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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

ParentPay, divorce and arrears

75 replies

NotReallyAMumButaDad · 07/03/2018 09:46

Surely someone else has had this situation?!

We had a ParentPay account set up and we share a login to top up. We've been divorced for years and now there's a tit for tat from the other side over money. £2.15 ParentPay balances, to be precise.

The account keeps falling in to arrears as the other parent won't top up the account, meaning we get messages from the schools to clear the balance or our child goes hungry.

I've asked the school to set up a separate account for me so that I am in control of my days and payments, rather than topping up and clearing arrears on the other parent's days, but they are less than helpful saying they can't have two accounts. I've said that I want to be removed from the account completely and send cash in for the one day a week our child has dinner on my days, but they say they can't do that and don't accept cash payments. What happens if someone doesn't have internet access???

Has/is anyone else in this situation? Is it possible to have two separate accounts for the different residency days (it's 50/50 through the week so pretty routine). I've emailed ParentPay directly, just waiting for an answer.

And yes, it should be down to the parents to be amicable enough to sort this out, but we aren't...

OP posts:

ZeroFuchsGiven · 07/03/2018 09:49

You resent paying for food for your child?

MinorRSole · 07/03/2018 09:50

How is it 50/50 if you are only responsible for 1 school day?

It seems absurd that you are expecting the school and parentpay to step in and resolve the issue for the sake of £2.15! You are both adults I presume?

Who is under paying - I'm guessing it's the other parent? Do either of you pay maintenance?

staydazzling · 07/03/2018 09:52

not a helpful response Zero Im sorry i have no practical advice just support, i think cashless school policys are shit and make it much more awkward for parents.

Snowysky20009 · 07/03/2018 09:52

Firstly, if my child needed food, they needed food, if I had to pay (actually I do pay it all) all the time then so be it. Why would you let you child go hungry?
As far as I am aware you can only have one parentpay account per child, but obviously have more than one user registered.

Glumglowworm · 07/03/2018 09:53

Send a packed lunch on your days? And make this clear to school so they only chase the other parent for school dinners?

Or both of you start acting like adults and ensure your child gets fed? Which is by far the best option for the poor child stuck in the middle

AnachronisticCorpse · 07/03/2018 09:53

Jesus fuck that’s petty.

Just take over the payment entirely. I can’t believe you’d let your child go hungry for the sake of a few quid.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 07/03/2018 09:56

not a helpful response Zero

It was a genuine question.

MidniteScribbler · 07/03/2018 09:58

I don't think schools should have to make extra admin work because two parents can't act like adults to make sure their child has food.

The other parents sounds like a douche, but if you're refusing to put in money for your child to eat, then that makes you an even bigger douche.

Bbbbbbbb2017 · 07/03/2018 10:00

Good god if its 2.15 a day then both just pay £5.50 a week. Sorted.

HerRoyalNotness · 07/03/2018 10:01

I take it you child has dinners twice per week so you’re paying for one day each? Why don’t you just take over the account and pay for it, and the other parent can take responsibility for something else.

pigeondujour · 07/03/2018 10:05

the other parent

Just FYI, your username betrays your gender neutral language not that we couldn't have guessed anyway

itstimeforanamechange · 07/03/2018 10:18

They have to take cash (or at least cheque) top-ups. Not everyone has internet access or indeed a credit/debit card. Check this again. I can send in cash or a cheque via ds or use the online system.

OhGodWhatTheHellNow · 07/03/2018 10:19

As a school ParentPay admin, the child can only have one account as the data is loaded in directly from SIMS (the nationwide school database).

I have had the same situation where one parent built up arrears for 'their' days and the other parent didn't want to clear them. ParentPay isn't able to divide the debt as it attaches to the child not the payer. I had to keep a written log of which parent had sent in money on which days (yes, cash & cheque payments also have to be entered into ParentPay by the school so this wouldn't solve the problem) and then would address the debt letter to the particular parent I knew was behind first. It was a complete pita frankly, Dad still wouldn't pay and the children were constantly in debt, and then left the school in debt which the school then had to cover.

If any arrears go too high it has to be passed up to County to chase, and I doubt they would give any consideration to whose days were whose.

There is no solution other than you resolving this with your ex, or packups.

DeathStare · 07/03/2018 10:22

This is petty and your poor child is stuck in the middle of it. But if it matters that much to you just send them in with a packed lunch on your days and make your ex entirely responsible for the account.

DeathStare · 07/03/2018 10:24

the other parent

Just FYI, your username betrays your gender neutral language not that we couldn't have guessed anyway

Just because we can guess the sex of the OP it doesn't mean we know the sex of the other parent

OhGodWhatTheHellNow · 07/03/2018 10:26

Oh and also a heads up, it can take ParentPay up to a week to respond to an email, you're better off calling. They're usually quite helpful.

hungryhippo90 · 07/03/2018 10:28

So from what you say you are liable for one day per week? So I take it you must be paying child maintenance.
Why not pay 100% of the school dinners and adjust the child maintenance accordingly?

I don’t know how easy this is to do through CMS, which I imagine you go through if this situation is anything to go by? But surely they’ll take into account you’re paying school dinner money towards your child’s upkeep?

bastardkitty · 07/03/2018 10:29

Wow. Just wow. You're on the wrong forum.

Rainboho · 07/03/2018 10:35

Just suck it up and pay it. How do you think this makes your child feel? Quibbling over £2 odd, my day/their day, the school wont help, child could go hungry.

Pull your head out of your arse.

DramaInPyjamas · 07/03/2018 10:43

Squabbling over who's turn to feed their child? Does it really matter if you are paying for days that you are not 'in control'?

Your priority here seems like getting one over on one another, not a happy and fed child.
Grow up and stop playing silly games, the pair of you.

Original poster

NotReallyAMumButaDad · 07/03/2018 10:46

Thanks all.

Yes it is petty.

This is the argument my current partner and I are repeatedly having, so I wanted to see what can be done to appease her. She is also a teacher and a parent.

OP posts:

jaimelannistersgoldenhand · 07/03/2018 10:52

I had no idea you could be in debt to ParentPay. There's been a few times where I've had panicked calls from my kids saying that they had 50p and could I top up.

I wonder if they could remove the credit feature so that you can send your son in with £2.15 on your days.

SilverDragonfly1 · 07/03/2018 11:00

Can you afford to pay the full amount each week? If so, I'd let this slide. Your child getting food is more important than head games.

Maybe83 · 07/03/2018 11:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigeondujour · 07/03/2018 11:00

Just because we can guess the sex of the OP it doesn't mean we know the sex of the other parent

Hahaha, 'we' might not...

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