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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to work full time? Would you choose part time permanently?

145 replies

speakout · 02/03/2018 12:00

If you could would a 20 hour a week suit you?
Now that my youngest is about to go off to Uni I have no desire to increase to full time hours.
Wouldn't that be ideal for everyone- assuming money was not pressing.

OP posts:
Original poster
speakout · 02/03/2018 15:49

Would you be able to work 20 hours a week without his income? Could you support yourself?

Easily.

OP posts:
Bluelady · 02/03/2018 15:52

Who said OP's husband was "frazzled"?

Allthewaves · 02/03/2018 15:54

I work 19 and it suits me. I'd work more hours if meant.dh could work less

Original poster
speakout · 02/03/2018 15:55

I said he was " frazzled" - at least that's how it seems to me.

I know I would be frazzled in his situation. I don't know, maybe he likes it, he's an odd egg.

I do know he likes coming home to a chilled relaxed home and partner.

OP posts:
DeleteOrDecay · 02/03/2018 15:56

Cobra you seem really invested in op's situation. Is it really that difficult to understand that this set up works for her and her dh?

PoorYorick · 02/03/2018 15:58

I do know he likes coming home to a chilled relaxed home and partner.

Well to be fair we all like that. Everyone would like to come home from work to no housework and dinner ready. Women don't seem to be allowed to say it as much though.

Still. If he's on board and it works for you, do it.

CobraKai · 02/03/2018 15:58

Bluelady - The OP did.

If you really earn 50% more than he does and you work 20 hours a week to his 60 and he's 'constantly frazzled' - why on earth wouldn't you work more so he could work less?

If you're a partnership and your job is like a hobby involving forest walks and calming your mind and you are such a high earner on 20 hours a week that you could easily support yourself independently and earn twice as much as him, why on earth wouldn't you do a few more hours?

Hardwickwhite · 02/03/2018 15:59

I work a flexible 21 hours. It is perfect. It means I can be home most days at the same time at the DC, and now and again work more on a couple of days so that I can have a whole day off if I need to do something else. This week it meant that DH and I were able to go to the cinema one afternoon - it was bliss! It does also mean that I am likely to have to work through the weekend to catch up with myself though!

Original poster
speakout · 02/03/2018 16:00

CobraKai my work isn't like that.

I have tried upping my hours, but I kill the very thing I create.

Is that so hard to understand?

OP posts:
TalkinPeace · 02/03/2018 16:00

It depends on your skill set
there are lots of well paid part time jobs for those with the right skills

I work full time part of the year and not at all at other times of year

Flippetydip · 02/03/2018 16:01

PoorYorick I'm a woman, I say all that time that I love it that my DH doesn't work as much as I do and that I like coming home to a calm, well-running household. I like the fact that he is chilled and happy, because at the risk of sounding clichéd, when he is, the rest of the household is too and it makes for a far nicer environment.

He couldn't support himself or us on solely his salary, my working full-time enables him to do a creative job that he enjoys and to look after our household, finances and children. It also enables him to pursue his hobbies. I'm very happy to support that. Maybe the OP's DH feels like I do.

Original poster
speakout · 02/03/2018 16:02

And I didn't say I earned twice as much as him cobra.

Do the maths.

I said I earn 50% more than him.

OP posts:
CobraKai · 02/03/2018 16:02

Delete - I'm not invested. I commented and OP and you have made comments directly to me.

So I responded. That's how internet forums work. It's impolite to not respond to someone talking to you directly isn't it?

PoorYorick · 02/03/2018 16:03

PoorYorick I'm a woman, I say all that time that I love it that my DH doesn't work as much as I do and that I like coming home to a calm, well-running household.

Yay! Shout it!

Maybe the OP's DH feels like I do.

I'm sure he does. Like I said, I think we'd all like to come home to no housework and dinner ready. And if he's happy with the OP being part time, and she wants to, then they should just do it and not worry about what anyone else thinks.

CobraKai · 02/03/2018 16:03

You 'kill the very thing you create?' What is it you create exactly?

Original poster
speakout · 02/03/2018 16:04

Flippetydip exactly!!!

You have got it.

My OH encourages my " forest walks", because he knows it is good for me, and therefore the family, but also has a direct effect on the £££ that I earn.

OP posts:
Original poster
speakout · 02/03/2018 16:05

I design, create and craft unique items that I sell worldwide.

OP posts:
BringMeTea · 02/03/2018 16:07

Yet again I find myself in total agreement with ReanimatedSGB. Far too much negativity attached to not wishing to spend most of your time on earth at work. Unless you LOVE LOVE LOVE your job.

Original poster
speakout · 02/03/2018 16:08

If I work full time my head is too full of invoices, packing, repetitive work, cooking and cleaning becomes a pressure.

I need the headspace to keep my ideas flowing and my energies high for new stuff that I need to do to keep my business alive.

Just the way I work. And OH totally gets it.

OP posts:
Taffeta · 02/03/2018 16:10

I can’t get worked up about my pension

I may not make it to 65

I may get an inheritance

I may have a career change in the next 10 years

I may choose to continue working ( my mum worked til 75, she loved her job )

etc etc

Part time works for us, now.

PoorYorick · 02/03/2018 16:11

Just the way I work. And OH totally gets it.

Then go for it and don't pay any mind to what other people think.

If you've been on MN for longer than thirty seconds you'll know that any discussion that's even tenuously linked to the SAHM/WOHP/FT/PT debate always goes exactly the same way with all the same characters. Just do what works for you and your partner.

FancyABrewOrTwo · 02/03/2018 16:11

You asked though in your original post 'Wouldn't that be ideal for everyone- assuming money was not pressing'

but quite clearly it isn't ideal for everyone. Your DH for one as you say it's not possible. Also whilst money certainly isn't pressing for me I am factoring in the long term benefits of full time such as retirement funds etc.

CobraKai · 02/03/2018 16:38

I remember why I know your username now You earn 50k a year profit crafting 20 hrs a week?

Well yes, that would be ideal for everyone but you're the only person I've heard of that is able to earn 50k a year profit crafting 20 hours a week.

It still doesn't make much sense to me why you wouldn't work just a few more hours (not even f/t) on your hobby job with such a high earning potential while your DH works up to 60 hours a week but I doubt I'll ever understand that.

BlueSkyBurningBright · 02/03/2018 16:51

I worked part time (30 hours a week) when I went back to work after DS was born, he is now in his second year at university. I have no intention of going back to full time work. I also have cleaner and gardener, so my day off is truly me time.

Dh works full time in a very stressful and senior role. He loves it most of the time. He earns x5 what I do. He benefits from me being at home one extra day a week. I run the house, do the cooking etc.

When our youngest has left university, I plan to stop work completely. Though I am not sure how I will feel about not having my own money.

Original poster
speakout · 02/03/2018 16:58

cobra you're the only person I've heard of that is able to earn 50k a year profit crafting 20 hours a week

I'm not sure what you are getting at here.

It can be hard making money from crafting, but if you hit on a twist, something with added value or difficult to replicate then there is £££ to be made.
I had to close my business in the run up to christmas because I could not keep up with demand.
Even now I have to carefully limit my catalogue, not being able to fulfil orders because of my limits is a problem.
And I am growing in lots of directions with my business.
One day soon my OH may come to work with me.

OP posts: