Aibu to wish he'd stop moaning?

[NameAndNappyChanger]

Dh's recent choice (quitting his job for one that pays 50% ish what the old one did. Without telling me and without preparation).has meant that im making huge cutbacks now. I manage the family finances and tbh most of the cutbacks effect me but there are effects on him too. Like cancelling his gaming subscriptions (one for PS4/PSN or whatever it's called and one for magazines) and he can't buy anymore parts for his computers, which is his hobby. But for fucks sake you'd think I'd drop kicked him in the face! Exact conversation

Him "But can't i at least have $x a month for parts"

Me: "No, because our food budget is minimal, our bills fixed and there's nothing I can do to magic up more money".

Him: "Can i at least keep PS+? Can we afford that?"

Me: "No we can't, see here, here and here. We cannot afford it, sorry babe"

"But I quit working at Y so I'd have more time for these things! What the fuck."

This is a choice he made without consulting me at all (literally came home and told me, I had 0 notice).

If we don't make these kinds of cutbacks we'll be starving on the streets. So it must be done. It will be minimum costs from here on in. This also includes cutting down to 1 car, which is all good until you factor in the 0 public transport in this area (other than v expensive taxis) and I'll be walking just over 25km a day to get the kids to and from school as well as looking after a young BF baby, and as dh's workplace is too far to walk to, it's me that has to take the hit.
Re: the kids they'll also have to give up their hobbies and lots of their "fun" stuff too. None of us have thrown a strop like he has and my life is about to become extremely difficult, im just trying to get on with it but he's whining about his gaming subscriptions.

No yanbu. Man child. Make him suffer.

In fact I'd be selling any gaming stuff as well

He's a stupid selfish cunt. His behaviour is disrespectful, don't give in.

He does sound very immature. He made that unilstersl choice disregsrding how thst would impact on your family. Now he is miserable. How does he think you feel! There is a dolution. He gets s better paid job and learns about the family finances. I am surprised because understanding if you take a 50% reduction in salary, you will be significantly worse off, is pretty basic stuff.

I don't know you.
I have never met you.
But I am actually, fucking seething angry on your behalf and I feel violent towards your partner for doing this to you and your children. I have great difficulty believing that there is a father and a partner so fucking self centred, self absorbed and selfish in this whole world.

You sound calm, how are you keeping your shit together and not throwing the fucker out with a black bin bag full of socks and underpants???

YANBU at all! I'd be bloody fuming with him. Who the hell suddenly decides to change their job, cutting their income in half when they have a family and doesn't bother to consult them? For me, this applies equally to men and women!

He has responsibilities and his stupid choice has impacted on his entire family!

You mention a young baby? Are you on mat leave? If so, are you.planning to return to work?

Please excuse all typos! Shocking!

and I'll be walking just over 25km a day to get the kids to and from school

He's selfish to put you through this. You should be angry at him quitting the other job.

Make him take public transport to work even if it a 25km round trip!!!

You take the car!!

What a massive manchild. And complete loser. How you have shy respect left for him, I do not know.

Cutting salary after discussion with you, in partnership, and to save his mental health or something, fine. But just doing it without consultation so he can spend more time playing games?! Pathetic!

Do you work? (Assuming you're on Mat leave with small baby)

*any respect

I am with JimJack. Stand your ground op. Bloody awful behaviour.

So basically he quit his job so he could spend more time gaming yet never thought through the implications of the drop in salary, is expecting or oblivious to everyone else’s sacrifices and is moaning about his.

And you are with him bscayse

I literally can't give in anyway - even if I wanted to. It would take about half of our months food budget. Fuck that, the kids need food more than he needs his hobby!! I'm not nasty so won't needlessly be selling his consoles but if there was something unexpected cropping up then his PS4 would be the first thing to get pawned. As it stands since his hobby (without lots of new shiny things each month and a subscription he seldom uses) doesn't actually cost anything month to month as he has games and stuff he can keep it but it has made me upset that I'm making major cutbacks (as well as minor ones for myself) and he's behaving like this over not getting new games/parts/a subscription.

Im not on mat leave and won't be able to return to work for a while for several reasons.

We did agree for me to go back to work once youngest is at school but even if I were to find work unfortunately we would be worse off for it, I can't work around him as though he has a set amount of days he could be working them on any day of the week. So week 1 he may do Monday Tuesday and Wednesday then week two may be Monday Saturday and Sunday and so on in a completely random fashion, so I'd have no way to work around him and we can't afford childcare. So the only way out of this at the moment is for him to find better paid work, do lots of overtime (not available for the time being as it's a low season for his work so he's barely clinging on to what he's contracted at) or get something that is set enough for me to work around so as not to need childcare.

