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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that just about everyone knows that one couple...

105 replies

HoneyDragon · 04/03/2018 18:34

The one where one party isn’t abusive/ cruel/evil, but is just your bog standard simply dreadful. Yet their significant other is a total poppet and somewhat unassuming and nice.

You know the ones? Where you find yourself at events where they are and spend your time considering rehoming and rehabilitating the nice one and then relocating them 3000 miles away and releasing them back into the wild to start a new life with a suitable mate?

OP posts:
Tiredoftalking · 05/03/2018 18:21

We know 2 couples that I want to rearrange into 1 amazing couple and 1 that we could cut out our lives, wouldn’t life be great if we could rearrange our friends like that? Smile

mollied · 05/03/2018 18:24

My best friend for years got a new girlfriend and she has turned him into THE MOST BORING PERSON EVER she is a one word answer kinda gal so I now just don't talk to her but I want to kidnap my friend so he remembers how much fun he used to be

Smudge100 · 05/03/2018 18:25

It can work both ways. Everyone thought my ex-husband was wonderful, charming, delightful etc and so did i until i married him and discovered The Awful Truth. Worse still, we worked at the same place, so i was always being told by mutual colleagues how lucky i was to have him, the implication always being, of course, that he could have done so much better for himself. That old adage, you never know what goes on behind closed doors, is very true. My older cousin told me recently that her parents were in the habit of having monumental rows, during which all normal routines, uncluding meals, were suspended. We were frequent visitors when i was growing up and no-one would ever have suspected.

Ravenesque · 05/03/2018 18:35

I was in one of those relationships with my ex. All my friends hated him, but I refused to see what an absolute fucking nob he was. I was pretty vulnerable at the time and the fact that he "loved" me - he was ridiculously good looking - seemed to be a miracle to me. Socially not even awkward but awful, thick as two short planks, condescending to me at nearly all times, when we moved in together, he would go out for a loaf of bread or something and then not come back for five days. One of the things that stays with me, and it was such a tiny thing, was that if I was reading a book - I love to read - he would say "why are you always reading, why don't you just do something else." Er, I was doing something, I was reading a book and I wasn't always reading. He leeched off me as well.

One of the reasons I stayed was because sex. The other was because he wore me down so much that I felt grateful that someone wanted to be with me. I can't even remember exactly how we split up in the end, but I moved in with friends, go therapy and life got so much better. About a year later we bumped into each other and I had one last night with him, which was actually rather lovely, mostly because I had control of who I was again and recognising it, he was trying hard to not be who he really was. He then asked me to marry him and I laughed, not nastily, but it just seemed like the most ridiculous thing that either of us could do.

Finally met him about five years later when he apologised for how he'd been with me and I said "Thank you, but I don't need your apology. You couldn't have done what you'd done to me if I hadn't let it happen. I'll never let anything like you happen to me again."

Last year he contacted me on Facebook and when he found out I was single he told me I should think about getting married soon before "my pussy dried up". So, still the charmer. Yes, I blocked him.

piratequeenio · 05/03/2018 18:36

Yup.

Wife is a narcissistic, nasty, controlling. attention seeking cunt.

Him - adorable.

Oh, and my Dp and his horrific ex wife!

NataliaOsipova · 05/03/2018 18:50

One of my best friends is married do one of these, sadly. I don't see him often, but when I do I think "he can't be as bad as I remember, can he?", but he always is. A Totally self absorbed, materialistic, show-off, who has zero interest in other people. I honestly don't know anyone else quite like him.

I think we have the same friend prideofaberdeen!!

I was complaining about my friend's (then) BF (sadly now they're married) to another friend. He denies this now, but he basically told me that said awful chap probably just didn't like me and/or Mr Osipova. Fair enough. I had to laugh when the another friend actually met the awful BF and then spent at least an hour afterwards bombarding me with texts complaining about him and telling me how awful he thought he was.....!

Mrskeats · 05/03/2018 18:54

2 of my friends have recently divorced their not great husbands (one was awful and abusive come to think of it)
My oldest friend has a very sexist, awful (imo) husband who she intermittently says she's leaving.
It's a mystery to me how great women end up with these knobheads.

