To think there is nothing wrong with being lazy?

[crunchymint]

I am not talking about neglecting your kids, but it seems to be seen as morally superior to be busy. Whereas I think there is nothing wrong with being lazy.

Unfortunately I cant stand being lazy, but I only judge others if their laziness affects me. Looking at you DC/DH.

Sorry I don't think I explained myself very well above: I think he was suggesting there was no such thing as inherently lazy - a person who seemed so just hadn't found a thing to do which lit a fire inside them. It's this I have never forgotten

I'm trying to have a lazy day but dh keeps trying to encourage me to do stuff. I've had to be firm and ensure he knows my plan - drink tea and move only to get more tea! Dh: "oh right, are you planning to go to the gym later?" Er no, how would that fit with my plan for the day?

I have 3 dc and work so rarely get a chance to be truly lazy. I guess I'll cook dinner later but that's it.

@HotelEuphoria I think I'm this example it's a case of enabled behaviour rather than laziness.

Let them starve and rot for a while (assuming DC are old enough). Being taken for granted is not ok, cooking, cleaning and running around like a headless chicken whilst they all sit their on the PlayStation is beyond not ok.

Give them a good kick up the derrière

I'm not sure what I am: sedentary? Lazy? Only doing what needs to be done?

That's ok with me.

I'm lazy but efficient. I would prefer to work intensely for a short period of time and then relax, rather than work at a more leisurely pace. I prefer to be doing nothing much with lots of possibilities rather than have things to do. I don't find it boring at all.

I have anxiety and I suspect OCD. My mind is always going at 100 miles a minute and I find if I am busy then I have no off switch and I can feel overwhelmed very quickly. I work best in short intense bursts.

Some people are genuinely busy with lots of responsibilities and demands on their time. But some people who describe themselves as busy are just inefficient. They turn tasks that should take an hour into a week-long project. Some people just faff more. My MIL can allow a trip to the post office and chemist take up her whole day, what with the thinking about it, putting it off, doing it, talking about it! Someone else would do that on the way to doing something else.

I have a big family, (5dc) so I have a certain amount of unavoidable work but I am not rushed off my feet. I am happiest doing nothing much at all and I don't feel guilty. I would never be lazy on someone else's time though.

I used to do loads when I was younger. My aim was to make sure if an unexpected visitor called round, the house was tidy and clean. I used to polish the door handle on the outside door. I can't believe how busy I used to be.
Now it is more a case of good enough.

I have a friend that's lazy. I have cooked meals for her more times than I can remember. She's never returned the invite.

Her house is a shit hole and needs a lot of work. She has a pile of socks in the living room that she discards every night and doesn't wash until she has no clean ones left. She won't bother cooking for herself so lives on junk food and is very overweight as a result.

This kind of lazy is not acceptable to me, or anyone surely?

My idea of lazy is watching a movie on a Sunday afternoon.

Agreed, people do find themselves superior if they like being busy. A while ago a colleague massively criticised me because I said my perfect weekend was one where I lock my door on Friday after work and don't unlock it until Monday morning. She said I was lazy and that she would go out of her mind with boredom. I go swimming five days a week after work so I don't really think I am particularly lazy. I find people overwhelming and need the weekend to recover from working with people all week. She made me feel guilty for spending my weekend doing what I enjoy. She looked at me like I was an alien!

there is a time and a place I guess, but laziness as an overall life trait is not to be applauded.

I have 2 daughters, one is helpful, does things that need doing, gets her schoolwork done.

the other does the bare minimum, does nothing unless asked to, scrapes through on her brains and minimal effort with schoolwork,

and wonders why her sister is generally more popular.

I have two daughters like that two. And the lazy one is more popular, other DC seem to be drawn to her and see her laziness as rebellious and exciting.

"I think it has the negative connotations because in the past life was a lot of hard work, everyone had to be working basically all the time or nothing would get done!"

There's the Protestant work ethic thing as well, having a lie in was seen as sinful and letting your neighbours see your curtains drawn during the day was shameful.
As regards housework, we now have so many labour saving devices, but hygiene standards are higher.

I regularly have lazy days when DS is with his Dad. I am completely on my own, so I don't give a monkeys if I spend the day in pyjamas surfing the net and the washing up doesn't get done for a couple of days.
I think it is more important to my mental health to relax than be up and about every 5 minutes making sure the house is immaculate. Probably a rebellious reaction to my Ex never sitting still and more annoyingly never giving me 5 minutes peace without nagging

I prefer the term "insouciance" as defined by the Cambridge Dictionary;

"a relaxed and happy way of behaving without feeling worried or guilty"

My cousin struggles with 'relaxing'. She lives alone (kids grown) so no one to 'take care of' but herself and her house is just fine. A bit untidy with crafting stuff & books, but hygienic, iyswim. And yet she feels guilty if she spends the day in PJ bottoms and a t-shirt rather than 'getting dressed properly' or if she 'watches too much TV'.

