On Sunday afternoon I was attacked by my husband and he threatened to kill me.
On the advise of the police I left my home with my DD who played two foot from us when this happened.
And I haven’t been back. Because he has. And it doesn’t feel fair. The tenancy is in joint names so he can’t be evicted, and he has the legal right to live there. He won’t sign the form to have his name taken off the tenancy so I can move in.
I’m trying to get an occupancy order but a solicitor won’t act until I can prove I’m entitled to Legal Aid, which I can’t as all my benefits letters are at my flat which I’ve been advised not to go back to by the Housing Association and the Police - I don’t work as DD has a few extra needs so claims DLA and CTC which is my entitlement to LA. I’m waiting for Women’s Aid to assign me a Support Worker so I can prove it another way but they’ve told me as I’m not in immediate danger it could take up to 3 weeks. The housing association have no legal obligation to house DD and I while my name is on that tenancy, and if I sign my name off the tenancy they can place me anywhere in the county which takes me away from my mum and brother (I’m living there atm) who are my biggest support at the moment.
I feel like I’ve lost. He gets to break the law, and still wins. I can’t go out on my own because I’m so scared, I tried to get to DDs Nursery alone yesterday morning and got a quarter of the way and had to call them saying I couldn’t get any further. They were lovely and bought the Nursery car and a car seat and took us both to the Nursery but walking back alone I was shaking and it took ages to get home. My mum had to pick DD up from Nursery.
It’s so unfair. I can’t live like this for another month. My DDs got no toys or clothes, and I feel guilty using my mums bread and milk and food when she’s on a low income herself. I just want to go home.
He’s won hasn’t he? I’m up shit creek without a paddle, still liable for a flat I don’t live in and have no money or clothes.
I feel like such a crap mum, I’ve let my DD down, has I ignored the police and stayed home he wouldn’t have been allowed back and then he’d have had to have tried to get me out which with me having DD would have been hard for him to do.
And I’m so worried he’s going to petition the courts for access to our DD, I don’t like her being out of my sight atm but I know he’s her dad and I can’t stop him seeing her (I never would but I just want time to get my head together and have a home)
AIBU?
I’ve lost haven’t I? He’s got what he wanted
CatLadyToddlerMother · 08/03/2018 09:15
catlady you are awesome, strong and very brave.
I don't really have any advise extra to what the other lovely women here have said, but I want you to know that you are a brilliant mum, a good person and I wish you much strength for the battle ahead.
You can do it, believe in yourself.
I would advise a trip to your doctor and health visitor, to ask for help, counselling, medication that may help you in the short term such as an anti anxiety or something to help if you are having problems sleeping. Look out for symptoms of ptsd.
Do you have a surestart group near you? They are good with support and help for mums and tots. My old local one (I helped out) did a mums breakfast morning where the toddles and babies were taken to the play room. I knew many mums there that had issues of dv they became friends with each other and forged strong supportive relationships. Your health visitor may be able to point you in the direction such as surestart.
Have a look to into doing the freedom programme, it will help you to feel empowered, supported and help you deal with your ex without being his victim in future, e.g. if he tries to emotionally manipulate you further. It will help you gain clarity into his abuse towards you and how you can emotionally move on.
Take care, you are doing great, it is good that you have your family around you 
You haven't lost. He has. He has lost the love of a lovely woman, and you have gained your freedom, self respect and the chance to flourish and bloom as a person in your own right. Not as someone elses punch bag. You may feel broken for a while, and you will feel lost, confused and helpless because of your situation..... but grab what life will offer you with both hands now because you are free. Free from his violence and horrific attitude towards you and your daughter. It will take time, but you will feel better, and you will persevere and get through this. Others have already commented and helped with sources of help and advice, and I know that the kind souls of mumsnet will also help you with support here.
The police were very wrong hete,going on what you have said,unless you refused to make a complaint,but still be committed an offence and should have been arrested regardless of your complaint.he would have,if sufficient evidence,been charged and held over for court the next day,then later released by the court with bail conditions not to go to the home address or contact you directly or indirectly.
In your position is make contact with your local police,state that you wish to make a complaint of assault and that you are unhappy with the action taken by the police i.e.none,they didn't do their jobs.
Stand your ground,explain you are homeless.
Ask them to update you when he has been detained so you can return home.
For immediate help contact your local women s aid they will go with you to collect paperwork if you really need it before the police arrest him.
To allow him to remain comfortable at home whilst you and a small child are homeless is a disgrace and the officers should be spoken to by their Sgt.
Make it clear that if charging him you want the above bail conditions.
If any injury get them photographed.
This is a hell of a lot for you to take on but stand firm and demand they do their job.
If cps decide insufficient evidence to charge you need to seek out your paperwork and get an injunction or similar.
Please ring women s aid so you don't feel so alone.You are not a bad mum at all.
But please do not soften towards him and allow him home.For your same and your dc.
A friends just come round to see me and bought loads of clothes and some toys and sweets for DD. All bought from her own pocket as her child is a boy and 2 years younger than DD.
How truly wonderful, that is so lovely of your friend. I goes to show how people think of you catlady, you have a kind friend because you are a good and heartfelt person of integrity.
How are you feeling today?
I hope that you are ok
H keeps texting me all chatty telling me about his day and stuff. I’ve not been back since Sunday and yet he seems to think we’re still together 
not sure if I should ask him for the stuff I need and get my brother to get it.
Legal Aids about to fall through as NCDV have given me 24 hours to find evidence that I can’t pay my own legal costs and I just can’t get all the evidence in such a short time period. It’s making me panic.
DD made me so proud this morning. Took her back to Nursery for the first time since the incident and she took her coat off and marched off to her keyworker and didn’t look back.
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