Sophisticatedsarcasm · 05/03/2018 19:11

Yep know the sort! I always wonder how the fuck they ended up together.

Purplealienpuke · 05/03/2018 19:33

Sadly my dd is with a twat like that. I'd love dearly to scoop her up & relocate her 1000s of miles away... but that wouldn't be the end. I believe it's about how people view themselves. If they don't think they're worth any more then they settle for crap. I have tried and tried to get her to believe in herself to no avail 😢

HoneyDragon · 05/03/2018 19:35

turquoise I do that. Although in the case of one couple even their step kids and kids openly wonder how their dad/step dad has put up with their Mum for thirty years Shock

OP posts:
Sniv · 05/03/2018 19:43

Yes, back at university, two acquaintances got together. I almost wanted to warn Nice One about some of the things Dull and Unpleasant One had done, but thought to myself 'nah, it won't last anyway; they're just so not right for each other.' Well, I was wrong. They're still together ten years later and, as far as I can tell, happy.

MadRainbow · 05/03/2018 19:52

DH's best friend... he's just a complete cockwomble tbh and I feel sorry for his missus who is a bit of a dipshit who ends up with the shit end of many sticks...

ScreamingLevitation · 05/03/2018 19:55

I have a highly capable friend whose husband is worse than useless. She 'jokes' about having 3 children, not 2. He's completely un-self-aware, posts on facebook about what a great dad he is, when we all know that he has NEVER singlehandedly cared for either of his children for more than 4 hours. The eldest is 6.

I also know a very kind man married to the most overtly and horribly, deliberately rude (to me, anyway) woman I have ever met. They've been together about 10 years and he seems really happy. I've observed them closely together and it looks like she just does it to other people when he's not looking, and he is spectacularly unobservant. It is very odd.

Oh, and one other couple where the woman is horribly rude to her husband. I find it excruciating being around them. I suspect that in private things are a lot more evenhanded between them. But then recently at a wedding I went to the bar and came back with a drink for my DH as well as myself, and the poor bloke looked astonished that any woman would do such a thing :( He seems really lovely as well.

TheNoseyProject · 05/03/2018 20:10

Oh yes. He refers to as all times as My Wife. (I assume that he can’t believe that she married him in the same way we can’t believe that she married him).

He’s been sacked or asked to leave from every job he has had because people are intimidated by him Hmm

He’s never wiped his own child’s bum and if she isn’t around he will take child to the neighbour if she needs the loo???

MrsKoala · 05/03/2018 20:14

Both me and DH think the other is the socially unaware dick. In the land of the blind the one eyed man is king i suppose. Grin

StupideSaucisse · 05/03/2018 20:14

My in-laws

MIL - been through a lot in life but puts everyone else first. Caring, affectionate, will do anything for anyone. Intelligent. Works full time, carer for her elderly and sick parents, does all the cooking & house chores, decorating and gardening. Never forgets anyone's birthday and always makes a big fuss of them. Sensitive, non-judgmental, supportive and encouraging.

FIL - lazy, sexist, racist pig who does sod all for himself let alone anyone else. Has become obese and diabetic as a result of his greedy eating and laziness. He's an embarrassment at parties and events with his crude language and general gobshitedness. One evening I caught him talking to DH giving him his worldly wisdom - apparently DH should keep me on a tight leash and rein me in sometimes, as women these days have ideas of grandeur. He's selfish, couldn't give a toss about anyone, tight-arsed and grumpy. Judges everyone. Thick, but thinks he knows it all and will argue to the death.

I cannot fathom how these two ended up together. MIL just doesn't seem to notice though, thinks the sun shines out of the dickheads arse.

MrsKoala · 05/03/2018 20:23

We went on holiday recently and there was a guy there who after the 2nd day we just started referring to as Penis as he was so obnoxious. His wife was very jolly and bouncy and he was a sour faced cunt who seemed to hate his own wife and children. She kept laughing at his 'hilarious' comments/behaviour as if he was being very clever and tongue in cheek. It made me think she has thought he has a really dry sarcastic sense of humour all this time, while in fact he's just a jeb end.

