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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

ParentPay, divorce and arrears

75 replies

NotReallyAMumButaDad · 07/03/2018 09:46

Surely someone else has had this situation?!

We had a ParentPay account set up and we share a login to top up. We've been divorced for years and now there's a tit for tat from the other side over money. £2.15 ParentPay balances, to be precise.

The account keeps falling in to arrears as the other parent won't top up the account, meaning we get messages from the schools to clear the balance or our child goes hungry.

I've asked the school to set up a separate account for me so that I am in control of my days and payments, rather than topping up and clearing arrears on the other parent's days, but they are less than helpful saying they can't have two accounts. I've said that I want to be removed from the account completely and send cash in for the one day a week our child has dinner on my days, but they say they can't do that and don't accept cash payments. What happens if someone doesn't have internet access???

Has/is anyone else in this situation? Is it possible to have two separate accounts for the different residency days (it's 50/50 through the week so pretty routine). I've emailed ParentPay directly, just waiting for an answer.

And yes, it should be down to the parents to be amicable enough to sort this out, but we aren't...

OP posts:

ZeroFuchsGiven · 07/03/2018 11:01

This is the argument my current partner and I are repeatedly having, so I wanted to see what can be done to appease her

So you have a new partner who resents you paying for food for your child?

Why would you be with someone like that?

PastaOfMuppets · 07/03/2018 11:07

Your poor DC

Grobagsforever · 07/03/2018 11:10

Wow you remind of my parents who let us go without for the sake of petty point scoring. My dads new wife wouldn't let him ring us every other day as it 'cost money' and my mum wouldn't let us ring him for the same reason. I no longer speak to my dad.

Just grow up, pay the full amount and tell your new partner to stop being such a shitty person. And don't have anymore children until you understand parenting.

DeathStare · 07/03/2018 11:17

This is the argument my current partner and I are repeatedly having, so I wanted to see what can be done to appease her

If your partner seriously resents you spending £10ish a week to feed your child then you need to end the relationship not appease her

MinorRSole · 07/03/2018 11:23

This is the argument my current partner and I are repeatedly having, so I wanted to see what can be done to appease her. She is also a teacher and a parent.

You are repeatedly arguing over £2.15?

Emily7708 · 07/03/2018 11:23

This is so beyond petty it’s unbelievable. Just be the bigger person and take over the account. FFS it’s £11 a week, term time only just for the few years your child is at school!!

donners312 · 07/03/2018 11:34

I would prefer it if you and your 'current' partner just went away and left me to bring up my DC on my own.

Keep your £2.15 you can spend it on your 'current' partner sounds like you need it.

geekone · 07/03/2018 11:34

Ok I get it I think. Your partner is pissed off that her former partner is always in arrears and doesn't want to pay for him every time? You think it's petty you have come into AIBU to confirm this?
Am I right?
It is Petty for the sake of 2.15 I would just pay it but it's also bloody annoying when an agreement is in place it's more than £75 a year the other parent is getting away with not paying.

Poor kid stuck in the middle of all that

bastardkitty · 07/03/2018 11:37

So your ex partner is a problem and your current partner is a problem. Nothing to do with you though - you're just a peach. Sure.

LagunaBubbles · 07/03/2018 11:40

Good god if its 2.15 a day then both just pay £5.50 a week. Sorted

No. Thats the problem, the other parent is refusing to pay.

bibliomania · 07/03/2018 11:41

Just pay it. Seriously, it's not worth fighting over. Sometimes one person has to be the bigger person and stop trying to "win".

ZeroFuchsGiven · 07/03/2018 11:43

@donners312.

I'm confused by your comment, Are you the other parent?

donners312 · 07/03/2018 11:47

No - i was assuming the OP current partner begrudged OP paying £2;15 so I was essentially saying if I was the ex partner I would rather the OP just fucked off!

Maybe I got it the wrong way around.

MinorRSole · 07/03/2018 11:48

I'm confused by the whole bloody thread. Who even cares whose day it is - the poor kid still needs to eat! Just pay for your child's lunch any day they need you to!

ZeroFuchsGiven · 07/03/2018 11:51

Sorry @donners312, I read it wrong :)

W0rriedMum · 07/03/2018 11:52

Honestly? I'd just pay for it all! It seems silly arguing and stressing out the child for the sale of £10/week? If truly struggling, do look at whether you're eligible for support, I..e. pupil premium etc

MummytoCSJH · 07/03/2018 12:02

I agree it's petty and you should just pay the arrears but make it clear to the school you won't be again.
But to answer pps, it does matter whose day it is. Say OP has child 50% of the time, including the weekend, its not as though they don't pay to feed that child in that time. They are not 'getting away' with not paying for meals just because it isnt a school day, in fact I'd say most children eat more when at home because they can snack too.

TheCatWearsOrange · 07/03/2018 12:03

Just move to pack lunches

MrsPicklesonSmythe · 07/03/2018 12:08

Your poor kid.

What a pair of idiots. Just pay for your child to eat, it isn’t hard. Who cares who’s turn it is?!

DramaInPyjamas · 07/03/2018 12:12

How do school outings get paid?
How about supplies like pencils and erasers. and Uniform? Do you seriously divide up every last penny?

Justgivemesomepeace · 07/03/2018 12:13

Imagine how your child feels in the middle of this. They know the account is in arrears too and must feel awful. Step up and pay it for the same of your child. I can't believe the way you are both carrying on. Disgusting.

PinkHeart5914 · 07/03/2018 12:13

Blimey for the sake of a few £ I’d just pay it, I mean seriously the poor child has to eat and in this petty situation I’d rather be the adult than argue over something so stupid!

MrsPicklesonSmythe · 07/03/2018 12:20

This sort of pettiness infuriated me.
I once genuinely forgot to top up my son’s account (it was a very bad week!) he was given crackers and water that day in front of his friends and he was told it was because I hadn’t paid. I was mortified. They called it an emergency lunch and put 65p on his account for it. Why you would intentionally allow this to happen and squabble over £2 is beyond me.

Whatisthewhatisthewhat · 07/03/2018 12:26

It’s 2 quid. For your child’s food. You should all be ashamed of yourselves! And as someone with divorced parents I can tell you this is the exact sort of petty squabbling that fucks kids up.

Rainboho · 07/03/2018 12:26

So it is pissing your current partner off and you want to appease her rather than make sure your child is fed?

Hope the sex is worth it. Christ.

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