For context... Been ttc for about 4 years but will need IVF. Due to the length of time and needing IVF this has led to me starting some conversations, as throughout the time DH had seemed sometimes disinterested etc.
So I asked DH if he wants to go ahead with kids / IVF still etc. Asked him to give it thought and then I asked again a couple of weeks later.
DH said he wants children BUT the only reason he could give for his view, was that it’s because it’s what everyone else does. I probed a bit more... he said ‘no one really ever wants children but it’s different once they get here’. He did not have any positive reasons at all for actually personally wanting them. He couldn’t answer whether he, personally, actually does want to raise a child. It just “what people do”.
He asked my reasons (it’s about wanting to create a new life, experience that bond, help to shape and guide another human being into their own person etc). He said he had never considered this type of thing about actually raising children.
I’ve asked him to give it some more thought. But as it currently stands I don’t want to proceed, because I don’t agree that his reason is right. He isn’t really making a genuine choice - just doing what he thinks is expected quite passively.
AIBU not to feel OK about having kids now? We both have the same answer (“yes” to wanting kids) but totally different wavelength about WHY we want them. I’m confused, am I being ridiculous or do the reasons matter as much as the ‘yes’ / ‘no’? Am I being judgemental? Whatever reasons they are valid I guess and we still came to a mutual conclusion...?