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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that DH should allow DC to have a birthday party

74 replies

Mittenskittensandautomobiles · 07/03/2018 14:11

My twins are turning 5 in a few months time. We have never had a party for them that we invited friends to, only small family parties.
This is the first time, because of starting school, that they have lots of friends they would like to invite to a party. However, DH has said no to a party. I have talked to him on several occasions about it as the DTs would love it but he has said a firm no.There have only been two parties at school since they started, despite there being lots of birthdays and so DH said we shouldn't have one either.

The twins are our only children and I like to make as many lovely memories as possible for them. I also had a party every year growing up where as DH only ever had one party as a child and that was apparently because he begged his mother for one.

I just don't understand why he is so adamant that the DC cannot have a party? I also feel annoyed that he gets to put his foot down, leaving me with no say in the matter.

OP posts:
umizoomi · 07/03/2018 14:13

What is his reasoning? It's very mean of him

Dafspunk · 07/03/2018 14:13

Why don’t you just put your foot down and hold the party? Confused

Trinity66 · 07/03/2018 14:14

Why does he get to decide?

Cheesenacho123 · 07/03/2018 14:15

Who’ll be over seeing the party? Just you or both of you? I always had a party when I was younger and my son will have a party if he wants to but I’ll be letting him decide whether he wants to have a party or not.

OldBlueStitches · 07/03/2018 14:16

He doesn't have to be there.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 07/03/2018 14:16

Why does he just get to decide? You should compromise, a party but maybe not a whole class one? If he refused to compromise I'd just go ahead and do one myself to be honest, his firm no would and refusal to compromise would make me dig my heels in

waterrat · 07/03/2018 14:17

Is he controlling generally? Just make a list, invite some kids and have a little tea party...easy.

NerNerNerNerBATMAN · 07/03/2018 14:17

Why does his view trump yours?

If you can afford it then it sounds very mean not to. I always feel a bit sorry for the kids whose parents don't let them have parties, finances aside. They will know by 5 that their peers are experiencing things they aren't.

Original poster
Mittenskittensandautomobiles · 07/03/2018 14:17

I would be the one organising everything, etc, etc. Heck, he needn't even come if it's a problem? However, I feel if i just go ahead with the party he will say i've gone against his wishes and be angry about it.

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 07/03/2018 14:18

Not sure about in the UK (if that's where you are) but here in Ireland you can hire a community centre really cheaply for a couple of hours, you could hold the party there and DH can stay away f he doesn't want to go

feathermucker · 07/03/2018 14:18

Why does he get to put his foot down?! Surely it should be a mutual decision rather than him saying a flat no?

Are things ok otherwise OP?

windchimesabotage · 07/03/2018 14:18

Why has he said no? That does seem odd. You dont have to go overboard just get a cake and some party games... or even take them all off to the softplay after having cake and sandwiches in the house?
Thats what my mum used to do with me... or take them all to a film. Then some party is had in the house but not a really big one that will make loads of mess etc
would that work for him?

Whisperquietly · 07/03/2018 14:18

That’s so sad, your poor DT. If you can afford a party and your DT would love one, then I think your DH is being incredibly mean. Why does he get to dictate what will happen?

BabiesComeWithHats · 07/03/2018 14:18

FIve year old twins are the perfect age to have a party. Both done in one hit, no worrying about the other sibling, all their friends invited at once, job done.

Book a village hall and tell him it's happening.

MrsGB2225 · 07/03/2018 14:18

Have a party tea and your house with 4 of their closest friends. Doesn't cost much!

HobnobBob · 07/03/2018 14:19

But why does he get to put his foot and you have no say? That’s not a fair way of dealing with things. Why don’t you put your foot and down and say they are. Why does he get the final say?

At that age just have a soft play party. No mess to clear up, it’s easy.

Hoppinggreen · 07/03/2018 14:19

You will have gone against his wishes if you let your 5 year old have a party?
He sounds very controlling. Has he said why they can’t have a party?

HobnobBob · 07/03/2018 14:20

Is he usually this controlling? Does he have the final say in most things?

Original poster
Mittenskittensandautomobiles · 07/03/2018 14:21

Finances aren't an issue, and I've got lots of helpers (grandparents, siblings, etc) willing to help out if he doesn't want to come for whatever reason.

He is very much a 'do what everyone else is doing' kind of person. So he's seen that only two people have had a party since September and so he doesn't want to do one either because 'no one else does'.

OP posts:
HobnobBob · 07/03/2018 14:28

So what everyone else does is more important than what would make his children happy? As they grow up he’ll find they will want friends to come to parties, he won’t be able to decide for them.

ItsAllABitStrangeReally · 07/03/2018 14:31

I could not stay with a man like this.

Who the hell does he think he is to take away the joy of a party with friends away from his kids ?? It doesn't need to be a massive deal, an old fashioned jelly, ice cream and party games affair still goes down a storm at that age.

ViceAdmiralAmilynHoldo · 07/03/2018 14:32

Have you tried 'putting your foot down'?

LeighaJ · 07/03/2018 14:37

Unless there's a financial reason for it then I really don't understand saying no.

Lethaldrizzle · 07/03/2018 14:39

Just hire somewhere so it's out of the house and go ahead anyway. No way woukd I let someone dictate to me like that. They are your kids too

Aeroflotgirl · 07/03/2018 14:39

Wow he's awfully controlling, is he like this in other areas. My dh is not keen on parties, but I put my foot down and organised one anyway for 15 of their friends. Actually we have hosted quite a few parties, in different venues.

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