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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Will I ever come first?

74 replies

forveveroverlooked · 04/03/2018 14:18

so it's mother's day but me and husband don't do mother fathers or Valentine's day as I don't see the point as long as we do things for each other now and again that show we care.
usually however for mothers and fathers day we will get the children to write a little card or make a little something which they love doing.
This morning however I realised my DH had forgotten but never mind the kids are young so I wasn't initially bothered.
So three days ago his parents and brothers came back after being away for 5 months and we bought an expensive welcome back cake for them as well as making them a massive dinner.
This morning after walking through Tesco and countless aisles of Easter eggs(including my favourite which I've been hinting at for weeks) and mothers days stuff he decides that we should get his family a couple boxes of chocolates and flowers when we pop round later and got quite flustered trying to pick what he thought they'd like.
AIBU to be annoyed that instead of thinking he should maybe get me a box of chocs for working on the meal yesterday or my fave easter egg that he's thinking about what else to get his parents?
So as not to drip feed, his parents are not particularly close to us, they prefer his brothers and their families it is blindingly obvious and we get overlooked all the time.
I was annoyed at him and made it clear and when we went to his parents just now, all they had brought their grandchildren was one broken wind up toy, and the thing my husband had asked them to bring back for him (which he gave them money for) they 'forgot'.
This stuff happens all the time and yet i still plaster a smile on my face and never say a word.
why does my husband bend over backwards for them when they quite obviouly couldn't give a shit.
I know I said I don't care about mother's day but why do I never factor into his thoughts
if I'm being a bitch tell me so

OP posts:
SilverHairedCat · 04/03/2018 14:19

Mothers day in the UK is next Sunday.

Merryoldgoat · 04/03/2018 14:20

It’s not mothers’ day today though...

SnugglySnerd · 04/03/2018 14:21

Mothers Day isn't until next week.

GeekyWombat · 04/03/2018 14:21

Are you in the UK? If so you’re a week early.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 04/03/2018 14:21

You know it's next Sunday right?

BackforGood · 04/03/2018 14:22

YABU

  1. Because it isn't Mothers day.
  2. Because when you are going to see someone, it is customary to take a little gift (eg the chocs), but it isn't customary in most people's relationships to get their partners chocoaltes when they happen to be in the supermarket together.
  3. If you have made an effort to make a nice dinner for guests again the tradition is that the guests bring a small token of thanks (wine, chocs, flowers or plant), not the co-host.
Trinity66 · 04/03/2018 14:22

yeah next week is Mothers Day haha

Castieldeansam · 04/03/2018 14:25

Mothers Day is next Sun. If your not bothered by the day itself, why are you in a huff? Yes,you have done stuff for his family, but that's part of marriage. Maybe you should celebrate it, as you seem to be peeved that you are overlooked. If you are feeling overlooked, talk to him, he's probably not a mind reader.

Original poster
forveveroverlooked · 04/03/2018 14:29

ok so I am being unreasonable about mother's day Grin I thought it was today, as I said I don't celebrate it really so I don't know.
Am I still bring unreasonable about being last in his thoughts?
for what it's worth he actually thought it was today too so we're both as dumb as each other on that front

OP posts:
Springtrolls · 04/03/2018 14:29

It's not Mothers day.
It's not Easter yet.
So, don't understand why you are in a mood because he has forgotten about Mothers day, and he hasn't as yet bought you an egg you have been eying up. Although don't know why you don't just buy the egg yourself.

confusedlittleone · 04/03/2018 14:30

Your shitty at him for forgetting that you wanted to celebrate Mother's Day a week early but I'm also guessing you didn't tell him this? Also Easter isn't for a few weeks either so surely the fact he hasn't brought you one yet doesn't matter?

Original poster
forveveroverlooked · 04/03/2018 14:32

I'm annoyed because he bends over backwards for them and like I said we got them a special cake already and I cooked enough for like 20 people when they got back so that they'd had enough food for the next day too.
This is even though they often state to my husband that they wish he'd married someone better and how they don't particularly like me.
They treat my children second best compared to other grandchildren and I still see them every single weekend (the last 5 months have been heaven)

OP posts:
Original poster
forveveroverlooked · 04/03/2018 14:36

I don't think I'm getting my point across very well.
I can see I look like selfish granny cow.
what I meant is that how come when they treat him like shit he's still wanting to please them and at times embarrassingly so, and for his wife he has never gotten anything just because he wanted to, it's only once a year on my birthday whereas if I see something I think he likes I'll pick it up for him

OP posts:
TheBrilliantMistake · 04/03/2018 14:36

Poor chap. He's not actually done anything wrong yet, but he's already in the doghouse because YOU are upset about him missing something you claim you don't really care about AND you've got the dates mixed up.

Maybe tell him what you've done, laugh about it, and enjoy his company instead of waiting for him to fail.

Original poster
forveveroverlooked · 04/03/2018 14:37

that should say grabby not granny.

OP posts:
MadAssHatter · 04/03/2018 14:41

Yabu for making me think it was Mother's Day when I thought I still had time to post my cards. And yabu for being upset that you thought your dh had forgotten a day that you yourself have said you don't celebrate

ToadOfToadHallSingsTillLate · 04/03/2018 14:42

OMG!!! You have me a heart attack saying it's Mother's Day today!!! AngryWine

Original poster
forveveroverlooked · 04/03/2018 14:43

I don't want anything I just want the thought to be there. Does no one understand what I'm saying?

OP posts:
DalekDalekDalek · 04/03/2018 14:44

I thought I'd missed Mother's day for a second! Didn't read the rest of the OP YABU just for that! Grin

Original poster
forveveroverlooked · 04/03/2018 14:44

by the way I said I wasn't bothered about him forgetting, we don't buy presents but it's the fact that I don't seem to come into his thoughts at all, ever.
He actually did say he thought it was mother's day today too

OP posts:
Original poster
forveveroverlooked · 04/03/2018 14:46

I'll just accept that I'm ungrateful and a bitch.
if not one person can see what I'm trying to say then I guess I have to accept that I'm in the wrong.

OP posts:
Mookatron · 04/03/2018 14:46

Oh thank fuck

Mookatron · 04/03/2018 14:48

I feel a bit sorry for your husband by the way, he is desperately trying to get his parents to like him.

You should tell him that you love him so can he put you first sometimes please?

Overthinker1 · 04/03/2018 14:52

I think the issue is on one hand your saying you don’t care about Mother’s Day but on the other your using it as an example of how he does nothing for you. If you want the Easter egg buy it. If you want Mother’s Day stuff then say you would like to celebrate. His not a mind reader.

Trinity66 · 04/03/2018 14:52

Why don't his parents like you or your kids? did you all fall out over something? That sounds like a bigger problem tbh

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