to think living with someone with MH issues is fucking hard

[FitzFoolFoveverInTheNighteyes]

disclaimer clearly i am aware it is also fucking hard to have MH issues yourself. This is not meant to be a competition as to who has it hardest.

I'll try and be brief:
DH has anxiety. panic attacks, shortness of breath etc. he is on medication for it which keeps it controlled most of the time. but he has flare ups every few weeks which involve him being short with us and grouchy for a few days, then an anxiety attack, then the 'control methods' he has to work through - breathing exercises, going for a walk/run etc, then a day or so of him being washed out and tired from the attack.

This is after a 2 year gradual build up before the big first anxiety attack - so 2 years of not really knowing why life was so hard etc.

I am so drained by it! When he's struggling i'm left to deal with all the DC, everything at home etc - i'm so tired!

He's my husband and i love him and i will support him however i can to get this controlled and get him well again but oh my god its so hard.

Anyone else the partner/spouse of someone with MH problems? Any coping tips you can share? (or feel free just to vent if you need)

I totally agree with you, OP - this is why I never married (despite offers), never had children and now don't even date. I only have 2 friends left because mh issues can make you quite selfish and flakey as fuck at times.

I'm enormously grateful to my two friends (neither of whom live anywhere near me) but know it's hard for them too.

I think you should see if you can self-refer to talking therapy in your area, via IAPT, or your GP, and also check out whether there is a MIND group in your area - they used to have some for friends and relations

thanks saint she gets regular therapy. I don't know if she would be worse without it, or better with another therapist. OCD is a horrible disease.

My situation is a little different I have anxiety and depression and partner has anxiety and ptsd. Whats difficult about it for me is my partner doesn't like to talk about it, he ingores it and holds it in, although I would like to talk about it more. He won't even tell me when he's having a panic attack which makes me worry and it makes me feel useless. Sometimes I get worried if he's going to get himself out of bed, but that's what I admire about him he keeps going and we do our best to keep each other happy. So be sensitive, its not easy, appreciate and cherish the good days you get, they can feel like heaven on earth, and the bad can feel like hell, but support him it will pass and get better.

I can relate to so many themes- trying to support without enabling, being fed up with the amount of responsibilities I have while he avoids them, financial pressures due to him being unable to work.......

My partner never told me he had recurrent depression before I moved in. He has been made redundant a few times & had to repeat a year at university- now I know why. If he had told me, I'm not sure I would have moved in.

We have come close to splitting up twice, and I'm not sure I have it in me to do another episode again. I have spent most of the last few years wanting to run for the hills.

We're now mid-40's & I worry about the future with a man who can't hold down a job. We have no savings & had a charity pay the mortgage when we couldn't.

Also have 2 young kids & no family support nearby. I have felt as if I have the world on my shoulders. I have protected my sanity through running, friends & family.

Thanks to all for sharing, it's good to "talk" about it.

DP has just lost his job (nothing to do with his MH) but it’s really pushing me close to the edge - as others have said I feel all the responsibility lies with me. He probably won’t be out of work for long but I really worry if he goes past a certain point he won’t go back, and I will,need to somehow pick up, even though there is no way I can pay the mortgage on my own.

Well on the back of this thread DH and i have had a talk. I have explained to him how hard it is to deal with it all sometimes. he was understanding and supportive. the end result is that i'm no longer going to suggest he needs a walk/run, i'm going to actually say 'you need to go our for a walk' and make it clear i expect him to go. he promises he will trust my judgement that he is not coping and will go.

I have also made an appointment to speak to the GP about some councilling for me to help me process it all, and to make sure i dont follow down the depression spiral.

as much as i'm sorry that others feel the same or similar to me and am so grateful for those that have shared their story and so glad the thread has provided comfort and solidarity for others.

just keep putting one foot in front of the other people.

If he's willing to try and help himself by listening to you op then fingers crossed that it won't be this way forever and no reason he shouldn't improve. Good luck

How is your dp now , a couple of years on ?

sounds exactly like mine ( hope you are in a better place right now x