To wish she'd do less !

[Worksport]

DW has recently upped her interest in fitness. Currently training 6 days a week. She is exhausted. She commutes 2 hours a day, works in a stressful male dominated environment - long hours etc. Then still gets up at 6am at the weekend to run. She is constantly sore, is starting to get knocks/bruises from the gym. I'm worried - I'd like her to slow down, try to talk to her about it but she won't cut down her training. Our evenings are suffering, she wants to go to bed early every evening and our sex life is dwindling because she is so tired. AIBU to think she should slow down a bit ? She can't/won't see that's it's impacting our relationship.

I hate hobbies like running.
Do you have DC? Does it take away from them? Are you doing more around the house? Do you have equal leisure time?

Might she be suffering with OCD? Perhaps due to anxiety and stress? Kind of sounds like it.

I have 1 DC, none together but we are trying and I think this is hindering our chances. I make dinner, do shopping etc because it's too late by the time she gets home. She generally does housework at weekend. She never stops!

My first thought would be body image issues leading to something like exercise addiction or orthodoxia. Has she changed her diet too?

No dramatic change to diet, she has always eaten well. She looks great and the hard work is really paying off but I'm worried it's taking too much out of her. (No OCD, no body image issues)

She generally does housework at the weekend? When do you do housework?

I will do odds and ends through the week - she does a big clean at the weekend. Generally when I take DC to sport. I do most of cooking, food shopping.

Right...

So, is this really about your concern for her or concern over you not getting enough sex and attention? She seems to be doing what suits her and she is still doing her fair share of the housework it seems.

When you say 'when you take DC to sport', do you mean your DC (not hers)?

Yes my DC her SC. I am worried about how tired she is and also I think she is putting her need for fitness before our relationship.

How long does she run for? How far?

I am worried about how tired she is

So, have you tried (radical, I know) talking to her to get to the bottom of why she prefers being tired from fitness over physical contact with you?

How much exercise is she actually doing?

Is she aiming for something (a marathon or a competition)? She may be focussing on that for the moment.
It's actually good for anyone who has a demanding job to do exercise or some other hobby that they really enjoy, and people with DC still need time to pursue their own interests. However, some negotiation might be needed to ensure that both parents get leisure time - what hobbies do you have?

How long does she actually exercise every day? She clearly wants to keep herself fit. Six days per week is how you keep yourself fit but it doesn't need to take up an exorbitant amount of time. If you've discussed it and that is still a priority for her, clearly it's important to her. She doesn't have children to look after and she is contributing to keeping the house she lives in. How about making the most of the rest day?

Didn't you post a while back about suspecting your wife of having an affair because she has started 'taking care of herself' & works in a male orientated environment?

Did anything come of that OP, did you manage to talk to her at all?

How much exercise is she doing?

How long does she actually run for?

What is she running from I wonder?

I run and it keeps me sain. The nhs recommend 150 minutes per week plus two strength building sessions.

The norm is to not excersise and most people don’t even meet the minimum levels recommended by the NHS.

Oh come on, if this was a woman posting her DP was at the gym every night and too tired to spend time with her everyone would be saying how awful he is!

Anyway, a stressful job, 2h commute sounds hell to me. She probably needs the exercise to relax. However I can see that that doesn't leave much time for a relationship.

The sex is irrelevant

Can you talk to her and say you miss spending time together? And could you both make more time for each other?