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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Immediate family

51 replies

Wifeandstepmum · 04/03/2018 09:05

So can you settle an argument between me and MIL please?

DH and I have been invited to his cousins wedding. The invitation is addressed to just the two of us and not any of our children. The invitation says that the couple are sorry but they can only accommodate the children of immediate family members.

Mil thinks that that means that our children and my step children are invited. I think that the children of cousins are not immediate family members.

We could ask the couple but I don’t want to make them feel uncomfortable (I’ve never met them). Also I don’t want to take our kids to the wedding, I’d rather party without them. Mil wants them to be in formal family photos....

OP posts:
formerbabe · 04/03/2018 09:07

I don't think your DC are invited...

I'd rsvp back saying you and your dh can attend...then see if they ask about the DC...then you'll know for sure!

squadronleader87 · 04/03/2018 09:08

I agree with you. Immediate family to me is parents, siblings and their children.

LadySainsburySeal · 04/03/2018 09:08

Immediate family is the cousin's siblings I believe.

PanPanPanPing · 04/03/2018 09:09

I wouldn't regard cousins children as immediate family either, so you're right and your MIL is wrong!

Go by yourselves and have a great child-free time!

CuriousaboutSamphire · 04/03/2018 09:09

You are NOT immediate family. You know it, your DH knows it and your MIL knows it but she wants to have her own way. Wonder what her sister/brother thinks of her wanting her family in their family photos?

Smile and nod at her and arrange childcare. Enjoy the partying Smile

Belindabauer · 04/03/2018 09:10

No I wouldn't class your dcs as immediate family.

arethereanyleftatall · 04/03/2018 09:11

Your children are neither on the invite, nor immediate family. So, no, not invited. Enjoy the wedding!

Floopbloop · 04/03/2018 09:11

Cousins are not immediate family IMO. I'd say in this situation siblings of the b&g and their offspring are the immediate family they are referring to.

FitzFoolFoveverInTheNighteyes · 04/03/2018 09:11

without other info i would assume the B&G's own DC and their sibling's DC only.

obviously different if you actually spend a lot of time with your cousins and they are close to your DC....but as you've never met them then no, your dc are not invited!

Iloveacurry · 04/03/2018 09:12

I agree with you, immediate family would just be brother’s or sister’s kids, not cousins kids.

MarthasGinYard · 04/03/2018 09:12

Not invited
Op correct

HoosierDaddy · 04/03/2018 09:12

"Immediate family" = children and nieces/nephews of bride and groom.

If they were counting you as immediate family, they wouldn't have included apology about kids not being invited.

Have fun 😊

NewYearNewMe18 · 04/03/2018 09:12

MIL is incorrect!

If any children were invited, they would be on the invitation. They aren't so they arent'!

Birdsgottafly · 04/03/2018 09:12

You're right, Cousins aren't immediate family.

Are you asking her to babysit and she's trying to get out of it?

Poshindevon · 04/03/2018 09:12

You are correct cousins are not immediate family. The invitation says it all only you and DH are imvited. Your MIL is going to upset people if she carrys on, it is not her place to say who should go or be in photos

Original poster
Wifeandstepmum · 04/03/2018 09:16

No not asking her that babysit... we had a mostly child free wedding but we did invite the children of the wedding couple as they had very special circumstances.
The couple comcearbed have no children but one of their siblings has two children.
Mil thinks it will be sad that these two children maybe the only kids at the wedding under my interpretation.

I’m so worried MIL is going to try to invite our kids herself. Not that I would take them but I’d find that embarrassing.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wifeandstepmum · 04/03/2018 09:18

Sorry we invented the nieces of the wedding couple....

OP posts:
Original poster
Wifeandstepmum · 04/03/2018 09:19

Ha I’m making such a mess of this! I have too many user names and am trying not to out myself

OP posts:
Idontdowindows · 04/03/2018 09:20

Your children are not invited and your MIL is being very silly.

Wineandrosesagain · 04/03/2018 09:20

How can MIL invite your kids herself? It’s not her wedding. If she tries to put pressure on the couple to invite your kids just tell her not to bother as you will not be taking them. Be very direct with her and tell her it’s not open for discussion.

littlemissrain · 04/03/2018 09:22

No, cousins definitely aren't immediate family.

Immediate family is parents, siblings, grandparents, maybe aunts and uncles at a stretch.

I'm sure your kids aren't invited.

Jengnr · 04/03/2018 09:22

Not only are they not invited but you don’t want to take them anyway so who cares what MIL thinks?

Original poster
Wifeandstepmum · 04/03/2018 09:23

Wine I’ll call MIL today and make sure she doesn’t pressurise the couple or drop enormous hints to the wider family about our kids.

OP posts:
BiscayTrafalgarFitzroy · 04/03/2018 09:23

We are doing the same at our wedding - children of immediate family only. That is clearly children of brothers and sisters. Cousins are not immediately family.

Glumglowworm · 04/03/2018 09:26

Cousins aren’t immediate family.

Immediate family would be parents, siblings, children. Maybe grandparents although they’re unlikely to have children of their own at their grandchild’s wedding

If your children were invited then why would there be an apology that they can’t invite children?