DH works nights. Always has done. He' leaves the house by 8pm and is back at 9am. Even on his days off he keeps in this rhythm because it's easier. He gets up occasionally during the day so that he can "see" the DC. But that means look at them while I run around after them, and he sits on the sofa , eats a sandwich, watches TV and then eventually goes back to sleep.
We have three DC - 3yo, 18mo and a newborn. 18mo has a disability so has to be checked a lot in the night. I have had my fair share of sleep deprivation over the past few years, including illness where I have been floored by tiredness and it has really affected my mental health as we have no childcare. 3 year old goes to nursery a couple of mornings a week, but I have the other DC to look after when she goes. Currently all three are ill with the same thing and I think I have managed about three hours of sleep in the last 48 hours.
DH refuses to acknowledge any of this, seemingly out of fear that by acknowledging it he will be chipping away at his long held crown as the one who is sacrificing everything for us, the main breadwinner, the REAL martyr in all of this, and the REAL one who has no sleep.
He has no idea, and no desire to know, what my physical experience is. Of being pregnant. He had no interest in my experience of pregnancy, still expected me to do the things I normally do, all through morning sickness and right up to the point of being in labour, he offered no help with the DC. He has no idea of my experience of being up a lot in the night and up all day too. Of having periods of almost non-stop torturous awake time which makes me physically ill. And then no respite when I actually do get ill from it. And of being alone with the kids, all day, all night with no adult company or conversation.
Luckily we do have relatives nearby who I can call on in situations of dire emergency, but those times are a rarity and it would have to be really bad to get to that. It's my backstop though, and I am grateful for it, as I know many other people do not have a backstop.
But it's the principle of this and the unfairness that I feel angry about. It's the arrogance of it. We all have to be quiet during the day while he sleeps and then when he gets up he wants to be treated like a King.
I am so resentful that I am losing respect for him.
AIBU?