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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to work full time? Would you choose part time permanently?

145 replies

speakout · 02/03/2018 12:00

If you could would a 20 hour a week suit you?
Now that my youngest is about to go off to Uni I have no desire to increase to full time hours.
Wouldn't that be ideal for everyone- assuming money was not pressing.

OP posts:
TheFirstMrsDV · 02/03/2018 13:16

I have been part time for years.Since my 24yr old DC2 was born.
My career and pay has suffered. I am now earning less than I did when I was 20. I am 50.

I wouldn't have coped with full time though so no point in being bitter Grin

I have a disabled husband now and a disabled teen child so full time is not really an option even now my youngest is nearly 8

sallyandherarmy · 02/03/2018 13:18

I work 14 hours a week - 9-5 for 2 days.

I love my job so much that I always get to work for 8.15am and never leave before 6pm. The extra time is MY time.

Every full time job I have had, I have resented.

I am also lucky that my DH works very hard and earns very good money - in fact until I got this job, a year ago, I hadn't had to work for a whole 10 years.

We have the perfect balance now.

Original poster
speakout · 02/03/2018 13:27

but yellow- I couldn't watch my husband working those many hours and feeling frazzled whilst I did the odd few hours. Even working full time hours you would still have more than enough time to look after a house whilst he was at work.

I can't see how me working full time would help that situation.

My PT hours helps my OH.

As it is he comes home to a tidy and organised home, family sorted, bills paid, shopping done, food cooked.
My part time working eases his stress.

How would me working full time help him?

OP posts:
BoredOnMatLeave · 02/03/2018 13:28

I think I would work full-time if DP could go part-time. His job doesn't allow for it, I work park time because of young DD but I enjoy my job so wouldn't be a problem to go back full-time once she is in secondary school

Redrosebelle · 02/03/2018 13:29

I have worked 20 hours a week as a nurse for the last 2 years after maternity leave. I won’t be increasing my hours regardless because I feel so much better not being there full time!

PoorYorick · 02/03/2018 13:30

OP, that poster told you about her situation...in her case, part time wouldn't work for her because her husband would have to work extra hard to compensate and it would be bad for their relationship and how she would feel. You asked us if we'd choose PT - she's answered, and she wouldn't.

If your PT hours work best for your situation, go for it. As I said before, it really doesn't matter what works for other people if it works for you. You don't need our permission.

I8toys · 02/03/2018 13:32

I work 30 hours per week with 2 days working at home. Youngest ds went to secondary last September so could essentially go full time but I don't want to. I am lucky that my salary is good enough for me to keep this going as long as I want.

BrownTurkey · 02/03/2018 13:33

It’s fine, but don’t just think about now, think about whther it will diminish your joint or solo finances in retirement and if that will be ok.

LittlePearl · 02/03/2018 13:55

My husband works long hours and earns much more than me (I'm p/t, 2 days a week).

Sometimes I feel guilty that I have more choices and more time for myself than him. I work hard at other things, keep busy, help at the food back and support elderly parents so I don't sit around on my backside all day, but even so.....

His philosophy is, why should we both be really busy and stressed if only one of us needs to? I take the burden with housework, gardening, decorating, do all the finances, remember family birthdays, organise holidays and social things, and he feels I pull my weight in that respect. He often says he prefers not having to take a share of all that stuff, which he definitely would if I worked f/t.

I'm sure it wouldn't work for everyone but it works for us. Do what is right for you two.

DeleteOrDecay · 02/03/2018 13:57

I am a sahm at the moment but plan on 'only' going back to work part time and will probably stay part time unless it no longer is viable for me to do so.

I have worked full time pre-dc but always really struggled with it, I become depressed and my anxiety sky rockets, it's miserable and affects every aspect of my life. Fortunately my dp is understanding and encourages me to do what I need to do and It will mean that I am around to pick up the slack at home and with the dc whilst also contributing something financially to the household. He earns a decent wage working 39hours a week.

