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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Your kettle must be broken

170 replies

TellMeItsNotTrue · 06/03/2018 13:16

AIBU to not offer a drink to workmen who say this or similar 5 minutes after arriving? Angry

Angry it pisses me off! If you want a drink then ask for one, if you had given me a chance I would have offered you one but not 5 minutes after you turn up while you are still unloading the van and haven't even started doing anything! Angry

I always offer a choice of tea, coffee, cold drinks. I make sure I have biscuits in, I've even made homemade soup for workmen in the past when they were working on the garage in horrible weather!

So it's not like I'm mean when it comes to that sort of thing, comments like that just get my back up and then I don't want to offer them anything! So AIBU to reply "yes it must be" and then not offer a drink?

OP posts:
HeadfirstForHalos · 07/03/2018 00:28

We've had builders in the last 3 months and they would often ask for drinks in a 'cheeky' way, although I usually offered first. Dh got asked in exactly the same way, so i don't think its necessarily a sexist thing! The scaffolders called my dh love and begged for a brew as soon as he opened the front door Grin

They were all also equally happy making their own when we were both at work and left them to it.

I really can't get my back uo about brewing up , especially when they have done such a great job.

blackteasplease · 07/03/2018 00:44

I usually make them a cup of tea/ coffee and leave out biscuits if I have them. Then I say "I'll leave out the tea etc, help yourself if you want another one"

If I'm at home I'll be working from home and I always mention this in passing.

blackteasplease · 07/03/2018 00:47

What he said to you is incredibly rude and I wouldn't have made him anything. And the comment about the husband would have me calling their employer and probably cancelling the job if non urgent.

loobywench · 07/03/2018 01:07

I had workmen in fitting a kitchen. I had to take my DS to school and when I came back they'd helped themselves to toast! I was Angry

Pemba · 07/03/2018 01:21

What a nerve! Did you say anything? Why on earth would they think it's OK to just help themselves without asking. You just don't do that in someone else's home, it's basic manners. Eg I wouldn't do that even in my parents' home.

Sadly, it always seem to be British builders that behave like this (only some of them, of course). I have had foreign workmen who are polite and lovely. In the summer I had one fitting the new boiler, and he gave me a choc ice from a pack he'd brought with him. Fixed a light switch for me for free as well.

NoKnownFather · 07/03/2018 01:31

Don't know if other's living on their own have a pair of men's shoes and other clothing in visible places? It has amazed me how often they will ask where DH is or when he will return, usually after they've noticed the shoes/boots or shirt/jacket/etc. If they are working outside the house, I say he works nightshift and is in bed asleep. If they have to work inside the house, they get told he will be here soon, just phoned to say he's on the way home.

One tradesman working here asked to use the toilet 5 minutes after arriving. I was sitting at the computer and heard the vanity drawers being opened, then closed, then the vanity doors. When he came out I asked if he found what he was looking for? of course, he claimed he was looking for toilet paper....but....I said I had put a brand new roll there that morning and unless he used the whole LOT then there was plenty there for him. Needless to say he didn't get extra work that I hadn't yet asked him about.

Another time I walked into the bedroom to find a tradesman frantically looking through the wardrobe. He didn't have any reason to be in the bedroom. Fortunately I 'always' hide wallet and keys before they arrive after hearing some horror stories in the past.

Offering tea/coffee depends on the person and how they treat me...it's not a given.

1forAll74 · 07/03/2018 01:31

Its just a workmen thing, especially if there are more than one of them working, its just funny banter,its just how they liven up their days, and has always been as such.

loobywench · 07/03/2018 01:49

Pemba
No I didn't say anything I was too shocked. The toaster was out with the bread and butterHmm

stolemyusername · 07/03/2018 02:21

Ah feck off with all this 'wouldn't expect your employer to make a drink' crap, a tradesperson isn't your employee, they are selling a service so you are a consumer.

Yes I would always offer a drink before they start so they can drink while getting set up and then get stuck into whatever they're there to do.

halfwitpicker · 07/03/2018 02:22

I'd be pissed if the builders had helped themselves to toast!

lidoshuffle · 07/03/2018 06:42

I had a couple of workmen pop their heads over my back wall (they weren't even working on my property) who said, not jokingly, "I'll have a coffee, two sugars; his is a tea, one sugar". CFs!

OutsideContextProblem · 07/03/2018 07:04

Neither DH or I have ever had a chance to discover whether our builders/tradesmen are sexist CFs because we’ve always put the kettle on as we hear them walking up the path before the doorbell rings.

But they never “take a tea break”, they just slurp their tea in odd moments as they work like any normal person.

LanguidLobster · 07/03/2018 07:24

That's unusual actually, generally the first thing I do is offer someone a hot drink when they turn up and they refuse as they don't want to use the loo too much.

