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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My family all met up and I feel invisible AIBu

53 replies

lilypoppet · 05/03/2018 15:36

So on Sunday, a day I was working, my brother drove my father and stepmother to take my niece out to lunch as she has had a baby. My neice lives a few doors up and the pub was very close. All the pictures of every one went on Facebook and my brother didn't even ring me to do something like pop round for a cuppa with my dad when I got in from work. They just went home, no communication with me at all. This is the second time he has done something like this. I feel invisible. AIBU?

OP posts:
DobbyisFREE · 05/03/2018 16:15

Did they know you were working? If they did then I'd suggest they were just a bit thoughtless rather than actively excluding you. Might be worth a lighthearted comment saying pop in for a visit next time, you're always welcome, would be great to see you, etc.

If they didn't then that's really not very nice. Either way I think I'd be upset.

It's taken me quite some time to realise that other people just aren't as sensitive as I am and to try not to take accidental exclusions personally. It still stings a bit though.

IsDaveThere · 05/03/2018 16:51

I'm not sure what you were expecting if you were at work anyway. Would you have even been in at the time they dropped your niece off and went home?

Idontdowindows · 05/03/2018 16:54

But you were working?

Original poster
lilypoppet · 05/03/2018 17:49

I was only working until 4.30 so a quick phone call and they could have popped round with my dad for a cup of tea before heading off for home. I live about 100 yards from.the pub they were sat in Al afternoon and no-one thought to give me a call. Now all the photos are all over Facebook and Instagram. Well, I haven't 'liked'them. I merely pita cooment: 'you are really near to me'.

OP posts:
CakeOfThePan · 05/03/2018 18:04

Yeah your me, its shit isn't it Flowers
Ive given up now, it just hurt too much. I remember walking in on a birthday celebration id not been invited to with everyone there.

OakIsBetterTho · 05/03/2018 18:15

You were working, I couldn't get worked up about this. It was probably a long enough outing as it was 🤷🏻‍♀️

Idontdowindows · 05/03/2018 18:19

I was only working until 4.30 so a quick phone call and they could have popped round with my dad for a cup of tea before heading off for home.

Ow, that's shit :(

TabbyMumz · 05/03/2018 18:20

How do you know they had time to "pop in" and see you? I think it's quite rude for you to expect them to do that to be honest. They arranged to meet up, you couldn't go because you were working. End of. If you wanted to join in, you could have found out where they were going and gone there yourself, rather than expecting them to come to you. You sound a bit entitled.

GreenTulips · 05/03/2018 18:21

How far had your dad and SM travelled to see them?

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 05/03/2018 18:27

So your brother went out for a meal with his daughter, his dad and his step-mum. Is there any reason why you needed to be invited?

DalekDalekDalek · 05/03/2018 18:31

My family have done this when I've been working and occasionally when I've not. I don't care. I don't need to be involved in everything my family does. Sometimes I see my parents without DB. Sometimes DB, DSIL and DN see parents without me. Sometimes I see DB, DSIL and DN without parents. You're not being left out.

Original poster
lilypoppet · 05/03/2018 19:30

My brother doesn't have a daughter, or any children for that matter. Only a horrible, manipulative wife whom I dislike. The party consisted of my brother, his wife, my father and stepmother, my sister her daughter and partner and new baby. I live just yards away and wasn't consulted, invited or contacted. My only involvement is the six million photos posted on social media, which I have refused to acknowledge.y brother and father live about 15 miles away from me.

OP posts:
Blackteadrinker77 · 05/03/2018 19:35

That is inconsiderate, have you asked them why they didn't let you know they were meeting up?

gobbynorthernbird · 05/03/2018 19:38

Maybe they didn't invite you (or pop in) because you don't get on with your SIL.

ReanimatedSGB · 05/03/2018 19:41

You don't like your SIL, presumably she doesn't like you, either. You do sound a bit petulant and sulky, so maybe the dislike between you two is six of one and half a dozen of the other.

Also, your brother probably puts his wife before his sister, hence not inviting you as a) you were working and b) you don't get on with his wife.

SaucyJack · 05/03/2018 19:43

100% of people surveyed said that relatives making passive-aggressive comments on FB did not inspire them to spend more time with them.

What happens when you take the lead to try and organise a pleasant family meet-up?

Original poster
lilypoppet · 05/03/2018 19:47

I suspect SIL was thrilled I wasn't going and encouraged my exclusion. I'm will organise a get together and will be pleased to have the excuse not to invite her because she really is awful.

OP posts:
Blackteadrinker77 · 05/03/2018 20:17

@lilypoppet That's the wrong way to go in my opinion. Invite her and leave it up to her if she comes or not.

If she comes you just smile say hi then talk to your other family members. If you don't you are effectively isolating your self from any get togethers she is at.

DalekDalekDalek · 05/03/2018 20:37

If you dislike so much his wife then why did you want to go?

Maybe you've made these feelings obvious and they didn't invite you because of it.

Original poster
lilypoppet · 05/03/2018 20:47

The reason I was do upset is that I haven't seen my dad in months, not since Christmas and he hasn't seen my daughter's either and it would have been nice if they could have organised something I could have taken part in or st least popped over afterwards seeing as they were so close to where I live. They've done this before, coming to meet my sister for walks with the dogs. I don't have a dog so I guess that's why they didn't bother asking though I don't see why you have to own a dog to join someone on a dog walk.

OP posts:
Original poster
lilypoppet · 05/03/2018 20:49

Btw the dog walk took them right past a path that runs near where I live.

OP posts:
Crispbutty · 05/03/2018 20:55

But you and his wife detest each other so why on earth would they invite you? Confused

Original poster
lilypoppet · 05/03/2018 20:57

And then again the requisite six million photos in Facebook showing what a great time they had. Every one dislikes my SIL as she is bonkers but she does toady up to my dad.

OP posts:
gobbynorthernbird · 05/03/2018 21:06

So they hate SIL but hang out with her and not you?

Original poster
lilypoppet · 05/03/2018 21:09

Well yes they just put up with her bizarre comments because they don't want to upset my brother. She likes to be spiteful, especially to women she feels threatened by or is jealous of.

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