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Original poster

Nobody is excited for the baby

72 replies

hhhxxx · 03/03/2018 16:50

I'm 22 weeks pregnant with a baby girl,

So bit of a long story...

Found out I was pregnant really early as periods are always bang on the date. Me and partner of 18 months decided we wasn't ready to bring a baby into the world and went to have a termination, when I went they said there was nothing there. Weeks went by and long story short when I was 12 weeks I found I was still pregnant! We went for a scan to double check and there she was with her little heart beating. I fell in love straight away and I thought my partner did too. I said to him it's completely up to you what we do and he said no no it's too far along, maybe a baby won't be so bad after all (he has 2 children already)

He always pretends to be happy but whenever we argue he tells me how he never wanted the baby and I've trapped him. He said I've done it just to get on the dole (I work full time unlike his ex who has never breathed a days work in her life) and the only way he's gonna be happy is if he gets to take the full paternity and have all tax credits etc in his name.

I'm absolutely fuming! I've already bought my pushchair, crib and lots of clothes and he tells me I just sponge of him because he's been oau

OP posts:
Original poster
hhhxxx · 03/03/2018 16:53

Clicked post by accident!!!

His house is mortgage free which I moved into 12 months ago and he pays my petrol as I drive him and his kids everywhere and anywhere.

To top of the nobody caring, I seen her kick for first time today and took a video. I sent it to my sisters, my mom, my aunt etc but nobody has even replied.

So fed up don't know what to do 😔

OP posts:
Blackteadrinker77 · 03/03/2018 16:54

Your title doesn't match your post.

Did you ask him why he thinks you want to stop working and be on the dole?

Why do you bring the mother of his children in to it?

Beeziekn33ze · 03/03/2018 16:56

Did you and your partner get on all right before you became pregnant?
Concentrate for now on yourself and the baby. He doesn't sound very kind or supportive but things may change.

Blackteadrinker77 · 03/03/2018 16:57

Just read your second post.

Other people are not that interested until the baby is born. At 22 weeks I'm not sure what you videoed, she will only be about 1lb in weight at this stage.

ConstantlyCold · 03/03/2018 16:57

Sorry no one is interested in the baby video.

Truth be told to me every ultra sound scan of a baby looks exactly the same to me. I couldn’t even get too excited about my own let alone anyone else’s.

Your partner sounds like a knob.

userabcname · 03/03/2018 16:58

Well he does sound unreasonable. If you had the discussion at 12 weeks and he agreed to keep the baby then it's really not fair to throw it in your face every argument. If I were you, I would sit down and have a frank talk with him about where he sees your relationship going and how he wants to proceed with regards to the baby. Does he want to be with you? If not, will he support you with the baby / want contact with her if you split up? If he says he wants to stay and have the baby with you, I would make it very very clear that he is not to make accusations of you 'trapping' him again, and if he does then you will leave. I would not be prepared to stay in a relationship with such resentment clearly brewing.

Birdsgottafly · 03/03/2018 17:00

If he was a good Partner before this, then it sounds as though he is scared of going through another breakup and sharing residency.

But it still needs to stop.

You need a proper discussion when you aren't arguing.

Graphista · 03/03/2018 17:03

Jesus! Sick of men behaving like this! Both adults, both CHOSE to have sex (were you using contraception? And by you I mean both of you) which can result in pregnancy. You did NOT trap him.

Tell him to grow the fuck up, decide if he wants you two to stay together, be in the child's life or not and if he says he does want you to stay together etc he needs to quit this crap, get on board and support you properly.

If he says no, fine, he still needs to pay maintenance. Better you know where you stand

abbsisspartacus · 03/03/2018 17:04

I think you need to prepare to be a single parent no he is not getting the tax credits in his name he can take paternity leave if he likes who is stopping him but personally I would move out

SadieHH · 03/03/2018 17:06

To hell with that. He sounds unbearable. Why men are allowed to get away with this shit time after time astounds me. He needs to get his arse into gear and start stepping up. If not then single parenthood beckons I’m afraid. But I’d make sure he paid his way. Any money is for the baby, he seems to think that child tax credits are for him to have a spend up.

