Is this friend taking the piss?

[PinataDonk]

I have one very dear friend who drinks an awful lot. When we meet up she always drinks to excess (pint and a shot at every round) and during the course of the evening it would be standard for her to have around 8 pints and 4/5 shots. She's always a mess by the end. Likes drinking, doesn't want to stop. Health ok at the moment.

My issue is meeting up with her is costing me a fortune. I will have 2 glasses of wine then soft drinks but she's downing hers so quickly I feel obliged to get her another rather than let her sit with an empty glass. We always alternate rounds too. So I'll be paying £2 for my lemonade and £7 for her pint and shot at every round.

How can I assertively avoid spending a fortune on her drinks when we meet up? Last time she even said "oh as you're walking to the loo get me another pint and some shots" so she will openly ask me to get her drinks. I don't want her to think I'm judging her drinking my issue is with how much it costs me when I see her.

It's quite easy to say "I'm a bit skint at the moment, so I'll just pay for my own drinks."

If she tries to persuade you to stay out, just tell her you can't as you've got to be up early.

Meant to add, it really isn't difficult, or rude to say what I and pps have suggested.

"Do you mind if we buy our own tonight as I'm not bring out my bankcard to try to keep on top of my finances"

She's an absolute CF btw. Rounds should only be done when two people are buying drinks of similar amounts.

Also suggest that you don't meet in bars anymore.

I really do not get the pleasure of doing shots. Seriously, if you want to get drunk quickly, why not a vodka enema?
OP, yes, she is taking the piss, and is an alcoholic. If you are very close friend with her, I think you can use some tough love when you tell her she has a problem, but only when she is sober. No use doing anything when she is smashed.

@PinataDonk

How did it go last night?

We stopped doing rounds years ago, although, fortunately, there aren't any piss takers in our group.

How did it go OP? What did you say?

sounds a CF

I'm teetotal and never pay for rounds. Never been an issue.

You are feeling bad when she is the CF and she should be feeling bad!! She is using you.

I think that you are mistaking being direct for being rude. There is nothing rude about staying your plans in a direct way that can’t be understood. In fact, it saves a lot of bother as everyone knows where they stand.

If you really can’t, then start ordering a shot when it is her round and then when it is your turn say ‘Oh, I’ve still got this one - you have it.’ At least that will reduce your bill a bit.

Hopefully last night went ok and you don’t need this advice.

A couple of other friends ended up joining us and it wasn't really an issue as everyone got their own drinks (doesn't usually happen).

I will have 2 glasses of wine then soft drinks but she's downing hers so quickly I feel obliged to get her another rather than let her sit with an empty glass. We always alternate rounds too. So I'll be paying £2 for my lemonade and £7 for her pint and shot at every round.

What? Are you mad?! I'm with her in that on a night out sadly lacking nowadays I could have a pint and a shot. Why are you paying for rounds when all you're doing is the lemonades when she's having a pint and a Sambuca or whatever as well?!
You feel obliged to buy her a drink as soon as her glass get empty so she's not sitting around - that's your issue, not hers. Did she ask for one, or did you just feel she needs topping up?

Did she still drink the same amount op?

It's interesting that she didn't try to get you to pay for her multiple drinks in the company of other people. She obviously sees you as a soft touch when it's just the two of you, but she wouldn't want to be seen to do that in a larger group.

In future, take enough money for your drinks (and one for her, but only one) and a small amount extra for emergencies. Get her one drink at the start of the evening and then see if she reciprocates. Nurse that drink. It doesn't matter if she's finished hers and leave going to the toilet until she has a full pint in front of her so she won't ask you to get her one.

If you don't see her often I can't see the point in rocking the boat with tales of being skint. If the money you've come out with is gone then go home. If she tries to make you stay, you have no money left so she'll either have to let you go on your way or she'll have to buy you a drink.

Tbh, I'd find someone who drinks that much, and gets that hammered, really tedious.

She is 100% taking the piss.

Please stop enabling her
A) Piss taking

B)Alcoholism

Also , I’m surprised at all the suggestions of phrasing it that you are a bit skint/saving up .

For the first time in my life I have plenty money but would still not let a friend take the piss like this.

Also , how good a friend is she ? Have you ever spoken to her about her addiction?

I've never had a problem with this and really don't understand why people find it an issue. I never drink when I go out (live rurally so always drive). To be honest it's never actually occurred to me that it WAS a problem when I've opted to buy my own drinks as opposed to join the 'rounds' (which I find crazy, by the way....if there are 9 or 10 people on a night out, a round can be £30 or more 😳 and I've never in my life drunk that many drinks in one night, so how does this even out??) Anyway...my point is, you don't need to make up excuses or lie about why you are doing it, just tell the truth...you are on soft drinks so will be buying your own 🙄

I mentioned the "skint" option (and I presume others did too), because OP felt it would be rude to mention only paying for her own drinks. So if she said she was skint, it would seem less rude.

However, I don't think anybody else other than OP, thought it would be rude to mention only buying their own drinks.