To think condoms are as good as the pill

[Ribrabrob]

I don't use the pill because I don't like the idea of putting hormones into my body (however can completely understand why others choose to take it and have no issue with it). I also do not feel comfortable with other forms of contraception such as the implant, injection etc. Therefore my one and only method of contraception is to use condoms (always).

Am I naive and unreasonable for thinking this is a reliable and safe method of contraception? (I'm more than happy to be told that I am). Should I look further into other methods?

)For context, I used the pill for a very short time in my teens and I did not like it. It made me feel ill)

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If you've found this page in search of condoms that have been tried and tested by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best condoms useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

I wouldn't rely on a condom in a long term relationship

Nonsense - been married 25 years. 3 pregnancies, all conceived within 1 or 2 months of trying, no other accidents. Safe, effective, saves me fucking up my body with hormones.

A lot of people don't realise that some lubricants or massage oils can also damage condoms (as can storing them incorrectly at the wrong temperatures etc). A bloke who keeps them in his car glove box for instance, could be compromising their effectiveness.

dontdontdont my partner actually prefers it with condoms luckily. It makes him last longer! So it is a win- win situation as I can't tolerate the pill, and there is no wet patch!

He doesn't seem too disengaged when we are doing it

It's not nonsense, it's stating pure facts.
If you're in a long term relationship with lots of sex and really don't want to get pregnant, then condoms alone are statistically not enough.

It doesn't matter if YOU didn't get pregnant via them, it's more important that people understand they are not 100% perfect. They are a huge help in avoiding pregnancy, but they are not the perfect solution. That's why I'd not recommend them as the ONLY contraception over a long period of time with a lot of sex. If someone has no other choice - then so be it, they can still do other things to help reduce the odds further.

dontdontdont

It is my DH's choice to use condoms. I have never used the pill in my marriage - we both prioritise my health and don't feel the need for me to have to handle any raised health risks or side effects from long term hormone contraception when effective barrier methods are available. So to a large extent, condom use is an act of genuine love and caring on both our parts. DH doesn't like the idea of the snip and I respect that.

The figures given are for the likelihood of pregnancy for a typical couple using that method for a year. Let’s say that’s an average of 100 shags.

So on average 1 in 50 couples who are using condoms perfectly every time and having sex an average amount will get pregnant in a year. If they are more or less active than the norm then that number will go up or down.

Of couples who when asked “what method of contraception do you use” tick the box marked “condoms”, 9 out of 50 will get pregnant - mostly because they’ve got drunk and horny and thought “what the hell”. Condoms work considerably less well when they’re still on your bedside table.

Of couples where the woman is taking the pill perfectly then roughly 1 in 200 will have a pregnancy each year. Of all couples using the pill with average efficiency almost 1 in ten will have a pregnancy in a year. But both those frequencies will be tweaked up and down by whether you’re having more or less sex than the norm.

The answer to the OP’s question is that only she knows whether she’s likely to be closer to the 1 in 50 or 9 in 50 statistic for condom use, because that depends on her and her DP’s behaviour. Either way, the risk is 2-4 times higher than the hormonal equivalent and at least ten times higher than Mirena. That may be a risk worth taking if the side effects of hormonal contraceptives are too bad.

Also long term condom user. 2 planned pregnancies, only twice have we gone without. One of these resulted in twins so although I say they were unplanned, they weren't due to contraception failure.

Most of my friends used condoms in our teens and twenties (had this conversation with a group of university friends very recently as we're all late 40s now and at varying stages of using contraception) and the only pregnancies resulted when condoms weren't actually used.

That should say 2 planned pregnancies, and only twice on 20+ years have we gone without when not trying to conceive and one of those resulted in twins!

Thanks @TheBrilliantMistake - luckily we've never come a cropper and DH has had the snip now!

The full pleasure of sex is about how two people enjoy each other - with or without a condom. It's unfair to believe with a condom is 'less' pleasurable. Some people like them, some don't. Of course, putting one on can be a passion killer, but it needn't be... it can be part of the pleasure if both people want to make it so.
If you want to make wearing a condom a chore, that's easy to do - but you can make it part of the fun if you set your mind to it.

