Is this friend taking the piss?

[PinataDonk]

I have one very dear friend who drinks an awful lot. When we meet up she always drinks to excess (pint and a shot at every round) and during the course of the evening it would be standard for her to have around 8 pints and 4/5 shots. She's always a mess by the end. Likes drinking, doesn't want to stop. Health ok at the moment.

My issue is meeting up with her is costing me a fortune. I will have 2 glasses of wine then soft drinks but she's downing hers so quickly I feel obliged to get her another rather than let her sit with an empty glass. We always alternate rounds too. So I'll be paying £2 for my lemonade and £7 for her pint and shot at every round.

How can I assertively avoid spending a fortune on her drinks when we meet up? Last time she even said "oh as you're walking to the loo get me another pint and some shots" so she will openly ask me to get her drinks. I don't want her to think I'm judging her drinking my issue is with how much it costs me when I see her.

Don’t do rounds?
Don’t feel bad for her downing her drink, if she wants another she can walk to the bar and get one.
If she asks you to get her a drink when you get up for the toilet ask her for the money.

"I'm not doing rounds, I'll just stick to buying my own"

Yep, as pp said. Start the night with ‘I’m not really drinking tonight so let’s not do rounds’. Simple!

Tell her your on a budget so you will just pay for yourselves.

Not surprised she’s getting shit faced at every opportunity she goes out with you, your paying for it so she may as well.

I think it sounds really odd to say "I'm not drinking so let's not do rounds"- is there a less direct way of saying that same kind of thing?

Start of the evening just say ‘I’ll sort my own drinks out tonight rather than doing rounds’. When she asks you to grab her drinks on the way back from toilet ‘yeah sure, have you got the cash and I’ll bring your change back for you’.

She is taking the piss but you are allowing her, this one really is simple to fix "I'm not doing rounds tonight" if she says get me a drink on your way to the loo, you say "get yourself a drink while I am in the loo"

You might actually do her a favour, she is probably drinking that much because you are subsidising her, I bet if you stopped she would cut down on the drink a little too

It's more odd to get into expensive rounds when you are not drinking. And she is getting two drinks so technically only getting one round to your two

I don't see her regularly enough to be the cause of the drink problem, she does it every day and has done for years.

I know what you're all saying is right but in this context I think more subtlety is needed- if I announce I'm not doing rounds it would seem really formal and strange.

I'd simply say,let's just stick to paying for our own :)

I didn't mean cause of her drink problem I meant she might drink less on the actual night out if she has to pay her way, not that her drinking in general will be effected

Just say money is tight atm so is it ok if we just pay for ourselves (as pp have said but been ignored)

Yep, say money is tight. (It is when you're funding her functioning alcoholism!)

@Nocabbageinmyeye

Oh sorry misunderstood that comment. Yes maybe, although she tends to get carried away and when I say it's time for me to head off she always begs me to stay out with her or go somewhere else to carry on the drinking. She literally cannot stop and is usually incoherent by the end of a meet up. I think she's like this whoever she is with.

Tell her you're too skint to subsidise her alcoholism any more.

Seriously, don't be a fool.

@MiddleClassProblem sorry I haven't personally addressed every point made on this thread yet in the past few minutes! I'm hardly actively ignoring folk.

Crikey.

I could say money is tight and see if she takes the hint.

If she is so blase about oh ya,grab me a pint and shots on your route to loo,am sure she will understand,money's tight,let's just pay for our own,right at the start of the night so there's no mix ups

I just wouldn’t go out drinking with her. It can’t be much fun watching her become incoherent (and paying for the privilege)

Why not meet her elsewhere? Go to the cinema or for afternoon tea? Or maybe somewhere where alcohol is available but not the focus of the evening like going for a meal or ten pin bowling?

"I'm only having a couple of drinks tonight but I wouldnt want to limit you so probably best we just get our own drinks tonight" job done.

Be assertive, if she wants to drink like a fish let her with her own money. Try, no sorry I can't afford rounds, I am buying my own". If she gets all huffy, I would not go out with her again, that would be a dealbreaker.

No problem

Your a mug op, and she sees that, you are too afraid of upsetting her, but she is upsetting you with her CF behaviour. In our circles, its fine to say no sorry I will get my own, as I am on a budget. Most of us are on a budget so get our own. More fool to you, for not ending this now.

I think it sounds really odd to say "I'm not drinking so let's not do rounds"

um. no it doesn't its just something you are clearly not used to saying. I would also say in a restaurant when ordering say only a starter and a pudding when everyone else is going for 3 courses plus cheese board. Any sensible person would realise I would be heavily subsidising them. There are times when it is easier to just join in with the round but this clearly isnt one of them.

try practising saying it in the mirror. mad but it does help.

Don't hope she'll "take the hint" FFS.
Come on woman, pull on your big girl pants and just tell her you can't afford to buy her drinks anymore!
If she gets nasty she was only with you for the ££££ so no loss to you.

If you don’t want to announce on meeting your not doing rounds, when you head to the bar and she orders just say to the barman actually just the (friends order) then say to your friend your skint so not able to Do rounds, or just order yours only and if she looks at you expectedly then say not doing rounds.

Reading your replies it just seems like you don’t want to say no to her.

As PP suggests, a different meet point would probably be best, cinema, coffee/girls night at one of your houses etc