Lifeisabeach09 · 03/03/2018 17:07

Hmmm, well, he obviously didn't want the baby but said yes begrudgingly.
Don't give up work, OP. And start planning for the relationship not working out.

Lifeisabeach09 · 03/03/2018 17:08

As PP said, keep tax credit and child benefit in your name!!!

Dozer · 03/03/2018 17:10

Your partner is an arsehole.

Your family and friends are not going to be happy that you’re pregnant when your partner is an arsehole.

Sorry you’re in such a bad situation. The sensible thing to do would be to plan on being a single parent when you decide to leave him or he ends it with you and kicks you out of his property. Seek to hang onto your job.

Don’t let him financially abuse you.

StaplesCorner · 03/03/2018 17:12

so you've moved into a house that he owns outright? Can you move back with your family? Or wherever you lived before? You need to look into maternity leave and benefits and decide what to do when baby comes, but do it on your own as this relationship is going nowhere.

DannyLaRuesBestFrock · 03/03/2018 17:14

do it on your own as this relationship is going nowhere

I am really sorry to say this, but I totally agree.

Graphista · 03/03/2018 17:16

What kind of father is he to his 2 DC he already has? Does he pay maintenance?

chocolateworshipper · 03/03/2018 17:17

I would guess that they're not showing any excitement because they're worried about you coping under these circumstances.

However, I totally understand why it's upset you. Congratulations from me though Flowers

GrannyGrissle · 03/03/2018 17:19

I'd think twice before putting this weirdo on DD To Be's birth certificate and DO NOT put any benefits in his name, you'll leave yourself open to financial abuse. Personally i'd go it alone rather then put up with this man.
Nobody got particularly excited about my pregnancy they didn't like exp and thought i'd be a shit Mum Sometimes you need to be strong and assume it is just you and DD against the world. Flowers

TatianaLarina · 03/03/2018 17:27

I think you need to stop driving this man and his kids around and focus on the baby. It sounds like he’s moved you in to look after his kids.

Absolutely do not let him have the benefits, they must go into your name. You will likely need to leave him at some point.

juneau · 03/03/2018 17:27

Your partner is a knob and you'd be better off without him if he has such a toxic attitude towards you (let alone the baby).

As for the video - let it go. Other people's pregnancies simply aren't very interesting and at 22 weeks you've still got a long way to go. I'm sure your family will be more excited once the baby arrives.

AcrossthePond55 · 03/03/2018 17:29

Well, FWIW it sounds as if he DIDN'T want another child. For all of his 'agreeing' after the scan I have a feeling he hasn't changed his mind.

His attitude and insults show that he still considers the coming child a burden. If I were you I'd either leave now and get myself set up before the baby comes or I would immediately start saving money and stashing it away (where he can't find it) because I think it's pretty inevitable that at some point he will ask you to leave since you 'trapped him and therefore he bears no responsibility'. Trust me, it will happen. Please don't just sit around and wait for the other shoe to drop.

As far as the scan, it may be that your female relatives realize that you have gotten yourself into a 'not so good' situation with a useless, selfish prat and they just find they can't be all excited for you.

Lweji · 03/03/2018 17:30

At 22 weeks I'm not sure what you videoed, she will only be about 1lb in weight at this stage.

Quite a lot.
It's not 22 days.

At 12, my DS was jumping up and down. I wish I could have filmed him then.

OP, you need to consider carefully if you still want to stay with him. He'll hang this baby over your head for the rest of your relationship.
But he's not leaving you, so it's a control and abuse thing, rather than him trully believing it.

Original poster
hhhxxx · 03/03/2018 17:32

I bring up his ex as because she's so shit he's the best dad in the world to his other kids. Would literally give them the world but because I'm "normal" let's say, he must think I deserve to do it on my own!!

He's actually the loveliest person ever, very charming and Everyone loves him and probably wouldn't believe me if I told them he's actually a fruit cake!

OP posts:
Original poster
hhhxxx · 03/03/2018 17:33

Also I wish I could post the video it's actually quite amazing

OP posts:
Original poster
hhhxxx · 03/03/2018 17:34

And as for the money.. he's way better off for money than I am so I'm not sure where he's going with the tax credits. I think it's a patronising control thing

OP posts:
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