You can also argue then unprotected sex means you might not be 100% relaxed, whilst wearing a condom, you can be a lot more relaxed in the relative knowledge of having safe sex.

Physically, as a man, I'd say I prefer the physical sensation of sex without a condom, but that's a small part of the overall sexual experience (for me). There's plenty of ways to have great sex with wearing a condom!

*to posters in marriages where you are using condoms permenantly

I have some genuine questions -

How do you manage with this? Doesn't your husband object?*

Not in the slightest.

I've got pregnant on the pill (I was using it properly) but never on condoms

We used a condom as I was uncomfortable with hormones after so many years on the pill. The first split, I took the MAP, the second split we were on holiday and I decided to play the odds that it wouldn’t result in a pregnancy.
I lost.

But I also won and he is now 20 years old and I adore him. Cost me my marriage but he was worth it.

Now I am on the Mirena but I am probably beyond the age of conceiving anyhow.

You could turn this the other way round and say 'to husbands who don't wear a condom, or haven't had the snip, doesn't your wife object to taking the pill?'. She's having to undergo a biological change in order to have sex, and she's doing that 24/7 with many possible side effects.

At the end of the say, a couple has to decide between themselves on the best all round solution for them, but it's right to question if the pill is always the best option.

Thanks for your responses to my quesiton

Physically, as a man, I'd say I prefer the physical sensation of sex without a condom,

TheBrilliantMistake - personally I have never met a man who says anything different. I get that sex can involve lots of other forms of pleasure but I would have thought that once you are talking long term marriage for ever, few men would put up with this.

Maybe I have a poor impression of men or have only been dealing with very sexuall driven men - but I think I would always have a nagging fear that he'd find a woman who would have barrier free sex for his long term choice.

I get it's managable short term but forever. I think the men I know would be all "life's too short to have partner who needs me to use condoms forever".

I would feel really insecure about infidelity if it was a permenant situation.

I haven’t tried the full thread but there are ‘natural contraception kits’ where you monitor your body temp and test for ovulation etc. sort of the opposite of ttc and on those days you use extra spermicide or whatever.

I'm genuinely puzzled by the horror of using condoms.

I have used the pill and condoms with my husband. Contraception is not a concern now but we used condoms happily for many years. I can't now remember why but it was his suggestion. Tbh I think it may well have been we were both sure we did not want another child and he was taking steps to ensure that.

So far as the effectiveness of either method- I was religiously fanatical about taking my pill correctly and even as the only method used it worked. Same with condom as only method. We had sex once using no contraception and I became pregnant.

I think I would always have a nagging fear that he'd find a woman who would have barrier free sex for his long term choice.

This has literally never occurred to me and we have always used them. DH doesn't want a vasectomy and I don't want to use hormonal contraceptives. We both don't want any more children. Anyway - it won't be forever as the menopause arrives sooner or later!

We've been using them for 12 years. I don't like hormonal contraceptives

I got pregnant very fast both times when we decided to get pregnant so there's no problem there. They work fine for me.

dontdontdont Re 'doesn't your partner object?...DH and I have always used a combination of condoms and the rhythm method...if DH (then just a boyfried) had pressured me to try other hormonal contraceptives after the bad reaction I had to the pill before I met him, and having been told by my GP he really didn't recommend me taking anything hormonal, I would have dumped him.

Luckily DH cares a lot more about my health than about a 5 second lack of spontanaity.

If DH decided to leave me for someone who doesn't use condoms then good riddance.

well... my first child is due to a split condom... but then again I took the morning after pill and that didnt work either!!

I think the pill is probably safer than condoms. But I agree with you in not using it. I dont use it as I dont want the hormones in my body. I tried once when I was younger and it had a very bad effect on me. I know you can get different ones but I cant see myself trying them out tbh.

But im married and I would keep any children I concieved at this point so Im not too fussed about the slightly higher risk of condoms.

Another vote for copper coil here. Basically 100% effective and hormone free.

I've never fallen pregnant using a condom, but have on the pill.