To wish autism didn’t exist

[Etherized]

How can you even start with it all?

I am finding it so hard and trying to be a parent to one who will never understand.

Have you got any local support groups. We have a couple that meet on a regular basis, means us parents don’t feel so alone.

Well... I like a lot of aspects of my autism.
I'm glad it exists.

You will get a lot of support here though if you talk about what you're struggling with.
Maybe not in AIBU so much, but special needs topic

YANBU OP.

OP

Well... I like a lot of aspects of my autism.
I'm glad it exists.
Ditto.

I promise that you won’t feel this way forever. The world is becoming much more accepting, which makes these things so much easier than they seem at first

YABU

I also like aspects of my autism.

My DH works in his 'special interest' and is therefore one of the most successful people in the world in his field. He loves his autism.

And my 4 year old autistic DS is just perfect.

I spend a lot of time wishing autism didn't exist, as it's definitely taking over my life with regards to DS.

But this morning (in the shower, weirdly) I was thinking of all the wonderful things about my son

• his individuality
• his sense of humour
• his refusal to conform to expected norms (he wants to wear a pink tutu to nursery, he will wear it, and screw what anyone else thinks)
• his affectionate nature
• his passion for colours, and all the songs that he sings about them

And I realised that I don't actually want it to go away. Because those are the things I love best about him, and they've been shaped by autism.

Of course he will still have tough times, and I think it will be harder as he gets older, but right now I love his autism, and him.

I have two children with autism, and the younger one hasnt been at school for 18 months.
He goes to asd resource centre 3 days a week for a few hours.
We are hoping the new asd specialist school will be open in sep.
Yes sometimes it seems that everything revolves around ASD.
But I can not change it, I have cried myself to sleep, the stress has nearly torn my family apart and I have had depression.
Unfortunately there is just not enough support for carers and people with ASD

Yanbu if I could rid myself of my asd I would.

What parts are you struggling with, do you have any outside help or suppprt and how old is your dd/ds?

You are completely reasonable to wish your child and family didn't have to go through difficult times.

I am autistic and I have a son who is autistic, and an allistic daughter.

I am married, own my own home, two lovely children, I have a degree, have travelled abroad, had a very good career and now I work part time for an NGO from home while bringing up my family.

What I don't have is a loving supporting family who were on my side and accepted me for who I am.

If you don't love and accept your child for who/what they are they may, like me, succeed in spite of you or they may go the way of a lot of people like me and end up dead before they reach their forties.

But they have a much better chance if you support them.

My advice to you is to research the Neurodiversity paradigm and movement. It's not a magic wand, it won't bring you all the support services that you need that don't exist, but it will help you accept your child and change your attitude.

I have achieved so much with no help and very little support. Nothing has been handed to me on a plate and I have had to fight for every little thing. But I am happy and successful and my little boy is happy and thriving and doing well in his school. I would not change a single thing about either of us, and I would not change my lovely helpful, empathetic allistic daughter either.

I wish you all the best, but please lose the anti autism attitude. It won't help you, your child or anyone else.

Should've said in earlier post, YANBU, it's overwhelming.

You can love and accept your child whoever they are.

But it’s a bit difficult to do that when they despise themselves.

Oh, and it doesn’t get better. Sorry.

YABU

YANBU to wish that your child didn't have autism.

But some people like being autistic so it is unfair and potentially insulting to them to say you wish it didn't exist. Especially if somebody has a tendency to take things more literally than others would.

In some respects i understand you, particulary with severe autism but i quite like my autistic daughters quirks even with her behaviour and lack of sleep but i guess she is middle of the spectrum so that's okay for me to say. Some days are real hard but i wouldn't change her, without autism she wouldn't be the same

Oh etherized that sounds so tough.
Do you want to say more?

YANBU, but I hope my 10 year old will survive adolescence and become a happy adult who no longer hates herself. She may even recognise herself as the unique and precious individual she is and I can say YABU.

@Etherized all we can do is help them accept themselves rather than saying you wish their brain doesn’t exist.
And it does get better, and easier. You need to surround yourself and whoever it is who has autism needs to surround theirselves with people who are positive role models

Try twitter, seriously. Connect with people going through the same thing that aren’t in the Mumsnet bitch bubble. It will help you focus on the good things, and there are a lot

Without autism my daughter wouldn't be who she is now. But we wouldn't know any different and we wouldn't be dealing with all the shit we are currently going through.

My poor child, indeed.

Without autism we almost certainly wouldn't have this modern technology but it can be rubbish to live with at times.

OP please hide this thread and look elsewhere for support. I learned long ago that MN is not the place for SN support, sadly.

Etherized you sound so sad and ground down by your situation. Is there anyone helping you?