To make it clear 16yo DS1 is expected at Granny's for dinner tonight?

[Passportto]

Ever since DC were tiny they've gone to my Mum's for tea on a Friday.

When they were little they loved going and still benefit from a close relationship with GPs. Now they're older the prospect is less exciting but they still usually go without complaint. Don't stay that long but make some effort to tell GPs about their week. GPs look forward to it.

They've been off school since Weds and DS1 has been going to the next town (where his school is) to meet up with friends. This has involved a bus or when the buses have stopped running, a long walk and he's been getting home c. 10pm. I've said he should be back in time for tea today.

I can't "make him", I don't think. He's old enough to decide for himself and he's not inconsiderate really - he did pop in to see them when passing yesterday and see if they needed anything while he was out. WIBU to lay on a bit of guilt about how important it is for him to make sure he's back in time? He's about to leave to meet friends for breakfast, so he'll have a fairly long day with them. I also understand it's not fun to be the one who has to leave early.

No YABU. It’s not reasonable to “expect” a 16 year old to go to their grandparents every Friday. Things change. Your DS doesn’t and shouldn’t have a “duty” to visit them every week.

To be honest op we go out with friends on a Friday night and we are 50! Don’t you do stuff yourself Friday nights or just want to chill with s wine after work? Of course teenagers love Friday nights!!

Your dad is s tad controlling isn’t he?

I think now is the time for your dad to realise that things won't stay the same forever and there will be weeks when DS doesn't show up. And for DS to be reminded that if he isn't going he needs to let his grandparents know before they start to cook for him. Other than than minor tweak it all sounds pretty lovely tbh.

No I don't get it in the neck if he doesn't go, he often doesn't go if he has other places to be. I'd get it in the neck if he didn't turn up without letting them know.

Dinner is usually early but if he's going out in the evening, Mum is more than happy to do dinner earlier if he needs it, he quite often rings and asks her to do just that. He sometimes rings to tell them he won't be going because he has other plans. Today the issue was that he didn't know if he was going to be back or not. I have already explained this.

Anyway he was home in good time. We've had a nice chat about how much they like having him but he can choose, he just needs to let them know if he wants to change things, which he already knew, so he looked at me like He says he likes going off he went with a lovely smile.

I don't think dad's controlling, no. He just expects certain courtesies. That's not unreasonable.

But OP your thread seemed initially about making him go whether he wanted to or not, not about ensuring he let them know if he wasn't going. The first scenario YABU, the second scenario YANBU

Oh, so your dad’s not unreasonable now but earlier he was definitely a problem

I’m not sure why you posted if everything is so hunky dory all round!

"Expectations", "sense of duty". Oh dear. Your DF sounds like FIL who DS (15) finds increasingly difficult to be around. Your DS is a young adult and would probably far rather spend his Friday evenings with his friends instead of his grandparents but is too polite to say.
Your DF is not in charge of you all. I fear your parents will make your life hard work as they age.

I think maybe have a gentle word with your mum and dad to explain that as he’s 16 now, these regular Friday night dinners are probably going to become less frequent and they need to adjust their automatic assumption he’ll come.

It sounds a bit of a bind to me.