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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wish autism didn’t exist

92 replies

Etherized · 05/03/2018 13:33

How can you even start with it all?

I am finding it so hard and trying to be a parent to one who will never understand.

OP posts:

Shedmicehugh · 05/03/2018 17:48

Paddington and didi I don’t have a problem with it either! I was just asking the OP to clarify. A rant, a cry, some empathy, some advice, whatever is fine! Just wasn’t quite sure as the OP isn’t actually saying much

HangtheblessedDJ · 05/03/2018 18:02

Maybe she doesn't feel able to say much.

Shedmicehugh · 05/03/2018 18:07

Again that’s fine, just makes it easier for others to know what to offer

wrenika · 05/03/2018 18:33

I hate these threads. I love my autism. Without it, I wouldn't be me. I loathe the opinion that people without autism think they get an opinion, regardless of whether you parent a child with autism or not.

Autism isn't something you can wish away from a person and still expect them to be the same. You might as well with the person didn't actually exist. It's a horrible attitude.

Afeltin · 05/03/2018 18:36

I think carers should be allowed to vent, I don’t believe my autism “makes me” it just severely hinders me, that’s my opinion others may have different ones.
Wishing their child didn’t have something that’s severely restricting their quality of life or an person with autism like me expressing the same thing doesn’t mean they want to wipe out all autistic people or that they don’t want them all to exist

BlackeyedSusan · 05/03/2018 18:38

not everyone experiences autism in the same way. some people like it, some hate it. ds hates it. I am not keen on the difficulties he has as it upsets him so much. watching your child go through pain is horrible.

not sure why you say you can not understand him, surely you observe, listen and work it out just like everyone else does with their children when they are small. and does anyone understand another fully anyway?

fuckoffsnow · 05/03/2018 18:55

That's a difference of opinion then wrenika. My autism isn't my personality, but it certainly makes the person that I am miserable quite a lot of the time. Without it I'd still have the same interests, but I should think I'd be considerably happier and would find life a shitload easier to deal with.

And if I didn't exist, well so fucking what. We're all born, we all die. I sometimes think that human consciousness is one of natures cruellest jokes.

x2boys · 05/03/2018 19:02

I don't have autism wrenika I'm just the parent of a severly autistic child and whilst its great you love YOUR autism , YOUR autism is a very different version to my son's and you dont speak for everyone on the spectrum

Aeroflotgirl · 05/03/2018 19:07

I agree op, I feel sad that my dd will not experience the same things as her peers, and has had to leave mainstream, to go to special school, as she could not cope. The older she gets, the differences are apparent? The uncertaintly of life, will she be independent, will she get a job, will I have to care for her for the rest of her life. With some Autism, people need 24 hour care, and are unable to look after themselves, and function well below their chronological age. For them and their parents and carers, Autism is a totally different experience for the, one that is less positive than some of you.

soapboxqueen · 05/03/2018 19:07

Afeltin I agree that carers should have space to vent, though not sure AIBU is the place for it.
...
However, I firmly believe that you cannot separate a person from their autism. Therefore to wish away one is to wish away both. That obviously is not everyone's view but is prevalent in majority actually autistic groups which I prefer to go to for support as a carer.

dayandnightshapes · 05/03/2018 19:08

Autism is hard! Sorry to hear you're feeling so resigned from it all.
I do hope it gets better for you.
Have you got support from OH?
I found SN to be very isolating.

Tobythecat · 05/03/2018 20:07

It's shit. Really really shit. I''d give anything to experience a life without autism. I would go for a walk, without having sensory overload. I would go to the supermarket and have a good browse. I would have a job and be learning to drive. I would have a boyfriend and get married and have children.

It hurts to know that I will never experience those things, every thing is a huge effort and I love to sleep because I don't have to feel anything.

Heck, even the government wants me to die. They have taken away my DLA and denied my PIP, and it is so so depressing going through everything with a fine tooth comb to try and explain in great detail how shit autism is and how it affects me. I have never had a job and i'm 27.

Autism is a very cruel disability and I wish they would hurry the fuck up and find a cure for those who want it.

EleanorXx · 05/03/2018 20:41

Autism isn't something you can wish away from a person and still expect them to be the same. You might as well with the person didn't actually exist. It's a horrible attitude.
i kind of agree, so much of my autism is linked with my personality that i can't picture myself with out it. I think my life would be worse with out it. But equally, i imagine being the parent of a severely autistic child would make it hard to benefits of it when the negatives are so strong.

elliejjtiny · 05/03/2018 20:57

I'm so sorry you are struggling. I have a son who has aspergers syndrome and another who is being assessed for autism and who is clearly going to struggle a lot more than his brother. I also have dyspraxia so although I've not got autism I understand what some of it is like. It's hard, really hard. I love both my boys but I wish there was a cure for autism for the people who want it.

BishopBrennansArse · 05/03/2018 21:02

I hate the way people dismiss autistics who can express themselves in writing.
I'm one autistic person, yes. But I still have an autistic view of things. I wouldn't be able to express how I feel face to face and I know some completely non verbal people who can write about how they feel and not be able to verbalise it.

Being a parent of autistic children isn't easy, I know that, I'm doing it. But I also know what it's like living as an autistic person and no I wouldn't change it for me or my kids. I accept some parents do want that particularly if the child is unhappy.

But I do hate blanket statements about hating autism and wanting to eradicate it. Because I'm proud of being autistic.

SoftlyCatchyMonkey1 · 05/03/2018 21:06

You are simultaneously BU and NBU

RainbowGlitterFairy · 05/03/2018 21:26

I work with autistic children and I often find myself wishing it didn't exist for their sake, I know lots of happy, successful adults with autism and I really hope the children I work with will find things easier as they grow up but right now it's shit for them. I've cried after work because its not fair, I can't imagine how much harder it is when it's your own child x

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