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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU about parents not allowing us stay

84 replies

snowangel85 · 02/03/2018 15:21

Hi I'm just wondering if iabu or not. We're currently stuck in the house with no heat or electricity since last night with small kids. My parents don't live too far away but they've electricity and heat although they've only a two bed cottage it is only the two of them. They know our situation as I rang them to see if they were ok considering the snow and stormy weather we are having. All my mum said hope you's get it back soon there was no offer of putting us up. We know the roads there are passable as DH has managed to get out earlier. I know if the situation was reversed I'd be first to offer them somewhere warm to stay. MIL has told us to make our way over to hers in the mean time although it's a further journey. AIBU? I know if it was me and my children needed somewhere to stay no matter what age they were I'd out put them up even if everyone had to sleep on the floor.

OP posts:

Snowysky20009 · 02/03/2018 15:45

Just ask her. Although I would have offered straightaway........

LakieLady · 02/03/2018 15:45

YANBU-I would offer a family member or friend somewhere warm to stay without blinking in this weather, and I think most normal people in RL would do the same

Absolutely. We certainly would. We had friends stay for 2 weeks after they were flooded a few years ago, this is only likely to be a night or two.

biffyboom · 02/03/2018 15:46

You would think they would at least offer to have the children! How cruel.
Do they usually help out at all? I'd ask them direct if you can come, or at least the children, then of they say no or make up an excuse, you have a solid reason to tell them to kiss your arse of they ever ask for any type of help in the future.

52FestiveRoad · 02/03/2018 15:46

Ok so they have form for being a bit unreliable. In that case it is best not to even consider their help in the first place, it would have been worse if they had agreed you could stay only to rescind the invite once you had got yourselves over there in the snow.

Glumglowworm · 02/03/2018 15:46

Why wouldn’t you just ask?

I never understand why people get cross at other people for not being mind readers! If you need help, they’re your parents not strangers, just bloody ask them! They’re not “not allowing” you to stay, they just haven’t offered it. They may think the roads are too dangerous, or it may just have not occurred to them. So ASK THEM.

expatinscotland · 02/03/2018 15:47

Dear god people really think you need to ask? WTAF? You would seriously see your child and grandchildren with no power or heat in this and not fucking offer to put them up? That us beyond selfish and knobber behaviour. Hell, I'd offer to go and get you. YANBU.

SnowBusinessLikeSlowBusiness · 02/03/2018 15:49

Dear god people really think you need to ask? WTAF?

If they don't offer, why would you not? There may be a good reason whey they haven't, you don't know.
You would seriously see your child and grandchildren with no power or heat in this and not fucking offer to put them up?

I can't see why I would let that happen, but there could be a reason.

Why do people always assume that it must be malice and people must be the worst evil bastards in the world? Are you happy, OP, to have your parents spoken about in this way?

expatinscotland · 02/03/2018 15:49

Stories and vid clips of people helping random strangers all over the place, volunteering to do so, opening up their homes and business to homeless, risking their lives to help others and a person is expected to ask their own parents to stay at theirs when they have no power or heat in a blizzard. The mind boggles.

irregularegular · 02/03/2018 15:49

Just ask her. Some people aren't good at offering but that doesn't mean they aren't happy to help if you ask. Some people don't like to interfere. Others just don't think in time. Daft as it might seem, I sometimes don't realise until well after the conversation was finished that I really should have offered to look after children, give a lift etc

SnowBusinessLikeSlowBusiness · 02/03/2018 15:51

The mind boggles

Only if you have no empathy or insight of any kind.

ThePinkOcelot · 02/03/2018 15:51

I don’t think the OP should have had to ask tbh!! If it were a friend or family, I would have offered.
YANBU OP - your parents are shoddy!!

hibbledibble · 02/03/2018 15:51

Until you have asked, she hasn't refused.

Ask her! If she refuses then that really isn't nice.

