ParentPay, divorce and arrears

[NotReallyAMumButaDad]

Surely someone else has had this situation?!

We had a ParentPay account set up and we share a login to top up. We've been divorced for years and now there's a tit for tat from the other side over money. £2.15 ParentPay balances, to be precise.

The account keeps falling in to arrears as the other parent won't top up the account, meaning we get messages from the schools to clear the balance or our child goes hungry.

I've asked the school to set up a separate account for me so that I am in control of my days and payments, rather than topping up and clearing arrears on the other parent's days, but they are less than helpful saying they can't have two accounts. I've said that I want to be removed from the account completely and send cash in for the one day a week our child has dinner on my days, but they say they can't do that and don't accept cash payments. What happens if someone doesn't have internet access???

Has/is anyone else in this situation? Is it possible to have two separate accounts for the different residency days (it's 50/50 through the week so pretty routine). I've emailed ParentPay directly, just waiting for an answer.

And yes, it should be down to the parents to be amicable enough to sort this out, but we aren't...

All the adults here need to get a serious grip. You, current partner and ex all of you.

Your child needs to be fed. All of you stop trying to score points over something so vital to the child and so petty to all of you.

If new partner really resents you paying “more than your share” to feed your child then why are you with someone who begrudges your child a couple of £ a week extra for food? I couldn’t respect anyone with that attitude never mind love them.

To be fair to ParentPay, it's down to the school/Education Authority admin at what point they cut off meals. ParentPay just logs the meals/payment items taken and reconciles them with the payments made so yes you can have a debt balance.

Most mums on here would pay it no matter who should pay ithe. HTH.

If that's your partner's attitude to making sure your child is fed even though it's not technically your day your relationship won't last, and it will only get worse if you're daft enough to get them pregnant too.

Note: relationship could apply to either your DP or your kid.

Suck it up and pay, that's what has to be done when one parent isn't pulling their weight.

Jesus Christ, if you can afford it just pay! If you can’t afford it, look into whether you can get some help for school meals. Alternatively, send packed lunches and cut out the need for the ridiculous drama over the cost of feeding your child.

I am guess this has to do with maintenance too? And you u are seeing it as I have paid my bit .... now met me in the middle?

I wouldn't dream of letting my DS go to school and queue up for lunch knowing I haven't paid for them .... what kind of mother does that also?

You know what I would send the child to school with a pack up.

No I wouldn't pay the money ..., yes it's only £2.50 a week extra but that over a year adds up .... if this was the mother we would be advocating the same .... why is it father's always get the bad deal?!

Feed your fucking kid

Ah, you’re a bloke then? Get ready to be flamed.

Ffs. 'Parents' like this make me sick to my stomach. Your child probably feels guilty for eating. Stop fucking the child up and just pay for the bloody lunch. Find something else to squabble over but not this. Can you not see how this will be quietly fucking up your child? Get a grip. Pay the money and steal your partners pot plants in return, whatever floats your boat...but something so basic as providing your child with food??

Ah, you’re a bloke then? Get ready to be flamed

This has nothing to do with op being a man at all, all 3 adults in this are just as shit as each other.

That poor kid - how to feel loved an wanted - parents can't even sort out a meal at school.

I hope to God they are not a DD as you will have sanitary products to pay for next - or will she be trying to scav them of friends cos you are all to tight to pay for any for her.

Don't be suprised if at 18 she goes NC

I’ve read it that it’s a same sex relationship but PPs are right, the sex of the three people involved in this is irrelevant. OP, all three of you should be hanging your heads in shame that you are arguing about who pays for school lunches for your child. This is a situation where you should be taking the moral high ground, even if it costs you an extra couple of quid a week.

. why is it father's always get the bad deal?! Excuse me, what?

The child is the one getting the bad deal, the parents are being idiots regardless of gender

Interesting that the majority of you assume the child is caught in the middle. I wouldn't make them aware of any of what's going on between the adults, if you would then who should be ashamed? Child is always fed and cared for, as far as they are aware everything is great.

There is a lot of background to a situation none of you will know. It was a simple question about a specific thing.

Your child must be deaf and blind then, our mistake. Or, you're kidding yourself.

Your kid is fully aware how much money they have on their account and when they are in arrears. How do you think this impacts them? Maybe they're even limiting what they eat at school in case they go over? But as long as you don't pay £2.15 over your share.......

It's your child too. Pay the damn money Jesus Christ!!!

Don't be silly, justone, it's nothing to do with the gender of anyone involved. It's whether you prioritise the child or the point-scoring.

I am genuinely at this thread

I have STBXH who is not paying maintenance and has never once paid for a school dinner, bus pass etc even whilst married. I get on with it, set my reminders and top up the damn parentpay account. It would never ever occur to me to allow my child to get near the position of there being no balance for his dinner

Shame on everyone

There is a lot of background to a situation none of you will know

Who cares about the background? This about whether your child gets fed. This is not a situation for point scoring. Just feed your child.

I was looking at this thread as I am in a similar situation with Parentpay and I was trying to find solutions.
The problem you might all be overlooking is that people pay <<everything>> via ParentPay, not just lunches. School clubs, activities, sports, after school and breakfast clubs, PTAs, school fund contributions and so on. With three children, the typical cost of a week of childcare can easily be more than £150. Not £2 like the OP mentions (and yes, he should hang his head in shame for not covering it). I had multiple weeks in which my ex wife was leaving the parentpay account in debt for £200 or more. It's a loophole in the payment system (I don't want to explain the trick she was using, otherwise others with bad intentions might do the same), but you can easily land your ex partner with more than £200 A WEEK of payments in arrears. Not £2. When I wanted to book after school clubs, so I could work the full day, I wasn't able to - unless I paid my ex's debt in full. Same story for lunches, and kids' activities. This went on for weeks and months. The school can't do anything about it, but Parentpay should definitely introduce a change in their system, and allow two separate accounts for every child if needed. This would reduce squabbling and having one parent taking advantage of the other.