Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to work full time? Would you choose part time permanently?

145 replies

speakout · 02/03/2018 12:00

If you could would a 20 hour a week suit you?
Now that my youngest is about to go off to Uni I have no desire to increase to full time hours.
Wouldn't that be ideal for everyone- assuming money was not pressing.

OP posts:
Original poster
speakout · 02/03/2018 15:13

CobraKai I don't really get your point.

What more should I be doing? Busting a gut so there are two of us with no time to maintain a running home?

OP posts:
Bluelady · 02/03/2018 15:18

It seems to me there's more than a touch of the green eyed monster about all the "self indulgent" comments.

CobraKai · 02/03/2018 15:20

If you're happy being an adult having someone else subsidise your lifestyle without feeling like a freeloader then crack on.

Original poster
speakout · 02/03/2018 15:20

Seems that way to me too bluelady.

I have touched a nerve with all these calvanists.

Apparently self indulgence is a bad thing.

OP posts:
I8toys · 02/03/2018 15:22

Oh for gods sake - if it works financially for you and everyone is happy - why would you want to work full time?

CobraKai · 02/03/2018 15:24

Lol at Calvanists. Self indulgence is fine. I bet your DH thinks that when he leaves for a 10 hour working day and you're lying in bed planning your next 'creative' project Smile

Original poster
speakout · 02/03/2018 15:25

CobraKai I don't know why you have a bee in your bonnet.

How are his employment choices my responsibility?

OP posts:
PoorYorick · 02/03/2018 15:27

Some were not great but even the ones I did enjoy got too much for me but thanks for trying to tell me about my own life.

You're most welcome, and the more you tell a public website about being unhappy, the more responses you'll get suggesting ways that you might help yourself.

However, we are only trying to be nice. We don't actually really give a shit.

DeleteOrDecay · 02/03/2018 15:27

If you're happy being an adult having someone else subsidise your lifestyle without feeling like a freeloader then crack on.

There's always one. Surely it's not difficult to see that everyone has different circumstances and different things work for different families.

PoorYorick · 02/03/2018 15:29

How are his employment choices my responsibility?

They're not. However, if you're married or run a household together, and especially if you have kids, working hours need to be a joint decision. It's not that there's anything wrong with being part time, I am part time. It's just that you can't decide it unilaterally, any more than your husband/partner could decide it for you himself.

If working part time works for you, and you and your partner are both happy with the arrangement, then go part time. You don't need our permission. For some people it wouldn't be feasible, and since you've asked the question, they're telling you.

Why are you asking us what we'd do and then getting annoyed because not everyone would do the same as you?

DancingHipposOnAcid · 02/03/2018 15:30

I would love to work part time and be able to spend more time on my other interests.

I'm lucky that I am in a well paid profession where it is possible to find part time work. Hoping to do this in a few years when finances should be more healthy.

Original poster
speakout · 02/03/2018 15:31

PoorYorick I was answering CobraKai

OP posts:
DeleteOrDecay · 02/03/2018 15:31

Where this 'we' coming from? The only one who tried to be 'nice' was you, poorHmm

I don't care if you don't give a shit (why bother trying to be nice in the first place). I was responding to the thread just like everyone else.

Bluelady · 02/03/2018 15:33

Possibly because those comments are judgemental? Freeloader? Thought it was all "family money" round these parts.

PoorYorick · 02/03/2018 15:34

I don't care if you don't give a shit (why bother trying to be nice in the first place). I was responding to the thread just like everyone else.

In my experience, unless people have some sort of disability or mental health issue (which you may well have, you didn't say), they are usually capable of working full time without becoming actually ill. If work does make them ill, it is likely because their job is shite or they are being treated badly at work. Unfortunately, a lot of people become so beaten down by abusive workplaces that they sincerely do not realise that's the problem and think the fault lies with them.

I was briefly concerned that you may be one of those people, so I threw the possibility out there for you to consider. If it's not true, no problem, but I honestly cannot see why it offends you so much.

Tbh, your bizarre response leads me to think there are other reasons you get unhappy so quickly, but if I told you what those were, you'd REALLY get offended. So I'll leave it there. Enjoy your happy life.

CobraKai · 02/03/2018 15:34

I don't have a been in my bonnet. You've posted on an internet forum asking for opinions.

Yes it would be lovely if we could all work only 20 hours a week but you can because your DH works 60 hours a week. His employment choices are obviously influenced by your lack of desire for full time employment aren't they?

Deleteordecay - yes different things work for different families but if you can show me one family with adult DC where the woman works 60 hrs a week while the husband works 20 and 'day dreams and walks in the forest' I'll be very surprised.

That's my issue. The idea that it's okay for a woman to exercise, flower-arrange, fluff the cushions or whatever because she relies on a man to pay for her to do so.

PoorYorick · 02/03/2018 15:37

Apparently self indulgence is a bad thing.

Well, it's context, isn't it? It's not always a bad thing. If you suddenly decided to go part time even though it put too much pressure on your partner and he wasn't happy with the situation, it would indeed be bad. If you've discussed it and you're both happy with the situation, it's nobody else's business. Go full time, part time, SAHM, whatever works for your and your life partner.

Don't hang around here waiting for every other poster to choose the same path.

bigkidsdidit · 02/03/2018 15:38

I would be very worried about my pension, in your shoes. Going full time now would increase it a lot - and if your husband dies before you, as he statistically is likely to, it may save you from a completely miserable old age

DeleteOrDecay · 02/03/2018 15:38

Yes I have mental health issues which means I struggle to hold down a full time job. Hope that clears it up for you.

Original poster
speakout · 02/03/2018 15:39

cobrakai but you can because your DH works 60 hours a week. His employment choices are obviously influenced by your lack of desire for full time employment aren't they?

WTF??

No I don't influence that. My choices don't have a negative impact on him- quite the opposite.

You are simply making stuff up.

OP posts:
DeleteOrDecay · 02/03/2018 15:41

I did actually mention depression and anxiety in my original post also.

PoorYorick · 02/03/2018 15:41

Yes I have mental health issues which means I struggle to hold down a full time job. Hope that clears it up for you.

It's like I said: I don't actually give a shit. I've just seen a lot of people become ill from abusive workplaces and not realise that it isn't their fault. So on the fair possibility that you could be one of them- because working doesn't usually make people legitimately unwell - I threw the possibility out there for you.

You are free to ignore it totally, but I still can't see why it's offensive.

Anyway, you get on with being as happy and fulfilled as you sound.

Original poster
speakout · 02/03/2018 15:42

cobrakai - r because she relies on a man to pay for her to do so.

But I earn 50% more than my OH.

And some of my week involved walking through forests yes- talking photographs for my web site, seeking creativity, calming my mind, looking for inspiration.

OP posts:
PoorYorick · 02/03/2018 15:44

Gah OP. If you've discussed it with your partner and he's on board, and it works for you, just do it. Who cares what others think? You'll never please everyone and you wouldn't want to anyway.

CobraKai · 02/03/2018 15:47

So you're bringing in as much money as him? Could he work fewer hours (or for fewer years) if you worked more?

Would you be able to work 20 hours a week without his income? Could you support yourself?

I am genuinely struggling to see why any adult would happily potter about day dreaming because someone else is working themselves 'frazzled' subsidising that?