HecatesBroom · 05/03/2018 20:40

When I first met my in-laws i thought ma-in-law was a witch and pa-in- law was harmless and put upon. Now I know them ( a lot) better I can tell you that her heart is in the right place (although I would never go so far as to describe her as "lovely") but he is a stubborn, irritating pain in the butt and I understand completely why she treats him as she does - I'd have put him under the patio years ago if I'd been married to him..... so initial appearances can be deceptive;

QuiteUnfitBit · 05/03/2018 20:50

This reminds me of years ago, when we were on holiday. Every mealtime, we sat opposite a couple. The man was lovely, and really chatty, telling us about his day. His wife was quite sulky, didn't really talk to us, and rolled her eyes whenever her husband spoke.

After a couple of days, we discovered she wasn't his wife at all, but his teenage daughter! She looked so much older though, and he looked young for his age. At the last minute, his wife wasn't able to make it, and had persuaded him to take their eldest child so as not to waste the holiday!

CosyLulu · 06/03/2018 04:59

My poor brother has an awful partner. They are a gay couple and been together 25 years. This guy is absolute hell to be around - obsessed with cleaning, talks about himself non-stop, treats my brother like a doormat. He has tantrums over the smallest thing and is a complete control-freak. My mum and I used to try so hard to get my brother out of the relationship but he seems to feel he can’t leave as his partner doesn’t work and is totally deoendent on him. My brother is just lovely, so funny and sweet and whenever I think about his partmer it makes me feel really depressed that so much of his lufe has been ruined by that idiot.

Skittlesandbeer · 06/03/2018 05:43

Oh yes. Let’s call her Babs and him Scott. She is a warm, hilarious, intellectual bundle of fun. He was a drug-addled, paranoid, sleazy man-child who perpetually dressed in Matrix-inspired garb that he seldom washed. Eeeerrgghh.

It was hard enough when she was dating him, and I had to smile and nod at all his so-called wonderful traits. Including his endless ‘impressive’ tales of underworld violence, drug culture and being expected to watch him practice martial arts (badly) all bloody afternoon. Let’s not forget when Babs started bringing him to ‘girls nights’ because he was so special and sensitive we surely didn’t mind? Grrrrrrr.

Then she asks me to be bridesmaid at their wedding. I just couldn’t do it. I knew I’d spend the day mourning our friendship, cos I couldn’t bear him for 5 consecutive minutes by then.

I let distance grow (not hard, he was pretty controlling). I heard on the grapevine that they tried many rounds of fertility treatment with no success (which he squarely blamed on her). After 6 years he had an affair with a workmate, who moonlighted as a dominatrix (yes seriously). Babs was devastated, and the day he moved out she went in tears to a mutual friend’s house for commiserations. Met friend’s neighbour in the kitchen. Immediate connection with this lovely man- a funny, genuine architect like her. Who wore stylish, laundered, clothes.

Moved in with him 3 weeks later, pregnant by him later that month, happily ever after.

Thought you guys could use a Happy Ending story!

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/03/2018 06:43

About 10 years ago I had a really good friend married to a man, who was nice on the surface and I did like him. But he could be a real dick. Financially abusive at times, hid money, couldn’t stay in a job more than 2 years. And he had an affair. We worked out how much he’d have to pay her in a divorce. Spent lots of time together. I tried to stay in touch when we moved away. But it didn’t happen.

My brother and his wife are both awful. He had a lovely girlfriend for a couple of years. He was an immature twat with her and didn’t treat her very well. Luckily for her she escaped. I do wonder if she would have had a better influence over her had she stayed or whether he’d have gone on to abuse her as he does me.

My stepdad. My mother has an abusive streak and she’d say something hurtful to/about him and you could visibly see his face and shoulders slump in resignation. I once tried to call her out when I saw it happening and he came immediately to her defence.

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/03/2018 06:47

Chameleons
Your friends mother still didn’t have the right to treat her father abominably for years. Having an affair shouldn’t be a life sentence. An adult has to deal with their feelings and move on. During this time they absolutely can be angry and hurt. But they can’t move on, they have to separate, not become their partners lifelong abuser.

Cookie37 · 06/03/2018 07:51

Reminds me of Pauline in the series ‘Mum’ ! Truly dreadful character but great actress !

Cookie37 · 06/03/2018 07:53

Great story @skittlesandbeer !