To wish she'd do less !

[Worksport]

DW has recently upped her interest in fitness. Currently training 6 days a week. She is exhausted. She commutes 2 hours a day, works in a stressful male dominated environment - long hours etc. Then still gets up at 6am at the weekend to run. She is constantly sore, is starting to get knocks/bruises from the gym. I'm worried - I'd like her to slow down, try to talk to her about it but she won't cut down her training. Our evenings are suffering, she wants to go to bed early every evening and our sex life is dwindling because she is so tired. AIBU to think she should slow down a bit ? She can't/won't see that's it's impacting our relationship.

Sounds like you need to have a frank (but not accusatory) conversation about the impact it's having on your relationship with her.

Maybe try suggesting she try some yoga instead, it's great for fitness and stress relief and shouldn't impact her body so negatively. Can even do it at home together.

Is she eating well? Still having periods? Within normal weight perimeters?

Are you sure she's going to the gym? Does she shower there then come home?

Are you the same person who wondered if his wife was having an affair, spent a lot of time and money on your ex, refused to consider IVF and told her that she didn't need a child as you already had one?

If that was not you then I apologise, if it was then I can't blame her for wanting to spend time away from you.

It’s an affair, sorry.

I don't think she is having an affair. She works out minimum of an hour per day at a high intensity boot camp type thing. So the bruises are from sandbags and falling while doing a burpee etc. She is slim but not underweight - periods are normal. She runs 2/3k to her class daily and then weekends are 5/10k and we do that together. I play sport and do that a couple of nights a week. I've tried talking to her about it, she'll make a bit more of an effort to stay up late or to be intimate .... but I just can tell she is exhausted! She is happy to go to bed 8:30/9 for some time together, but any later she is just exhausted! When I have asked her not to do so much she is pretty defensive saying she is a home all weekend with me and I play sport so she shouldn't have to give it up. But I'm worried this is excessive. She comes home in her corporate gear and shoves her kit straight into wash.

Right, the drip feed.

So you're busy a couple of nights a week and the weekend with your sports and your child's sports, but you want her to give up her sport to spend more time with you.

And even though you're busy a couple of nights a week and the weekend with your sports, you believe you do your fair share of the housework (why on earth she needs to do a deep clean every weekend then eh....)

If I were you, instead of nagging her for sex, I'd have a good sit down with her to see where the division of labour in the home is going wrong.

She is right, why should she give up her hobby so you can have sex?

Too much exercise and not enough relaxation and food can definitely impact fertility, because it impacts hormone production.

You may think she looks great but most of the time when men think women look thin but healthy they are dangerously underweight.

It sounds like she is unbalanced in her thinking and unable to do a sensible amount of exercise.
Worth asking her if she is avoiding you and does not want a child, and that is why she has increased her exercise. Ask nicely but directly - always best to be honest and to air your fears.

Give up OP. You're on a hiding to nothing here because ........ you're a man and different rules apply.

I don't think it's her hour of exercise per day that's the problem it's the commute and stressful job. A lot of people would take an hour out most days for some form of exercise, albeit probably not as intensive as you dw is doing.
I don't think asking/expecting her to give up her hobby is fair, it's her one hour in the day for herself. But it sounds like she would benefit from a better work life balance. Is it possible to move nearer her work?

idontdowindows - don’t know what thread you’re reading but it ain’t this one!

He doesn’t want her to give up her sport, he wants her to cut down a bit. She’s spending at least an hour a day. He’s not nagging her for sex, he also mentioned just spending time together. He’s said he does chores, cooking, shopping, I’d bloody love to go to work then gym and do nothing else all week with just housework at the weekends but I think my family might have something to say about it!

She is right, why should she give up her hobby so you can have sex?
Did you miss the bit where the OP said that DW was exhausted, bruised and constantly sore?! Is this really what you'd consider a healthy state for your partner? The OP is worried & understandably so because DW is sounding like she's heading towards being ill - being constantly tired and sore isn't healthy. And working out to that extent 6 times a week on top of a lifestyle where she doesn't stop and relax is also unhealthy.
But as Alexa has just said - men are treated differently here.

So you have a hobby, but you think she should give up hers? OK, other than when you ask her to pay you more attention, does she generally seem to be enjoying her exercise? Someone who finds their hobby relaxing and engaging is probably all right; someone who complains about the pain and the tiredness, and is anxious or angry with themselves about not doing enough exercise, is someone who has or is developing a problem. (Pain and tiredness are not always percieved by the person experiencing them as a problem - sometimes they are seen as an acceptable consequence on the way to a desired goal.)

She definitely wants children. I see the heart ache every month and I can see why she has thrown herself into exercise. One it helps her network and two it's a good stress relief. She really struggles if she has to miss a day. Sometimes she leaves at 5am to workout before the office. Moving isn't an option, it's her dream home - albeit she is never in it to enjoy it. But it's as close to the city as we can afford.

Btw she never complains about being tired but I know just looking at her. She is often having to ice something, take painkillers - she's already had 1 X-ray this year !

Did you miss the bit where the OP said that DW was exhausted, bruised and constantly sore?

Not at all, but he's drip feeding us about the amount of time he spends on his hobby, and odds and ends and the cooking and shopping is hardly a full load of housework.

It's quite funny, but research already shows us that men think they're pulling their weight wrt housework when in reality the wives do much, much more

So no, I don't give men a lot of leeway there, because we already know they overestimate their input in the housework on a vast scale.

YANBU, it sounds like she's over exercising and not giving her body time to heal. There is no need to exercise that much, she's going to end up doing permanent damage to her body. I have two herniated discs in my lower back as proof of that.

Soooo... you're allowed your hobby a few nights a week but she's the one who isn't making any effort?

One hour bootcamp and working each day isn't too much? I do similar.

She doesn't have any children, so they are not suffering.

At weekends you exercise together?

I don't see the problem

Taking this thread at face value (I also remember that other thread pps have mentioned) where has OP said he wants her to give up her hobby completely?
She sounds like she's over-exercising. I also agree with a pp that if this was a woman posting about her DH spending all the time at the gym, she'd be told to LTB. I have seen threads just like that, if not the gym, then it's cycling.

It sounds like she's either checking out of the relationship, or has some body issues going on.

Ya it does sound like she's over exercising.
Unfortunately I think the more you ask her to take it easier the more she'll resist.

I've never said I want her to quit. I am genuinely worried that she is pushing herself too hard and can't/won't see it. She had more bruising yesterday. Her argument was I come home raked, had to get stitches in my face from a bad collision, dislocated knee, ankle etc. I don't want that for her !!

@MissHemsworth I thought the same... deja vu!

Thing is, OP has already said he does several nights a week on HIS sports and not a mention of giving any of that up!

She's not over exercising. An hour 6 days a week is not too much. I do that and I'm overweight! I'm not knackered, I'm a single mum and run various businesses. My job is sedentary so an hour a day of actually moving around is not a lot.