Unfortunately our area isn't great for jobs and most of it is seasonal work.

YANBU, in fact I think you're amazing! Exactly the right approach, I'd be absolutely furious too.

^^ agree with Cherry

I had to convert the km to miles , that’s 15 miles! per day!

He’s not a good DH/DDad.

A good partner discusses things and reaches decisions that make the best sense for the family.

So unless he’s physically or mentally unwell and can’t cope with his job, or retraining for a better job/career - then he’s a fucking selfish knob.

What are his good qualities then?

Did you really say ‘sorry babe’?
I’d be calling him names and making him accept the blame.

He sounds really childish.

I'll be walking just over 25km a day to get the kids to and from school as well as looking after a young BF baby, and as dh's workplace is too far to walk to, it's me that has to take the hit

No, no, no, no. It's not. If you absorb all the consequences of his shit behavior he won't understand. Also kids can't be walking 25 km a day. That just can't fly.

If his work is too far, that's his problem to sort out. You're the financial brains of the family and the responsible parent by the sounds of it.

He can't just unilaterally decide things like this and you suck up all the consequences. You're enabling his childishness by doing so.

Let him suck up his own consequences.

His work is more than 25km round trip away, unfortunately. Otherwise I would be demanding the car.

As I've said, public transport isn't really available apart from expensive taxis (it would be approx $200 a day to have a taxi to do the school run with, or $120ish a day to get him to and from work) so it's just not feasible. Nothing transport wise (apart from taxis) for about an hour and a half, anyway. That's how far I'd have to drive to get to any kind of station or bus stop, the next closest thing is a coach stop. Which wouldn't get either of us anywhere useful.

He'll be taking the kids to school at some points, or I will be in the car, but if he's working the 3 days in the week (mon-fri) that means I'm spending those days doing huge walks. More days if he manages to secure overtime which he won't for the time being. Which fucks me off, but not much I can do unfortunately

I know the ins and outs of the situation and I'm doing the best I can, I'm really just posting here for a vent about his attitude. Not help with the situation which I'm honestly doing the best I can with.

Unfortunately there wasn't any time to prepare financially or start cancelling things, sell the car in advance etc as I was pretty much the last to know what he'd done.

Dear God you are strong, so strong.
To be thinking ahead, thinking so clearly, not jumping off a cliff like I would with rage takes guts.

He is still a selfish, self centred fuckng arsehole though.

So you are stuck with this, have you lay it on the line that he needs to sort his shit out and get another job...AND that his gaming shite is going on ebay to pay for ...you know..food and travel?

The kids Don't walk 25km a day, I do.
They walk there with me (6.3km for all)
I walk home (so 6.3km for me only)
Then I walk to them (6.3km for me only) and then walking back home (6.3km for all) the only dc coming with me will be in a pram and pretty oblivious to it.
12.6km is what the kids will be walking, but for me it will be 25.2kms because I have to come home after dropping off/picking up.

I would not make my children walk that far, but 12kms in a day for them is doable, though they're quite understandably grumpy and tired by the time they're home but it's the best I can do.

What a bastard. IF it was to follow his dream with good career prospects AND he had thought about how to cope on 50% of his previous income, by which I mean actually showing you a budget, fair enough. To spring it on you is appalling. To then expect money for his hobby...when saying the DC have to give up theirs... is beyond belief. To tell DC ok, you need to stop piano / football etc for a bit while Dad retrains but you can start again in x time, and more, because Dad will then have a better job , when parents are doing nothing fun for themselves is one thing. But he's changed job to spend more time gaming?! And expecting you and little kids to walk 25km 3 days a week - when you have a bf baby?! He's abusive. Genuinely LTB.

Oh x-post, but tbh 12km is a lot, no wonder they're tired.

”... but it’s the best I can do”

• in the short term.

I’d be planning to LTB.

Did you post the other day whennhe told you? (If not, there’s someone else in the same situation).

He’d be gone.

He’s a father & husband. He’s not acting like it, he’s acting like he’s a 14 yo with a paper round. He’s selfish, has no sense of responsibility & no common sense. There’s no way, I could live with him.

You need an exit plan ASAP.

Your H is far from DH.

He's a selfish fucker with no thought for his family at all. His actions are awful.

Use this time to get all the evidence you need to LTB.