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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Why are mothers such bitches?

63 replies

GinUser · 04/03/2018 22:20

Mine has told me over the years:
She was very annoyed to be pregnant with me
I shouldn't have children
She was surprised I was having a wedding
I am a manipulative cow

OP posts:

Rewn7 · 04/03/2018 22:25

They’re not.

Mine was amazing. After she died I was lucky enough to gain an amazing step mum too.

I’m sorry that you’re experience was bad but YABU if you think all mothers are bitches. They’re not.

RickOShay · 04/03/2018 22:25

Are you ok?
You don’t deserve to hear that. I am sorry you didn’t get the mother you deserve.

Wakeuptortoise · 04/03/2018 22:26

HuckfromScandal · 04/03/2018 22:26

My mother is truly wonderful
I would be a much less well rounded human without her help and guidance
I am sorry your mother is a shit

Idontdowindows · 04/03/2018 22:27

I'm sorry your mother was not a good mother, but just because yours wasn't a good mother, doesn't mean that all mothers are bitches.

One woman is not the template for all other women.

My mother is brilliant and I wish everyone a mother like she is.

TheC · 04/03/2018 22:28

My mum is my best friend. Yabu.

Lilonetwo · 04/03/2018 22:30

Your mum doesn't sound very nice

My mum called me a stone once because she never saw me cry when I had a miscarriage from an unplanned pregnancy (I cried in private, I didn't want people to see me upset)

greenbeansqueen · 04/03/2018 22:32

My mum is AMAZiNG, in almost every way. Just is. An all round fab human being. Lots of people are. Some, less so. The labels don’t help. And don’t call women ‘bitches’ or ‘bitch’, it’s crappy and makes it hard for people to see beyond the word. As in no one will take you seriously,
Stop swearing and use real words.

DalekDalekDalek · 04/03/2018 22:32

Sounds like you would be better off without her in your life.

Don't judge all mums by yours though, mine is amazing.

edwinbear · 04/03/2018 22:33

I'm NC with mine for similar reasons. Life is much happier.

MereDintofPandiculation · 04/03/2018 22:33

A mother can be brilliant and still sometimes say hurtful things. My mother over the years has come out with some real gems. She's also been a good mother to me and given me a lot of skills, experiences and attitudes that have helped me have a good life.

Deshasafraisy · 04/03/2018 22:34

My mother can be mean to me too. I’ve realised that the problem isn’t me, it is her, she had choices and she made bad ones. None of it is my fault and I won’t let her blame me. Enjoy your life, she’s had her chance to enjoy hers and she blew it. Not your problem.

AskingForAnEnemy · 04/03/2018 22:37

Mine falls out with me on a regular basis for petty shit and has told me she wished she'd never had kids, has told me im "not too old to get a hiding" from her, in fact she's said all sorts of horrible shit to me over the years and I've put up with it because I'm soft and felt sorry for her, til now. Frankly she can fuck right off.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 04/03/2018 22:39

That sounds like really abusive parenting, specifically, your mother projecting the negatives about her personality onto you. It’s your mother who shouldn’t have had children and is manipulative. It’s very hard facing up to the fact that you’re never going to have a decent mother and it’s a grieving process. But you need to get beyond the point of feeling that you need her approval or love. Grieve for the mother you never had and accept she’s never going to be that mother to set yourself free from constantly waiting for something she’s never going to give you.

TheC, that’s lovely. Is your stunning lack of tact or empathy a mutual trait or your own special gift?

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 04/03/2018 22:40

Mine is wonderful. God knows she has her flaws, but she is kind, endlessly supportive, loves me unconditionally, makes me laugh and is always there for me.

I'm sorry you don't have that from your Mum.

stampyourfeetandclapyourhands · 04/03/2018 22:45

Mine is a horror.

Threw me under a bus to save the person who abused me.

I'm a bloody brilliant mother, though.

Imsorrynow · 04/03/2018 22:49

I miss my mum. She died nearly ten years ago and I think about her every day.

Loonoon · 04/03/2018 22:49

My mum is very like yours OP. I think we are the unlucky ones and happily for other people we are a minority. I can feel quite isolated as my mum is very nice to people outside our immediate family circle so friends and some relations think she is lovely.

I try very hard to be a better mum to my own DC. I would be gutted if they felt the same way about me as I do about my mum.

londonrach · 04/03/2018 22:49

What elton says. Sets you free. I love my mum and she doesnt mean what she says but she still says it. Goes over me now but it wasnt till i had dd i was able to do that. (You too old for dd, you always wasting money on holidays rather thasn buying a house (in london where 300k get you nothing not even a flat) and not having dc etc ---we struggled to have dd) Im lucky got a fab mil and now dm comments wash over me....mostly.

BackforGood · 04/03/2018 22:50

They aren't.

Why do a small but persistent minority of posters make these ridiculous statements when they are talking about one person ?

TheMaddHugger · 04/03/2018 22:50

((((((((Hugs)))))))))) this is not normal 😳😡

Cloudylemons · 04/03/2018 22:50

Mine is absolutely awful and I’m happy to have almost no contact. I think it’s made me determined to be completely different as a mother, my children think I’m the best in the world. Sorry yours is dreadful too and in response to a pp criticising you, I think you can call your mother whatever you like.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 04/03/2018 22:54

I am sorry if you’ve been hurt or disappointed by your mum op
Fortunately, that is not the norm,and you’ll read some folk love their mums too
And some folk unfortunately don’t have their mum around

I hope you find peace op, and prioritise what’s important to you.

pandarific · 04/03/2018 22:56

Well some mothers are annoyed you - GASP - appear to be a person independent of them with your own thoughts about things and not a perfect little clone of them.

surprisingly common, that.

thecatfromjapan · 04/03/2018 22:56

I think some women just find being a mother overwhelming. I'm sure it's harder if you've been badly parented yourself.

It's very sad you didn't have the experience of being mothered that every child deserves. Elton is right - it is something you need to give yourself time to deal with, and it is a kind of grieving.

So - how are you dealing with it now? Do you have a good support network? Is your relationship with your partner good?

And do you have children/do you want children? Becoming a mother yourself can bring up all sorts of stuff about out own parenting, and can make us afraid we will repeat the bad. But these are surmountable problems, especially if you are aware it may happen.

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