Page 4 | What would you think if we're invited to a wedding where...?

BillySmut56 · 2018-03-02T14:10:20+00:00

The couple were 22 and 27. The couple were 50 and 55. What's the youngest/oldest couple you've ever know to marry?

Eltonjohnssyrup · 02/03/2018 15:26

I got married at 23 to someone who was 31 over 20 years ago now. There were some people who said I was too young or the age gap was too big. They tended to be quite narrow minded people who thought you should marry between 28 and 32 to someone with no more than 3 years difference in age.

They’re all divorced now. I’m not.

I also love an older people’s wedding. I love the idea that you can still find happiness and hope for the future after 40.

liz70 · 02/03/2018 15:31

I can't believe some people think that 22 is shockingly young to be married. My mum was married and had two month old DB at that age. If a marriage fails I doubt the ages of the couple when they wed has much to do with it.

WeAllHaveWings · 02/03/2018 15:34

I met DH at 21 and I moved into his flat at 23. We were both not particularly interested in being married but eventually eloped when we were 35. During that time we were living together I was financially vulnerable as I was paying the mortgage on the property and my name wasn't on the deeds and I hadn't done anything legal to protect myself. We were also both financially vulnerable if something happened to either of us as we hadn't written wills.

It all worked out ok for us still together after 28 years, but in hindsight getting married earlier would have been a better decision for both of us legally, even if it did end in divorce.

The concept of modern marriage is now flexible and different for everyone, you can say the vows you choose, which is a good thing. I do believe if you shouldn't make a commitment to be with someone unless you mean it, whether it is buying a home together or marriage you should endeavour to ride out the rough (obviously excluding any kind of abusive relationships) with the smooth and do your best to make it work, but if you try your best and it just isn't working out there is no shame in marrying young or more than once.

So if I was invited to either of OP's weddings I would think a wedding, I love weddings! and what can I wear!

If they have made vows before and broke them by divorce then a second marriage is a little regardless of age. It makes a mockery of the vows.

Yellow, if the vows say to love, honour and cherish and your dh stops loving, honouring and cherishing you and is basically a moody nasty arse and there is no chance of him changing are you really going to stay until death us do part and make both of you miserable for the rest of your lives? You only get one life and in the modern world divorce and remarriage is no longer judged on the misplaced values of the 1950s.

kinorsam · 02/03/2018 15:34

I've been to weddings:

21 & 24 (my own)

both mid-70's

Loads in between. Don't think anything of it really.

Deshasafraisy · 02/03/2018 15:35

I hate myself for clicking on this thread

Justwaitingforaline · 02/03/2018 15:45

I married DH at 22 and he was 23. I don’t see it as a ‘starter marriage’ and neither does he - while I appreciate some people find it on the younger side, I find it ridiculous that people think it’s something to not be taken seriously

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 02/03/2018 15:46

I don't know why I ever read these threads, always a few people acting like people in their 20s are still kids ffs. I got married on my 21st birthday, we've been together since I was 17 and dh is 10 years older than me and we got a few comments....we don't really speak to those people anymore. We celebrate our 6 year wedding anniversary in April and couldn't be happier.

Id just be pleased for the couples with either of those invites.

Enuffsenuffsenuff · 02/03/2018 15:49

I don't think either end of that spectrum is extreme. Youngest couple I've seen wed was two school friends. They would have been about 23 I think. Oldest would be my grandpa who remarried after my gran died, they would have been late 60s at the time of the wedding.

KC225 · 02/03/2018 15:56

Friend 30 married a 23 year old man. She had travelled, lived aboard, lived with a couple of guys, dealt with the death of her first husband to cancer. He lived at home, married her the summer he finished his university course (20 minutes form his home). She was his second girlfriend. I thought it wouldn't work due to massive life differences - she had been through so much and he seemed to have barely started. Well what did I know, 22 years later - two kids and still one of the happiest couples I know. And she looks younger than he does.

Another couple I knew, she was 45 never previously married, he was 67, and widowed 10 years. She had inherited and was very 'comfortable', he was on a basic pension and living in rented accomdation. They met at a shared interest which they actively parcipated in until his death 15 years later. She fell out with her cousin who asked why she would marry someone so old and poor. I had secretly thought the same but didn't say anything - thankfully as they were really happy.

I am clearly rubbish and calling 'if it will work' but I will admit when I am wrong.

WyfOfBathe · 02/03/2018 16:00

If a couple were under 20 or over about 70, I would probably think it's a little unusual but I'd still be excited for the couple.

