Is this friend taking the piss?

[PinataDonk]

I have one very dear friend who drinks an awful lot. When we meet up she always drinks to excess (pint and a shot at every round) and during the course of the evening it would be standard for her to have around 8 pints and 4/5 shots. She's always a mess by the end. Likes drinking, doesn't want to stop. Health ok at the moment.

My issue is meeting up with her is costing me a fortune. I will have 2 glasses of wine then soft drinks but she's downing hers so quickly I feel obliged to get her another rather than let her sit with an empty glass. We always alternate rounds too. So I'll be paying £2 for my lemonade and £7 for her pint and shot at every round.

How can I assertively avoid spending a fortune on her drinks when we meet up? Last time she even said "oh as you're walking to the loo get me another pint and some shots" so she will openly ask me to get her drinks. I don't want her to think I'm judging her drinking my issue is with how much it costs me when I see her.

Try “ I can’t afford to do rounds tonight” she won’t want to embarrass you by questioning you too much.

So what if it sounds formal and strange? You can laugh about that with her.

I think it sounds really odd to say "I'm not drinking so let's not do rounds"- is there a less direct way of saying that same kind of thing?

There does not need to be a less direct way of saying the same thing.

Same rule I teach my DDs to know how to protect themselves... they were rude first, you no longer need to be polite! This rule applies all over.

Honestly, round etiquette is that if one person's on soft drinks they get their own. You will not be the weird one for wanting to do it like that.

I don't see her regularly enough to be the cause of the drink problem, she does it every day and has done for years.

So she's an alcoholic. And if she's drinking that much every day (20 units?) she's killing herself.

Leaving aside the issue of affordability, do you really want to support her drinking herself to death?

If you do see her, could you not just drink your wine slowly and ignore her empty glass until you're ready to get a round in?

She is rude expecting you to sub her drinking binge, so you need to be direct back.

If you want to be subtle they buy a whole bottle of wine at the start of the night. Even if you dont drink it all it will still be cheaper.

Or just say no, sorry I am on a tight budget, so buying my own.

If you can’t face saying you don’t want to do rounds, just stop buying drinks when she’s finished. Make sure she gets the first drink, ask for a pint of soda water with your wine. Don’t offer to buy your round until you are ready for your second glass. Buy more soda water then. Don’t do another round with her.

Why are you concerned about sounding rude by saying you won’t do rounds?
Isn’t it rather thoughtless/rude of your friend to expect you to pay £2 for self but £7 for her on each round ?

I bet she loves going out with you!

Yes she’s taking the piss !

Melj's response is great

So clearly using you. Just meet her for a cake and a cup of tea. Or say you only have £10 on you because you’re only going to have a couple of wines.

I thought I liked a drink but doing that every day! Bliddy 'el.

Anyway yes stop being so polite. If she downs hers just sip yours. IF shes without a drink she can buy herself an inbetween one while you finish yours.

Pretend to run out of money (but keep enough in a pocket for getting home) and tell her that it's her round.

Just make a joke of it, 'right I'll get the first ones in but I'm not going rounds with you, I'll end up bankrupt based on last time hahaha'. You can get your own after this cos I know what you're like. Polite, blunt, friendly and to the point.

Op, does she buy any drinks for you, or is it just you subbing her. Even if she did, it would not be as much as you are buying her. People have given you plenty of reasons you could use, if you end up subbing her again, you only have yourself to blame.

I think she is a CF. I would never let anyone buy me a pint and a shot when they are on soft drinks after two wines. And none of my friends would either. If she has been doing this for years, you are mad for putting up with it. Suggest going to see a film instead or getting a pizza. If she insists on drinking, let her know before you get to the pub. Say/text OK but I can't afford rounds, I'm just getting my own. That way she has an opportunity to get someone else to fund her drinking or meet you.

Does she have a partner. Does she expect them to pay all the time. I'd have no problem saying I only want soft drinks tonight so let's pay for our own.

If you don't want to actively say anything then I'd go with either just buying a bottle of wine at the beginning of the night, or just ignoring her empty glass until you're ready for your next drink. When you finish your second wine, I'd just sit and wait. If she says 'shall we get some more drinks in' then just say 'oh no, I'm okay actually but you go ahead.'

We are meeting later I'll let you know how it goes.

Whahey!

'I find going out with you quite expensive, I'll just be paying for my own drinks this time as I really need to start watching my spending'

“ I’m saving up for a holiday/new car/ new wardrobe ( etc) so on a budget.Will just get my own”

Mate, bring her some AA pamphlets.

This type of drinking is not normal. She's barking at you to get her more pints and shots because she prefers alcohol to you and your wellbeing (that's it, your cash).

Why on earth you would want to spend time with a grown woman who systematically and deliberately becomes an incoherent mess, I don't know.

“ I’m saving up for a holiday/new car/ new wardrobe ( etc) so on a budget.Will just get my own”

Or - I'm really worried about how much you drink. You're killing yourself and I'm not going to help you do that by buying you excessive amounts of alcohol