AIBU about parents not allowing us stay

[snowangel85]

Hi I'm just wondering if iabu or not. We're currently stuck in the house with no heat or electricity since last night with small kids. My parents don't live too far away but they've electricity and heat although they've only a two bed cottage it is only the two of them. They know our situation as I rang them to see if they were ok considering the snow and stormy weather we are having. All my mum said hope you's get it back soon there was no offer of putting us up. We know the roads there are passable as DH has managed to get out earlier. I know if the situation was reversed I'd be first to offer them somewhere warm to stay. MIL has told us to make our way over to hers in the mean time although it's a further journey. AIBU? I know if it was me and my children needed somewhere to stay no matter what age they were I'd out put them up even if everyone had to sleep on the floor.

But you don't know the parents know that! Or that they don't have another perfectly good reason. You don't KNOW. So why be so fucking horrible?

'Then you are singularly lacking in imagination aren't you. Friends of mine are lacking heat and power right now, I'd love to help them. But the road is impassable between us and them and our own power is going on and off, so we cannot help.
But I guess to you and your boggling mind we are just the worst people ever, since you wouldn't know why were weren't offering?'

Yes, it takes such great imagination to offer to help . Not offering your own kith and kin is some serious twat behaviour. But hey, continue to get personal, I'm not bothered in the least, I think anyone who doesn't offer their own child and grandchildren shelter in this when those people have no power and heat are twats, pure and simple. I'd move fucking mountains to get to my kids and grandchildren in such a setting because it's what you do when you have an ounce of decency as a parent.

Nail on head, expat.

We are in the exact same boat (albeit with cats rather than children) and about to set off to my parents'. I did ask but if I haven't I'm sure they'd have offered. yanbu. Hope you stay warm.

It goes without saying that she should offer.

The OP hasn’t asked because she knows what her mum is like. And her mum is the type of woman who doesn’t even offer to help her child and grandchildren when they have no food or water in minus degrees.
An arsehole basically.

*no heat or water

*no heat or electricity

Fuck me, get it right.

Oh, for heaven's sake. Use words like an actual grown up. Don't blame your mother for not being a mindreader. If you've told her you're all fine, don't blame her for assuming you are all fine.

So just ask them. If I was stuck in a cold house with no heat or electricity I wouldn't be too proud to ask for help. You are just playing the martyr. If I couldn't find a friend or family to stay with I would consider finding a hotel/bed and breakfast if finances stretched to it.

ask her. is she says no she's definitely being unreasonable.

YANBU. Next time you speak to your DM don’t forget to mention how kind your MIL was to put you up in your hour of need so your kids didn’t have to freeze.

Yes, it takes such great imagination to offer to help
The imagination is to try and understand why someone might not. But hey, you know what you would do in a hypothetical situation, so anyone who doesn't is automatically a cunt, right?
And you feel qualified to tell other people what is wrong with them? Get a hold of yourself and realise you are not the big I am.

That's really odd she didn't offer. Why do you think this is OP?

So why might someone not? About all I can come up with is either having an unpleasant need for constant toilet use or not wanting to miss their Friday night telly.

I would have offered you an extra heater. And offered to have the DC;s. Wouldn't have wanted all four of you staying in a two bedroomed house.

I don't have much space in my house but I have floor space. If any of my 3 sons were in that position and even if it were all of them at the one time, they would be coming to stay without argument! I think its shocking of your mother.

'The imagination is to try and understand why someone might not. But hey, you know what you would do in a hypothetical situation, so anyone who doesn't is automatically a cunt, right? '

IMO, yep, spot on. Cannot imagine any situation in which I would not offer shelter to my child and grandchildren if I knew they had no power or heat in this.

'And you feel qualified to tell other people what is wrong with them?

Yes, I do feel qualified to come to the opinion that such a person indeed has something wrong with them, they have twat syndrome.

'Get a hold of yourself and realise you are not the big I am.'

If it means I'm the big I am to have compassion and decency enough to offer my own child and grandchildren shelter in a blizzard when they are without power or heat, hey, thank you! I take that as a compliment

'I would have offered you an extra heater. And offered to have the DC;s. Wouldn't have wanted all four of you staying in a two bedroomed house.'

Hard to run a heater when you have no power ? But hey, you'd see your own daughter with no heat or power in a blizzard because it cramps your style for a bit, says more about you than her.

How about messaging them and saying "Good news, MIL has offered to let us stay at hers until the heat comes back on." is that likely to arouse a competitive/possessive spirit where they make an offer too? If not, just go to your MILs...

If it were my kids I'd be offering - and picking them up, and making up beds and offering to pay for a hotel near them if the roads are blocked
Go to your MiLs - set off before it goes dark and the roads get worse
Tell your mum she kindly offered

Go to your MILs.

That's really odd. They must know you are all freezing!

However much it inconveniences them you'd have thought their daughter and grandchildren being warm far outweighs that!

I hope you get your heating on soon. Don't leave it too late to get to mil if it looks like you'll be without heat all night op

Go to your MILs before you get any colder. And just accept that your parents aren't the "helping" kind.

How old are your parents? What is passable to you may seem treacherous to them and they mightn't want you to leave the house. I haven't left the house and it looks like hell out there. DH has been out and says it's okay so again, they might think it's not passable. Also, they may think the power and water being off is only short-term temporary and so not think you need a place.

Give them a call and just say we need a place and can we come round. I doubt they'll say no.

You should have asked, this is not like the party situation, but an emergency. If you don't ask, you don't get.

Make a mental note to tell them to get stuffed next time they need your help.

This!