The last time I was there at my insistence we both spent the day lounging on her bed in PJs watching Handmaid's Tale and eating chocolate sundaes. She enjoyed it so much once she finally realized that there's nothing wrong with 'treating yourself' that now she manages to do it on her own!

Neglecting your 'necessary things' to do nothing isn't right. But what you do after they're done is up to you. I prefer to do nothing!

BeyondThePage is the helpful one the elder of the 2 - no it is the younger who is helpful. (they are 15 and 17)

I love how this thread has come up in 'Active" 😂😂😂😂😁😃😂😁😂😃😂

Lamb, I don't really understand why that would be unacceptable, TBH - presumably it affects only her? Not returning the favour of meals is a bit stingy but the rest is her problem.

At work I'm the opposite of lazy. I'll get on with anything, and work until everything is done (and done thoroughly - I'm a perfectionist) even if it means going home very late or skipping lunch.

This is most definitely NOT to suggest that going home on time or eating lunch is lazy - it is not, and I would benefit from doing it more often. I just let myself get too busy, and fail to be strict enough with myself or others to stop.

At home, I am quite possibly the laziest person that ever lived and I'm not even exaggerating.

There are lots of people with health conditions that affect their energy. Most of these health conditions are invisible, so not blindingly obvious to the people around them. In my opinion what is BU is when people judge them as choosing to be lazy, when really trying to do stuff can make them ill. I'm sure those people would love to be able to be busy and do lots.

On the other hand I have healthy friends who will tell me they had an afternoon sleep and they sound guilty about it. My response to them is always "If you had a good sleep in the afternoon then your body needed it. Don't feel guilty for listening to your body"

As long as you're not putting any burden on another person there is absolutely nothing wrong with being lazy. Your life. Your choice.

I spends days in bed, rarely leave the house. Rarely do housework. I wear loose baggy clothes so I probably do look like a sack of spuds. If I do exert myself I need a nap after. I don’t work.

Im actually very sick. I have multiple illnesses and take so much medication I need it written down or I lose count.
I try my hardest to be “normal” and do “normal” things but I suffer for it and end up using my wheelchair for weeks after.
There is no cure, this is my life.
But according to in laws, ex friends and other family I am simply lazy.

Recently been having an upswing and able to do so much more physio and exercise etc and all I have heard is “see you’re just lazy get out there and move around, fresh air will cure you”

I'm lazy and efficient, too.

I always look for shortcuts, and I like to get things 'down pat'. I'm naturally good at lots of things, which is probably why I'm lazy: I don't need to work that hard.

Having said that, if I put my mind to something and value it, I do it properly. If someone tells me I can't do something, I make sure I can!

LambMadras Why are you friends if you’re so different from one another? (Just out of curiosity and don’t mean to pry)

Bertie: it's unacceptable because I invest a lot of time helping her, encouraging her, drawing up plans of how to tackle sorting out her house. And still she sits and eats and does nothing. Of course, it's perfectly acceptable to her but totally alien to me that someone can be this lazy.

Passthestarmix: we've been friends 25 years. I care deeply for her but we are very different people. She has a wonderful fun side but the laziness frustrates the hell out of me

I have lazy tendencies. Given the choice I will do nothing at all. However for appearances sake I will crack on and do what I need to in order to ensure everything functions as it should. But given the chance I’ll have an afternoon nap and watch shite on Netflix.

it's unacceptable because I invest a lot of time helping her, encouraging her, drawing up plans of how to tackle sorting out her house. And still she sits and eats and does nothing. Of course, it's perfectly acceptable to her but totally alien to me that someone can be this lazy.

Has she asked you to do those things, Lamb?

Okay, why does general laziness matter?
Assuming your kids are well looked after, obligations are met, why does laziness outside of this matter?

That’s the crux of it it really. Laziness is bad if it means people who rely on you (kids) suffer or those around you have to pick up the slack and do more.

But I think what you’re asking is being busy beyond that? And no, I don’t think that is bad. We all rush around like mad and for what? Of course we make sure that the kids are fed and loved and clean and that our partner isn’t doing everything because we can’t be arsed. but past that yeah. Stop. Relax. Look at the clouds, ponder life. Sit and feed the ducks. Have a lie in if you’re able.

I know some people who have every waking moment scheduled - not because they have to but because they seem to need to. Every evening is kids activities, one is taking her reluctant three year old of a 16km ski trip (poor kid...) and complainjnvvthe kids want to sit home and play lego 🤦🏻‍♀️

Kids need to be bored to develop imagination. Adults I think benefit from a bit of downtime too. God knows I have little enough in my life!

So no, YANBU. Read a book, state at the walls, watch the clouds, enjoy the quiet. Its psychologically healthy to press the stop button sometimes.