Our cleaner used to ask for caffeine free tea as she had a bladder infection but that was about it.

expatinscotland · 07/03/2018 07:49

'Ah feck off with all this 'wouldn't expect your employer to make a drink' crap, a tradesperson isn't your employee, they are selling a service so you are a consumer. '

I don't give a fuck if they're a trained monkey, if I'm paying them to do something for me, I'm not there to make drinks or meals or put up with cheek from them. Rude is rude, no matter what the semantics Hmm.

'Today dh made tea for a female plumber.
Is that ok?'

No one ever said it wasn't, but people being rude about it are unprofessional, if you want to put up with that, that's your lookout.

expatinscotland · 07/03/2018 07:54

'I'm sure you must have very good reasons for being so reluctant to share your beverages .'

What if you don't have any tea or coffee because you don't drink it? Several have said they don't have it, or milk, or a even a kettle.

FluffyWuffy100 · 07/03/2018 08:17

Its just a workmen thing, especially if there are more than one of them working, its just funny banter,its just how they liven up their days, and has always been as such

Ah I see! That’s ok then. Just like snorting cocaine and going to strip clubs is just a City thing? It’s always been such and so shouldn’t change with the times?

TheRebel · 07/03/2018 08:32

I’ve got a couple of family members who are trades people and they always take their own flask and lunch with them, even if they come to work on our house and we’re family! I think it must just be habit.

Strugglingtodomybest · 07/03/2018 08:36

I can't believe how stingy people are over tea! I offer as soon as they come in the door and have been known to make delivery drivers a cup too. I just feel that it's the small kindnesses that make life bareable.

What do they do if there are only men in the house or no one is in there

Ime, ask a man or put the kettle on themselves.

CavoliRiscaldati · 07/03/2018 09:07

It has amazed me how often they will ask where DH is or when he will return, usually after they've noticed the shoes/boots or shirt/jacket/etc.

Not once have I had a worker of any kind asking me questions about my DH!

YoThePussy · 07/03/2018 09:09

Just remembered, had one tap on the window and point at his mouth then mime drinking from a mug. He and his mates did not get any more work from me. The excuse that he had a hangover after St Patrick’s day and needed fluids did not cut it with me. Especially as they had all only just had tea made for them 30 minutes before.

throwcushions · 07/03/2018 09:12

I find all this a bit odd. I offer as soon as they walk in pretty much and make them tea and coffee all through the day. If they are staying for a few days I'll even bake them something. Means they do a good job in my experience! I also offer water and the toilet to the occasional person e.g. someone delivering furniture because I know most people don't and they are always incredibly grateful. Costs nought to be nice and all that.

HappydaysArehere · 07/03/2018 09:29

I always offer a drink when they first arrive but then I say if you want another give me a call. I think the builder’s cheek was just banter. The better the relationship you have with them the better if they are doing work for you.

Zoflorabore · 07/03/2018 09:32

Last year I had a mattress delivered from about 100 miles away.
It was a boiling hot day.

The driver was lovely and friendly and asked for a glass of water.

I offered him a choice of cold drinks. He had a Diet Coke and then I gave him a Freddo Grin
Still don't know what made me give him a bloody Freddo but he was very grateful and ate it straight away and then text to say thanks later on.

NancyDonahue · 07/03/2018 09:42

Yes he was rude! Db works in other people's houses and takes a flask and lunch box, he sees being offered drinks etc as a bonus but would never rely on them.

When we had builders in for a month I set up an area with kettle, tea bags, milk, biscuits etc in the shed and replenished each morning. I'm very introverted so it meant I could hide out in the lounge and not worry about having to make chit chat!

melj1213 · 07/03/2018 10:27

I think people are forgetting that this was happening on the first encounter with this tradesman who had literally just arrived and so it is wildly inappropriate and the OP has no obligation to just suck it up.

If it was a regular tradesman/someone the OP knew or they had been there a while and built up a rapport then I could accept it as being "trade banter" but that is not the case. They were people employed to do a job and they hadn't even got in the door before they were making demands rudely.

If they had asked politely or even just in a straightforward "Any chance you could stick the kettle on while we unload the van?" I'd be a tiny bit annoyed that they hadn't even got in before they were asking for a brew but would suck it up. But they didn't, they were patronising and rude straight from the off so I'd immediately shut down any goodwill offering.

Also they literally just arrived and hadn't even given the OP a chance to offer a drink before they were patronising about the lack of drink offer. Offering a drink is a perk, not a right and they should remember that.

If I have tradesmen working I will offer a drink/biscuits etc but I won't have them waiting the second the doorbell rings! I will let them in, show them the job and ask them any relevant questions (does anything else need moving out of the way? Do they need to know where the fusebox/stop cock is? Do they mind my cats or do they want me to shut them in another room? etc), let them get their tools/kit from the van and then I will offer a brew before retreating to another room so they can get on with the work. Sometimes I will be going out so I like to get all the admin out of the way as that is the priority and then if I have time I will make them a brew while they unload their stuff, if not then I will tell them I don't have time to brew up but will point out the drink making supplies/biscuits and let them know they are more than welcome to help themselves and I'll be back at X time.