Neither 20s nor 50s strikes me as particularly unusual. In the last couple of years I've been to weddings for people of both those ages, and didn't even think about their age at the time.

whycantiloginonmyotheraccount · 02/03/2018 16:14

If it's about age differences then it depends on how many houses they have.

Otherwise, I'd think whether I'd need two new outfits or if I could get away with one.

Viviennemary · 02/03/2018 16:15

I would think what will I wear and I must lose some weight before wedding date. I wouldn't be thinking of the ages of the couple. I might if there were 17/16 or 92/89

YearOfYouRemember · 02/03/2018 16:17

Starter marriage is such a horrible phrase and a ridiculous concept. I would be embarrassed if my child ever said they were having a starter marriage.

Garmadonsmum · 02/03/2018 16:24

I’m sorry I ever used the phrase now! No one would ever say they were havjng one, it’s the equivalent of saying you’re making a mistake - well actually a bit more accepting than that, it acknowledges that relationships started very young aren’t necessarily going to last forever.
My question would be, not whether you think the marriage at a young age will last or not, but do you think the person might have had a different life if they weren’t tied down (usually to someone from their home area/school) at a young age?

jaseyraex · 02/03/2018 16:29

I really wouldn't think anything of it. I was 25 when I married DH who was 31 (neither married before) and I'd have been really upset had anyone commented about it being a "starter" marriage! Under 20 I'd probably raise an eyebrow but definitely keep my thoughts to myself.

Having said that my mum and dad were 16 and 17 when they married. Lasted 27 years and was happy for the most part. My gran has recently remarried at the grand age of 78. Grandad died before I was even born and gran stayed single for most of the time after. It's so lovely to see her happy and in love. Her new husband is 73 and she likes having a toy boy

Ivebeenaroundtheblock · 02/03/2018 16:34

I recently heard of two widowers both past mid 60’s having married. I’m genuinely happy for them both.

Original poster

BillySmut56 · 02/03/2018 16:40

I've said what I think.. I think nothing very much. But I've heard lots of others say otherwise, so I wondered what MN thought. It seems you mostly agree with me.

Maybe I just know a lot of judgy people!

OP posts:

TotHappy · 02/03/2018 18:47

@Garmadon i think that's true, that i have a different life than i would have had if i hasnt married at 20, but surely whatever choices you make shut out other choices? We'll never know if the lives we didn't choose would have been better or worse, they're just what ifs

OopsPardonMrsArden · 02/03/2018 18:53

Jeez. I got married aged 47, DH 51. Now wondering if there was much sniping behind my back that I was oblivious to

YearOfYouRemember · 02/03/2018 18:57

"I’m sorry I ever used the phrase now! No one would ever say they were havjng one, it’s the equivalent of saying you’re making a mistake - well actually a bit more accepting than that, it acknowledges that relationships started very young aren’t necessarily going to last forever.
My question would be, not whether you think the marriage at a young age will last or not, but do you think the person might have had a different life if they weren’t tied down (usually to someone from their home area/school) at a young age?"

Someone who is marrying and saying they are having a starter marriage because they think they are making a mistake should clearly not be getting married. It's not the same at all as acknowledging that some relationships that start at a young age don't last.

Obviously someone who marries at 35 will have a different life to someone who marries at 17 .

Hippychickster · 02/03/2018 19:06

The first time I got married we were 23 and 27, and the second time I got married we were 48 and 50 so I've done both!

Had a lovely day both times and no one said anything except nice things.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 02/03/2018 19:08

I'd think yuck, a wedding, and then ponder what excuse I was going to use to get out of it.

cjferg · 02/03/2018 19:14

I didn't realise these were issues...

Married husband last year. I am 23, he is 34.

CheeseTheDay · 02/03/2018 19:14

DH and I got married when we were 22 and 23 (we've been together since we were 14 and 15). I'm sure there were lots of "they're too young, it'll never last" comments behind our backs - heck a handful of people said it to our faces - but Monday will be our 18th wedding anniversary, so we're not doing too shabbily!!

Anyhow, neither invitation would cause me to bat an eyelid, I'd just be looking forward to attending two joyous days.

expatinscotland · 02/03/2018 19:16

You know a lot of judgey twats. Really hope they don't bother going to either wedding, the couples deserve better people to celebrate with.

A 22-year-old is far from a child or inordinately young. The level of infantilising young adults in this culture is stupid.

One of the best weddings I went to was a second wedding. They had it outside (it was in a US state in Summer) and then a huge BBQ and potluck in a park afterwards with plenty of room for guests to camp. It was fabulous! I knew the bride, she was 48. She had been married before but he was a cheating twat who left her. The groom, 53, had been married before but really not my business what broke up his previous marriage.

If I don't care to celebrate then I would decline an invitation.