do you need to do?

Amarriedcatlady · 08/03/2018 22:28

After four years, I have only changed my name at the bank, doctors and hospital. I’m going to to change the passport and drivers licence this year.

jaynelovesagathachristie · 08/03/2018 22:35

Here in Portugal I'm very happy how the names are traditionally done, kids have both surnames so some kids have 4 + surnames but only official things. Women just add husbands surname so everyone has at least 1 same surname

GrainneWail · 08/03/2018 22:36

I changed my name when I got married 9 years ago and would love to change it back. My family name is just nicer! It would cause way too much cats bum to try it though, wouldn't be worth the hassle.

Percivalandproud · 08/03/2018 22:38

Sounds familiar, I kept my name when I got married but after three kids arrived quickly I felt like we should all have the same name so changed my name when I got a new job (about five years married).

It didn't seem weird at the time (since that's what you're asking) but 10 years later I really regret it. I'm out of the baby phase, enjoying being 'me' again, and somehow feel I've lost a bit of me. I have seriously considered changing it back again, but I guess that would really be weird.

RNBrie · 08/03/2018 22:42

I changed my name on marriage. Had 3 dc and then changed it back. Could never get used to it and it never felt like my name. So yes you can change it after 5 years but you might not like it

redfairy · 08/03/2018 22:52

I waited seven years after marriage to number 2 (present MrFairy) I always thought I'd do it when my passport ran out and when me and DH linked finances. I think I would rather have kept my old name but it meant more to DH than to me so I did it. Was a complete PITA as we moved house at the same time.

Original poster

Hottoddy1 · 08/03/2018 22:55

Yes true maybe I could feel different when the babies are bigger. Our names don’t sound right double barrelled or I would have just done that. It’s a difficult one because I like the idea of us having a family name but dislike the sense of the the woman giving up her identity. Tried to persuade DH we should make up an entirely new family name for all of us but he insists that really would be weird😁

OP posts:

MidLifeCrisis2017 · 08/03/2018 23:10

I didn't change mine until six years into my marriage when I was pregnant for the first time. People were a bit surprised but it was the eighties so I was regarded as a rabid feminist.

RNBrie · 08/03/2018 23:14

I worried I'd mind having different last names to my dc but it's not an issue either emotionally or practically. In fact they think it's quite cool and it doesn't bother me at all.

The only big pitfall I foresee is that my married name is on their birth certificates so we might have a problem if I ever travel alone with them to countries that require birth certificates. So far that hasn't come up!!

Ariela · 08/03/2018 23:58

I kept my maiden name when we married because I was well known in my industry by my name. I changed it when I left and had my daughter (had to give up the job because the hours/commute/days away/travelling simply would not have been compatible)

blastomama · 09/03/2018 00:20

you know you can use either as you please? I am Ms Maidenname in work, and Ms Marriedname when dealing with schools/dr/anything to do with the children. I have cards in both names, driving license in one and passport in the other.
You don't have to pick one.

Riv · 09/03/2018 00:36

I kept my own name much to my mother’s horror. It never occurred to dh that either of us would change surname. But then: his mother was known as Miss her maiden name all her life (she married DFiL back in the early 1950’s)
RNbrie: if you travel with your DC’s without DH just take your marriage certificate with you. It saves all sorts of complications. I’ve done that a couple of times- mostly in the early days of our marriage when travelling to countries where they had strict rules about who shares a room!!

LeighaJ · 09/03/2018 01:42

Hottoddy1

I don't think it's weird to change it now.

I'm sure there are many who it didn't bother as children, but it always bothered me that I had a different last name to my Mom growing up.

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