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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that just about everyone knows that one couple...

105 replies

HoneyDragon · 04/03/2018 18:34

The one where one party isn’t abusive/ cruel/evil, but is just your bog standard simply dreadful. Yet their significant other is a total poppet and somewhat unassuming and nice.

You know the ones? Where you find yourself at events where they are and spend your time considering rehoming and rehabilitating the nice one and then relocating them 3000 miles away and releasing them back into the wild to start a new life with a suitable mate?

OP posts:
chickenowner · 04/03/2018 18:36

Yep.

Lovely friend has met new boyfriend (well over a year now!) who is completely socially unaware.

For example, said to a mutual friend that she did something a certain way 'because you're working class'.

Plus thinks he's the cleverest person ever and has to make sure that we all know that.

Can't stand him!

Lemonyknickers · 04/03/2018 18:47

No, now I'm panicking that I'm the nasty one and people want to save DH

Rosamund1 · 04/03/2018 18:50

You never know what goes on behind closed doors. A ‘poppet’ could be awful when they are alone.

Madonnasmum · 04/03/2018 18:52

Oh god, me too Lemonyknickers, as I'm self aware enough to know id never be described as a 'total poppet'.......

KC225 · 04/03/2018 18:54

Yes

yawning801 · 04/03/2018 18:58

Oh yes. My mum's friend is a lovely person but her husband is a knobhead. Totally condescending, lazy and constantly makes digs from past days out. I know she's told him off before but he doesn't seem to learn. Last time I saw him, at the first dig I pretty much talked right over him and I'm hoping he got the message.

hibbledibble · 04/03/2018 18:58

Hmm, I'm not sure, as there isn't a different between 'simply dreadful' and abusive to me. If they are that dreadful they are probably abusive. I know a few women who have partners like this

DramaAlpaca · 04/03/2018 19:09

I have a very sweet, kind friend who is married to a complete arse. He's not evil or abusive but he's bossy & controlling. She adores him so much she can't see it. You never know what's going on in a relationship of course & she doesn't seem unhappy, but I don't like the way she does as she's told all the time & I feel sorry for her.

Original poster
HoneyDragon · 04/03/2018 19:13

I do mean just dreadful as in everyone else is looking at each other as if to reassure themselves they really did just hear what they said, type?

Lemony I think self awareness is the key not NOT being that type of partner Wink

OP posts:
hidinginthenightgarden · 04/03/2018 19:22

Yep I knew a similar couple. I wouldn't say she was an awful person, just quite dominant and loud. Didn't treat him that well.
When she finally dumped him we set him up with a lovely lady who is so much like him. They now have a baby and are engaged.

honeyroar · 04/03/2018 19:24

I wish that I only knew one! I can think of three, possibly four. One particularly close friend's husband is a nightmare. He really needs burying under the patio. He's been controlling and pretty much abusive for over 30 years. 15 years ago I asked her how she put up with him and she said, believe me, I take my marriage vows very seriously or I may not be". She is very religious.

Frouby · 04/03/2018 19:31

A school gate mum who became a close friend when dds were small.

She was/is lovely. Her dh is slimy, pervy and made me want a dettol bath every time I spoke to him. I wasn't the only one. Everyone that ever met them said 'Oh Sue is so so lovely. But erm, Simon, erm yeah. He is quite an, erm, character'.

He made me that uncomfortable that ehen the girls went to senior school I phased out contact with them and was glad when dd drifted apart from the dd.

I suspect one day I will read about him in the press on some sort of sexual harrassment charge.

LemonSqueezy0 · 04/03/2018 19:33

I always worry I'm the dreadful one as everyone always comments how lovely my DP is, and he truly is... I'm more of an acquired taste I guess... Wink

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 04/03/2018 19:35

I know someone who I thought was alright, but gradually learned that she was a bit two-faced, a bit disingenuous and so on. I then got to know her husband, who is such a massive twat; awful manners, rude and sometimes just plain nasty, that she seems alright again now, by virtue of the fact that she's married to someone who is significantly more vile.

Not quite the same, but I feel better for writing it as he pissed me off again today Grin

shaggedthruahedgebackwards · 04/03/2018 19:35

Mmmmmm, yes unfortunately it's my SIL (DH's sister) who is married to a complete tool

I really can't stand the man

SIL is absolutely lovely

MyBrilliantDisguise · 04/03/2018 19:37

I see it sometimes on TV shows. I was watching Four in a Bed the other day and one of the men was so horrible - really cold and unforgiving. You could tell his character from his expressions.

UpstartCrow · 04/03/2018 19:39

I used to know 2 couples like that and they had an affair then got together to make one, jaw droppinly awful couple with a screwed up child.

prideofaberdeen · 04/03/2018 19:41

One of my best friends is married do one of these, sadly. I don't see him often, but when I do I think "he can't be as bad as I remember, can he?", but he always is. A Totally self absorbed, materialistic, show-off, who has zero interest in other people. I honestly don't know anyone else quite like him. She knows he's a bit of a twat, and I pretty sure one day she'll leave him, but she accepts him, warts and all 🙁

Trilllllian · 04/03/2018 19:45

I once stayed in a job with a very bullying and nasty boss (it was his company) for far too long because I thought he could possibly be as much of a wanker as I thought as his girlfriend was really lovely. Turns out he was just as much of a dick as I thought...

ApocalypseNowt · 04/03/2018 19:47

I used to know a couple like that. Felt really bad for the DH. As time went on I realised he was an epic twat too. So now I try my best not see them as they're busy being awful together.

GabsAlot · 04/03/2018 19:55

drama thnat sound slike abuse to me controlling someone and do9ing as shes told

i know someone like this cant see it at all quite sad u cant say anything or she gets defensive

juneau · 04/03/2018 19:57

Yes! She's lovely (but actually TOO nice, which makes her a pushover), and he's a total arse!

Sgtmajormummy · 04/03/2018 19:59

When I was in the maternity ward (4 to a room) with DC1, a couple came in with the woman in the early stages of labour. Her husband was on his phone constantly, acting like a yuppie loudmouth. He ate her snacks, rummaging through her case, complained the chair was uncomfortable and did NOTHING to support her.
Thankfully her parents arrived and took over, basically ignoring him. When they left for the labour room the 3 of us looked at each other and all said a variation on: “He’s got a lot of growing up to do in the next day or so...”
Never saw the man again but she was a sweety. Nervous and overwhelmed about becoming a mother. I often wonder how things worked out for them...

JayZed · 04/03/2018 20:01

oh lord yes! Friend is kind, funny and genuinely a lovely person! Her 'D'P thinks the actual sun shines out of his bellend and lets you know it! if you've done something he done it a year ago and much much better.

ChameleonsInCarsGettingCoffee · 04/03/2018 20:03

My friend's parents were like that. The dad was lovely and the mum was nasty, always sniping at her husband and nothing made her happy.

My friend found out 20 years later that her dad had had a long term affair, and her mum never really got over it and was desperately unhappy. It taught me a lot about appearances v reality.

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