Thelampshadelady · 02/03/2018 13:57

I’m going part time in September once baby is born in May. I can’t wait, yes I will have less money but more free and I will have a new purpose to my life. Me and dh have agreed this is what will work for our family, we are both happy with the arrangement.
My personal thoughts, are that I’m a long time dead. I’d rather spend less time at work and more time enjoying life.
On the otherhand my husband loves working. He goes above and beyond for his company and he is rewarded accordingingly. If I can look after things at home so he can continue to work at the level he does and we are both happy then it’s win win!

PoorYorick · 02/03/2018 14:00

I have worked full time pre-dc but always really struggled with it, I become depressed and my anxiety sky rockets, it's miserable and affects every aspect of my life.

Sounds more like your job's awful.

Be a SAHM if it works for you and your partner, by all means, but if working full time is making you ill then it's likely your workplace or job that's the real problem.

musicmaiden · 02/03/2018 14:05

Some men like coming home to an immaculate house, a home cooked meal and a happy relaxed partner.

I'm sure we 'd all enjoy that, I don't think this is specific to men Hmm

Taffeta · 02/03/2018 14:07

ROFL @ “happy relaxed partner”

We don’t do those in our house Grin

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 02/03/2018 14:17

I gym a lot, my job is not clearly defined in terms of where a hobby stops and paid work begins. I work in a creative field, so daydreaming, walking in the forest for ideas or trying new projects is partly fun/partly work

I can see this is very pleasant for you, but to me, it seems rather self indulgent to do that, when your DH is working flat out 50 - 60 hour weeks.

ItIsReallyW1ndy · 02/03/2018 14:17

If you have no health issues I don't understand why you would choose to work part time (unless you have young children or other caring responsibilities) Surely this is decreasing your savings and pensions that you need for a time when you are retired. I understand that people want a work/life balance , but do the financial numbers add up )?

DeleteOrDecay · 02/03/2018 14:29

Be a SAHM if it works for you and your partner, by all means, but if working full time is making you ill then it's likely your workplace or job that's the real problem.

I worked a few full time jobs before having children. Some were not great but even the ones I did enjoy got too much for me but thanks for trying to tell me about my own life.

Flippetydip · 02/03/2018 14:33

I work FT, but from home which has its pros and cons. DH works PT and does the lion's share of childcare and house care. I also work away a reasonable amount which means that when I'm at home I feel like I need to be "at home", which leaves me no time for running, swimming, music, voluntary activities etc etc.

We hope to have the mortgage paid off by this time next year and I'm definitely dropping a day a week

Skippetydoodah · 02/03/2018 14:36

I work sort of part time, and have done for the last year or so (9 day fortnights). No DCs, but I'd reached a point in my life where I just want to be at work less and at home more and couldn't quite manage the pay cut for 4 day weeks. I did get quite a lot of raised eyebrows when I applied for it in work thought, there seems to be a school of thought that the only acceptable reason for working less than full time is if you have young children.

I'd like not to work at all tbh, I'd make a fabulous housewife!

CobraKai · 02/03/2018 14:51

I'd be a 'happy relaxed partner' if all I had to do was a bit of housework and 'pottering about'. I think everyone would. It's really not hard work.

Original poster
speakout · 02/03/2018 14:58

I can see this is very pleasant for you, but to me, it seems rather self indulgent to do that, when your DH is working flat out 50 - 60 hour weeks.

Goouser- why is that self indulgent?
What about people who work full time and love their job?
Is that self indulgent?

DH works in an industry that demands long hours- I'm not responsible for that.

OP posts:
DarthNigel · 02/03/2018 14:59

I do 28 hours now and it's ideal.except the pay which is low.

FreeNiki · 02/03/2018 15:03

A four day week Id love.

CobraKai · 02/03/2018 15:06

I suppose there has to be one benefit to the patriarchy. I can't imagine anyone thinking it was fab for a man with adult children to 'potter about and nurture himself' while his wife works the equivalent of almost 2 full time jobs.

Racheyg · 02/03/2018 15:13

Slightly different ages but my youngest will go to school in 18 months time and oh said "oh when ds2 starts school you can go back 5 days a week" haha no bloody way I like my 3 days a week