To expect my ex to do this?

[bitzy12]

My kids usually travel to see their dad every other weekend. They should be going his weekend but with the weather they aren't. The weather looks as though it's clear now and isn't going to be too bad over the weekend but ex is saying they can't come. Now that's fair enough, there is still a lot of snow about and I don't really fancy the drive. He's saying how bad it is where he is however weather reports suggest otherwise.

However I've asked if that he can still travel to us and see them either tomorrow or Sunday. If he doesn't, the kids won't see him for 4 weeks.

He does this all through October - December where he works weekends and just has Sunday's off for the extra money which means the kids only see him for one day.

Therefore I didn't expect it to be a problem. But he's just said 'probably not, see what the weathers like'

I wouldn't mind if I got a reply something along the lines of : 'yeah I'll do my best to come see them'

He's a pretty s**t dad in a lot of areas, he does love and care about them but because he lives away, he uses that as an excuse to not really be involved in any part of their life. Dcs think he's the best though and that's what matters.

It's caused an argument. Mainly at his attitude.

AIBU to think he should come and see them? Dcs will be gutted when they find out they aren't going big even more than they might not see their dad for another 2 weeks. As I've said, he won't be bothered that his kids are upset. I imagine he will be rubbing his hands together thinking 'free weekend'

bobstersmum RTFT - it’s not that he doesn’t think it’s safe enough to drive, it’s that he’s planning to go to Liverpool with his mates and doesn’t want to see his kids

@bitzy12 you must be so hurt on your kid’s behalf. Have a great time this weekend. I hope you enjoy yourselves and take your mind off it.

He is a twat. Your children are lucky to have you.

Bitzy ignore pirate shes obviously projecting. Your ex is dick he has validated that with his behaviour this weekend.

@piratequeenio projecting much! I hope your DP will never give you a reason to eat your words.

Jeez no wonder there’s so many deadbeat dads about with so many handmaidens to apologise and minimise their ‘efforts’. Talk about setting the bar low.

I'm not sure why there are so many posters who jump in desperately trying to defend deadbeat dads on these types of threads but they always turn up to tell the op they ABU and to suck it up.

Op I would also agree with pp's that if you stop trying to facilitate his relationships with his DC you will save yourself added stress in the long run. It sucks that he's not more interested in them but they will eventually realise this anyway but unfortunately you can't make him step up and be the dad they deserve.

'He doesn't have to dance to your tune anymore'

Oh, it's more about getting one over on the RP than actually thinking of the benefits to the DC with you is it?

You can tell the posters that would not make the effort for their own DC and would rather guilt the other parent into doing all the leg work if the DC are upset.

Fuck me, there are some handmaidens on here this morning.

He's a pathetic excuse for a father OP, but as usual, even though you do 99% of the parenting, the handmaidens would have you believe that you should do more and should never expect ANY kind of responsibility from a man, who is already doing more than enough (even when that's nothing at all). It sickens me. I assume he wanted to have children? So why the hell does he get to shirk being a parent AND have people defend him for it?

All I can tell you is that the day will come when the kids grow up and realise what a shit parent his is. My dad was just the same, I've not spoken to him in over 15 years now. Don't lie for him, don't cover for him, let him fuck up his relationship with them if that's what he wants, sadly you can't force him to care.

*I think YABU.

He doesn’t have to dance to your tune anymore. Even if he was upset, why would he tell you?*

So parenting your children is now considered dancing to your exs tune? So OP can just walk out on her kids for 4 weeks then and not parent them at all too right? And that wouldn't mean that she doesn't care about them of course. She doesn't have to dance to his tune after all....