Hope you get power back soon

expatinscotland · 02/03/2018 15:52

'If they don't offer, why would you not? There may be a good reason whey they haven't, you don't know.'

What good reason is there to now offer to shelter your grandchildren in a blizzard? We've got mates currently stuck in Lancaster, but have offered to collect them at the ferry when they get here, to go over to their house and turn their appliances on (they've been away a few months), get basics in for them for their return. Because you know, they can say no but it's what people do when they care about others, offer.

MichaelBendfaster · 02/03/2018 15:52

After reading the OP's update, I'm not really surprised she didn't feel like asking outright. She may well have got a 'yes' that was then reneged on.

Dear god people really think you need to ask? WTAF? You would seriously see your child and grandchildren with no power or heat in this and not fucking offer to put them up?
Yes, this. Mind-boggling.

expatinscotland · 02/03/2018 15:53

'Only if you have no empathy or insight of any kind.'

Oh, the irony! Empathy and insight means you offer to help others if you think they might be in need . Cannot imagine not offering to help anyone in this weather who doesn't have heat and power. That's fucked up.

TheJoyOfSox · 02/03/2018 15:53

Be brazen! Don’t wait for an invitation, tell them “we have no heat, light or abilities to cook hot food. We will be with you within the hour, have the kettle on”
They probably have t given it a thought.

NotCitrus · 02/03/2018 15:54

They may think you and the children are safer in your house where you can all snuggle up in bed to keep warm and eat biscuits and tell the kids it's a great adventure, than trying to get to theirs on icy roads where there have been loads of accidents and people stuck all night.

SnowBusinessLikeSlowBusiness · 02/03/2018 15:56

What good reason is there to now offer to shelter your grandchildren in a blizzard?

Maybe they thing the roads are impassable. Maybe one of them is ill and has not told OP. Maybe they do not realise the OP needs somewhere to stay. Maybe, just maybe, they are not evil incarnate and have a good reason that you are not privy to?
Don't be such a dick about people and situations you have zero knowledge of.

expatinscotland · 02/03/2018 15:56

The power went out in our town last night for a bit. We live a few miles out and the road was impassible, but plenty nearby were offering help, shelter, etc. to strangers because who doesn't offer when someone says they have no heat or power in this?

BarbarianMum · 02/03/2018 15:58

I can think of a few good reasons thst it might not be possible - caring for someone in the last stages of a terminal illness fi - but none that the OP wouldn't be aware of. Who wouldn't offer shelter to family in weather like this? Hell, I'd offer it to friends, acquaintances and neighbours I barely knew.

SnowBusinessLikeSlowBusiness · 02/03/2018 15:58

Cannot imagine not offering to help anyone in this weather who doesn't have heat and power. That's fucked up

Then you are singularly lacking in imagination aren't you. Friends of mine are lacking heat and power right now, I'd love to help them. But the road is impassable between us and them and our own power is going on and off, so we cannot help.
But I guess to you and your boggling mind we are just the worst people ever, since you wouldn't know why were weren't offering?

expatinscotland · 02/03/2018 15:58

'Don't be such a dick about people and situations you have zero knowledge of.'

The real dick is someone who doesn't offer. Because in all those scenarios you can still offer and then explain the circumstances, especially to your own child and grandchildren. You can offer and then someone can refuse. But to be stood there waiting to be asked is to be a dick, IMO.

Bluelady · 02/03/2018 15:59

All of that's bollocks, Snow. If one of them was ill they'd be grateful for OP to go and look after them.

52FestiveRoad · 02/03/2018 15:59

But the road is impassable between us and them and our own power is going on and off, so we cannot help.

But that isn't the case with the OP, who has already said the roads are passable between hers and her parents.

PNGirl · 02/03/2018 16:00

I would love to know what super special reason they might have for considering offering their second bedroom up and then deciding not to! Thinking there is a reason suggests you think it's an active choice an it did occur to them but was dismissed.

YANBU. I would have at least invited you up for a bath and a meal.

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