AIBU Mother’s day

[Kika2901]

Feel free to put me in my place but does anyone else’s husband put as much efforts

Feel free to put me in my place but does anyone else’s husband put as much effort into buying a gift and card from our kids to his Mum as he does for me? Every year my girls 5 and 4 get a card for me and one for grandma and even made a personalised gift last year for each of us. Am I missing something but it’s “Mother’s Day” not “Grandmothers Day” and the gifts and card he buys should be coming from him and his sisters and not the grandkids? I know he think it’s just a nice thing to do but I feel like it almost waters down the meaning of Mother’s Day for me when my kids buy/make for both of us. When I was growing up I only ever gave gifts to my mum. He even buys cards which say “to grandmother on mother’s day” which I feel he is lining the pockets of these huge supermarkets because they never existed 10 years ago. AIBU??? It’s a real bug barer of mine!!!

My DH buys flowers for me and my dm (his dm is no longer with us). We do mothers and nana cards and all go out for lunch

Hmm I think YABU. It's a nice thing to do and doesn't hurt anyone. And those kind of cards have been around years. I'm 23 and don't have grandparents but have aunties/uncles who are like grandparents to me. On mothers/fathers day I still give them 'like a mother to me'or 'special person' cards and have done since I was small

Sorry but to me YABU. There's no such thing as Grandmothers Day in the UK, and she is still a mum even if it's not directly to your children. Plus he's not doing any more for her than he does for you if you are both getting personalised presents and cards! I'd just be happy that he and they are putting so much effort in the first place, I think that's lovely.

It's actually Mothering Sunday. If we are going to picky!! A person doesn't have to be a 'mother' to do 'mothering'

MIL told me the first MD hat DS was born that "all the grandchildren" give her a card on that day. I didn't get one from my baby (don't know whether DH got her one from him) and got text from FIL on the day saying I should be "ashamed". That was my very first mother's day.

I later found out from my sister in law that the only card she got from the grandchildren was one from her eldest and MIL had bought it and got her to write it!

We do for grandparents. After all if they weren't a mother/father we all would not be here!

It is not Mothers Day. It's Mothering Sunday - to celebrate anyone who plays a role in Mothering. So yes it's appropriate.

And you are being petty and selfish to object to it. How does your DC getting their grandmother a card make your card any less special?

I agree with you op. Your kids do stuff for you and your dh does stuff for his mum. I would not involve my kids in what I do for my mum although my dh does

YABU, I think, on this one, OP. But that's probably because I never had GPs as a child and always wished I did.

Just to clarify, she does get gifts and cards from her children and they are signed from all of the family including the grandchildren, I do the same for my Mum but he takes it a step further and gets my girls to do a separate card just from them to his Mum and a separate gift from them to his Mum. It’s this bit that irritates me.

bookmum "Traditionally, it was a day when children, mainly daughters, who had gone to work as domestic servants were given a day off to visit their mother and family."

I think YABU OP and a bit petty. Why does it matter, really? Origins aside, it's simply an occasion when family members can tell someone they love them. I don't like all the commercialism around these things and have told my DDs cards only this year, but your DCs giving cards to their grandmother shouldn't detract from the love they have for you.

My dcs give something to mil. It means more to her to receive something from the grandchildren she dotes on than receiving anything from her own son. I think it’s nice.

YANBU - I tell my DH not to put our DD's name in MIL's card as she's not her mother!

It technically is a Christian event when on a certain date before Lent people would visit their 'Mother church' which led to it being a day when people would visit their actual mothers (usually going to church with her) and many churches would do a Service celebrating all mothers and motherhood which can include someone who may not be the biological mum but does the job of mothering - Grannies, Aunties, Single Dads, Gay Dads, Foster parents etc and is now celebrated by almost everyone not just those of a Christian faith.

There is a grandparents day in the uk. 7th October this year. Neither my mother or my ex’s mother are in a mothering role for my kids. They get a card for grandparents day from their grandchildren and I get one for mother’s day.

My mum has always said mother’s day should be for those actively mothering first. So I see her at some point close to the day to give her a card and pressie from me and call her on the day and I get spoilt by my family on the day itself. Not sure what ex-mil thinks these days. I always make sure she gets to see the kids on their birthdays, grandparents day and Christmas Day so don’t feel bad at all about not sharing this particular one.

A lot of grandmothers (stepmothers, aunties and other women) do motherly things for their grandchildren like mind them when the parents are at work so I think that they deserve recognition on Mother's Day.
If your kids barely see or know their grandmother then I'd be 🙄 at your husband but wouldn't feel it diminished my day unless he took the children to her house and spent the day there rather than with me.

YABVU. It’s Mothering Sunday, you celebrate the women in your life who have ‘mothered’ you. It’s not as if your kids loving their grandmother means they love you less! What a weird thing to get worked up about.

I’m half with you; we do cards for grandparents but last year on Father’s Day mil got fil a present “from” our children and I was a bit confused and felt bad for DP that the focus wasn’t really on his kids getting him a present. However as an adult whose grandparents have both passed away I’m glad we did it when I was younger

If he didn't do anything for you, or expected you to do it then fair enough but it doesn't make it less significant for them to also do something nice for their grandmother. With any luck when they have kids of their own they'll do the same and you get cards and gifts off the grandkids which you'll cherish.

You sound spoilt tbh OP. It's MY day!!!!!!!!

I with with others, YABU. In my family, both my mum and mil do so much for us with the kids that it would be rude not to show a token of appreciation. Yes, they aren’t our kids mothers, but they play a huge role in our kids lives and I am very grateful for that.

You’re a mother, your mil is a mother and grand-mother

I agree with you. I think that the whole thing has blown up over the last few years: when I was a child we would make a card and a gift at school (primary age) and that always seemed to be enough for everyone's DM. Now all of a sudden grandmothers are involved - not so much grandfathers on Fathers Day, though - and the gifts are getting bigger and more expensive: I have been bombarded by email by companies telling me to 'show mum how much you care' by buying her this/taking her here ... Actually had an email this morning from a company I have shopped with before promoting a gift that costs £140! And it's not what I would describe as a particularly expensive store. I would never dream of getting my DM and MIL a card from my DC, although I know MIL gets one from one of her OH's GC: I'm not getting into the 'well if they do it, so will we'. I do sometimes get the feeling that my DM thinks our gifts aren't 'good' enough, too. She was a bit sniffy last year about what I and my DSis got her (separately). I get a card and a bunch of supermarket flowers that DS chooses, and I'm happy with that.

YABU it's a petty way to see things.

I don't see the point of DH doing anything for me, not being his mother and all that. Of course he helps and finance the kids presents, and I can't see the harm in stopping them to do something for their grand-mothers (and grand-fathers on Father's Day).
they are really proud of choosing something, drawing cards and the grand-parents are really happy to receive everything.

Its gets completely meaningless if you stick rigidly to some weird rules, the whole point of celebration is to do something nice and make people happy.

One year, one of mine gave a card and a gift to his teacher. We all know she wasn't remotely their mother, but what's wrong with a child wanting to celebrate something? I don't think the teacher was offended. It didn't take anything from me! I am my kids mother, and always will be. It's still good for them to have as big a circle around them as possible.

I get something for my lovely Mum and Mother in Law from my daughter. I like to show them how much they are appreciated for both of their roles.

We do it for me, DMIL and when alive my DM. We're all off out on Sunday to a (very quirky) museum in a nearby seaside town as 'Mums go free' on Sunday (and fish and chips for lunch/dinner/tea afterwards).