To expect my ex to do this?

[bitzy12]

My kids usually travel to see their dad every other weekend. They should be going his weekend but with the weather they aren't. The weather looks as though it's clear now and isn't going to be too bad over the weekend but ex is saying they can't come. Now that's fair enough, there is still a lot of snow about and I don't really fancy the drive. He's saying how bad it is where he is however weather reports suggest otherwise.

However I've asked if that he can still travel to us and see them either tomorrow or Sunday. If he doesn't, the kids won't see him for 4 weeks.

He does this all through October - December where he works weekends and just has Sunday's off for the extra money which means the kids only see him for one day.

Therefore I didn't expect it to be a problem. But he's just said 'probably not, see what the weathers like'

I wouldn't mind if I got a reply something along the lines of : 'yeah I'll do my best to come see them'

He's a pretty s**t dad in a lot of areas, he does love and care about them but because he lives away, he uses that as an excuse to not really be involved in any part of their life. Dcs think he's the best though and that's what matters.

It's caused an argument. Mainly at his attitude.

AIBU to think he should come and see them? Dcs will be gutted when they find out they aren't going big even more than they might not see their dad for another 2 weeks. As I've said, he won't be bothered that his kids are upset. I imagine he will be rubbing his hands together thinking 'free weekend'

He sounds shit. I wouldn't cope not seeing my child for weeks at a time, I can't think who would be rubbing their hands with glee other than total wasters.

ffs leave him be. roads are horrendous.

@Pengggwn thank you, I'm glad you agree with me. Like I said, totally agree with kids not travelling. But as for him, he should be putting the extra effort in. He barely does anything for them as it is but can't even spend an extra hour travelling to come see his kids.

Not where we are @BlackeyedSusan that's the point. No road closures in place, traffic as normal. If it was going to be treacherous conditions fair enough but it's not.

YABU - The snow and ice is not the only issue, it's the wind too. If it's too dangerous for you to drive then it's too dangerous for your ex. Talk about double bloody standards.

Is the drive only bad when it’s you driving? You dont fancy the drive but he has to do it? That’s a bit odd.

Totally disagree. Not double standards at all. Just a parent wanting their dcs to see their dad but he's so crap but he will use any excuse not to see them. We have no weather warnings in place as already stated.

But you won't drive yourself? You're being a complete hypocrite!

I thought the whole of the U.K. had weather warnings to some degree....

He can facetime them and they can ask to see how snowy it is out his window. If it's clear he'll be caugh in a lie Unfortunately this is my experiennce of non redident DFs (I'll get bollocked for that generalisation but IN MY EXPERIENCE). DD's twat of a father goes one step further putting in minimum effort, barely seeing her not bothering, vanishing sporadically, lying to HMRC and fiddling his tax returns paying the minimum (he's on final warning for us going NC and despite my best efforts DD isn't interested in seeing him). But we also get the sob stories and bullshit on Facebook vilifying me and the way he carries on to people you'd think he is Peter Andre. Bloody infuriating and upsetting so YANBU however your DC will make their own minds up in afew years and they'll not be impressed with his track record. DDs father seems to forget that texts are permanant and printable so when she's a grownup if need be i have a transcript of how shit he has been.

So why can’t you drive then? Since it’s so important to you that they see their dad ?

Can you swap weekends so he has them next weekend?

I totally agree with none of us travelling tonight. However on Sunday when everything will of cleared, that's a different story. If the weather is still bad then I absolutely wouldn't expect him to travel. But all weather reposts suggest the worst is over for us already.

If you read my post, it's more about his attitude. If he isn't willing to come then fair enough but he could at least act as though hes gutted he will not be seeing his children for 4 weeks. It's the fact he is using the weather not to see his children at all this weekend when he more than likely will be able too.

And to point out, I have no car on Saturday or sunday daytimes as dh works. I usually collect them Sunday evening when he has finished work and this is the way it always has been.

I’m in an amber area.

The main roads are fine but my side road is awful. I didn’t let DS drive to work last night I took him and brought him back (he’s a new driver).

3 miles down the main road has bucket loads of snow and my friend can’t get out at all. BBC weather say it’s the same as here.

You can’t judge on reports online really.

My ex has our DC EOW. Roads are okay where he is but absolutely horrendous where we are (45 mins away) and no buses are running so we decided I’d keep the kids this weekend. No fuss, no bother. He’s upset, DC are upset but that’s what FaceTime is for. I also have a raging ear infection and burst ear drum so could have done with being alone this weekend however the DC safety comes first as well as my ex’s safety on the roads. It’s shit all round but it’s a one off!

I think the underlying issue here is that you're frustrated that he has been a bit of a deadbeat in general and is happy to go so long without seeing them, which isn't best for the kids. My ex just went 4 weeks without seeing our child even without the weather and is refusing to pay child maintenance because he went on holiday for a week. I can definitely relate to the frustration, and the fact that you're the one who's going to have to tell the kids that daddy isn't coming. I would do what someone else suggested. Get him on some sort of videochat so he can talk to them, and have him explain to them about the weather and not being able to come.

The snow could be bad where he is, 20 minutes down the road from us there is no snow, It really does differ where ever you go.

@ASqueakingInTheShrubbery we could swap.....he has plans that was my first suggestion. He's just a massive twat and the attitude towards his kids is getting to me. It's not about the weather, it's the fact he just cant go that extra mile for them ever when he barely does anything for them in the first place.

It bothers me that he's not even upset at the fact he won't see them for another 2 weeks. That's what's made me angry. I'm going to be faced with 2 very upset dcs while he's not even giving them a second thought. I know you can't help the weather but it would at least be nice if he could of said 'I'll do my very best to see them' he's already said no without even waiting to see what it's like.

Oh I know it's not bad where he is. I'm still friends with a lot of people in that area and hey had no school closures or anything. One of my best friends posted on fb they are all abit gutted it's not been bad....she lives 4 doors down from him.

We've had it worse than this particular area.

How do you know he isn't upset? You're his ex he isn't exactly going to pout his heart out to you is he? I doubt he'd win either way. If he promised you he'd try his best and didn't turn up, you'd be back here moaning about him.

Why is he unreasonable for not doing what you want him to? The children aren't going because of the weather, fine, but it's not really fair to give him a plan b and then be pissed off he's not doing what you expect. The kids will live for one weekend

@NukaColaGirl that's the difference through. Your ex is upset, mine isn't.

I think YABU.

He doesn’t have to dance to your tune anymore. Even if he was upset, why would he tell you?