AIBU To be upset that my best friend hasn't bought my child a birthday present?

[Magicdancingboots]

I really hate to admit that this has upset me, and I think I just need a reality check.
AIBU to expect my best friend of 10+ years to get my child a birthday present or at least a card? It's soooooo not about the money, just a card would do or a book for a couple of quid because she knows she loves books. Am I asking too much and being a complete bitch for thinking this? She's the type of friend that will chew your ear off for an hour and barely asks about how me or dd are. She lives about 5mins away and is a very organised person so would never had forgotten.
I can't quite pin point what it is exactly that upsets me...am I just being an unreasonable selfish cow and need to get over it? (I'm also ready to pop with ds so I am feeling extra hormonal too!)

I've never bought presents for any of my friends' kids. It just leads to endless reciprocal present buying and most kids have enough stuff. We did small xmas presents when they were small.
If you wanted to talk about your pregnancy then why didn't you bring it up? If you met up then she maybe felt it was covered in a general "how are you?" type comment as surely your pregnancy is part of your life and how you are feeling not a special thing requiring its own questions. Most friends aren't that interested in their friends' kids unless they have similar age kids. Now mine are adults some of my friends have never met my kids so have no interest in them. That's fine. They're my friends interested in me. I have other people I can chat to about my kids (mainly my relatives).
Don't discard friends just because they are interested in you and not fussed about tales of Tiny Tim. When they get older you'll want people who are interested in you as a person not you as a mummy.

I wouldn't expect any of my friends to buy presents for DD. Some of them have, some of them haven't. It's nice if they feel they want to, but I would hate to think anyone felt it was expected!

YABU

my friends have never bought presents or cards for my kids - and it has never crossed my mind. and I don't buy presents or cards for friends kids either - unless my children are going to a party or something. my nieces and nephews live overseas so I don't buy presents or cards for their birthdays either - but I do treat them when I see them or give them money towards things they want. Just not on their actual birthdays. I'm sorry I think you are thinking too much into this. This person is your friend - not your child's friend. If you are not happy with the friendship that is a different story - but don't make it about presents/cards for your child.

I used to buy for all my friends kids, but it got ridiculous the more dc they had, none of my friends minded in fact they agreed that I should stop. It did use to bug me slightly that I would get these twee little notes from tiny babies thanking me for the gift but nothing not even a text when they’d grown up and were capable of thanking me themselves. It really does mount up financially.

I buy for my best friends children and they buy for mine- YANBU.

I think a card would be just as nice tho- something to acknowledge your child’s special day

I don’t buy for any of my friends children unless we are specifically invited to a party, and would never expect them to do the same for my dc. It’s nice if people remember and wish them happy birthday and ask them whether they are having a nice day/party/ presents etc.

She's never really interested in dd and maybe that is my issue!

But why should she be interested in your kid, OP? The child is yours, not your friends. To your friend she’s just another random kid just like all the others.

My friends kids are not the same as all other kids AT ALL. Do people seriously think this way about their friends kids?!

I don’t think this is about a present...

I think YABU to be upset about the present thing. I would never buy for friends kids and can barely manage to remember family birthdays though I do tend to send cards to family. I’m sorry I’m just not a birthday person, I don’t really see why it needs to be about accumulating more and more stuff.
I don’t think you are unreasonable to be annoyed about what you feel is a one sided friendship though. Perhaps you can talk to her about it? I don’t know how that would go or if you are close enough for that?

"In response to the comments "but she's your friend not your kids friend", "some people just don't have an interest in kids" etc...

Isn't the point that friends are supposed to take an interest and be supportive in your life, regardless of what's going on? Is a simple "how's the little one doing?" or a birthday card in the post so much to ask?

An example: friend gets new job and moans about it. I have no interest or knowledge on what she is talking about but I'm there for her because she's my friend. Next time I see her I'll ask how the jobs going.

Or, friend starts new diet which means we need to be less free with where we go for dinner, can't do our usual wine meet ups etc. Again, not ideal and I can't empathise with it but I'll still be supportive and ask her how she's getting on now and then."
*
^^ This.
*
Plus some friendships only work if you're both at the same life-stage ime.

YABU.
I'd buy her a birthday present but wouldn't expect presents for children.

If she doesnt have kids herself and isnt struggling financially I can see why you are hurt. But I dont think you should take it personally. It may just not have occurred to her? She doesnt have chidlren herself so perhaps she didnt know what to get or maybe thought you would have specific things you wanted to get your child?

I dont get presents for my child from any of my friends unless they have kids themselves and have attended a birthday party for my child. But not always even then. I dont mind at all.

YABU

She's the type of friend that will chew your ear off for an hour and barely asks about how me or dd are

Then why would you expect her to buy a gift/card?

We need more info. Does she usually buy something for her.
Does she have children. Do you buy for them.
Does she buy for her others friends children.
If you said Yes to each question. I don't blame you for being peeved.
If you answered no. YABU.

Yabu

None of my friends get my children birthday presents usually. I don't expect it. Even if people come to a birthday party I don't see presents as obligatory, I invite them because I wish to celebrate with them.

Whether you get here presents or not is also irrelevant as you don't give to receive.

She doesn't have any kids and no nieces or nephews. I buy presents for my friends kids in our close circle.

If she doesn't have kids it probably doesnt occur to her to buy gifts for friends kids. Also you're expecting her to gift your child, so will you be buying her two gifts for birthdays/Christmas? Otherwise you are expecting her to always gift your family unit more than you would gift to her ... and if you have more children and she stays child free then her gift bill just rises despite the fact she has zero relationship with them beyond them being her friend's children.

I have lots of friends who have kids and I only buy presents for the children of my best friend. If I and/or my DD are invited to the birthday parties of friends children then I will buy a gift but otherwise I dont buy for them, and I would never expect them to buy for DD.

With my best friend I only buy gifts for her children because her eldest is my godson as she had him as a 16yr old single mum - I was one of her few friends from our social circle that made an effort to keep in contact and support her and I was around a lot for her son's first few years. I then moved away and she got married and had two more children and so when I came home to visit if brought my godson a gift I obviously bought her other two children a small gift too. When I moved home again we made the effort to see each other and now meet up at least once a week but they usually have at least one child in attendance (e.g. morning coffee after the school run will be with her and her 3yr old if it's a day she isn't in nursery; wine and a takeaway is at one or other of our houses so there are kids begging to stay up to share our food because they are starving at 8pm tucked up in bed etc) so I actually have a relationship with her children as well as her (and she is the same with my DD) so gifting is a part of that. Other friends I never see with their kids because we only ever get together for adult events - going out to dinner, to see a show etc - so their kids are obviously part of their lives and I ask about them, but I don't have a personal relationship with them and so I don't buy them gifts.

I know she is MY friend but I am a sahm at the moment so dd is my life

being a sahm doesn't mean your child is your whole life. Your friends are your friends, not your childrens friends. I have loads of kids but I'm still not very interested in my friends children and don't expect them to be interested in mine.