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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know IABU but DS's 1st birthday is going to be shit

69 replies

OuchBollocks · 01/03/2018 21:38

I know he won't understand or remember, but we had to cancel his little family party today (snow), we won't get out tomorrow (snow), no post has come with any cards from family (snow) so he has one sad little tesco card from DH and I, I baked a cake but it is an utter cakewreck, and DD will probably try to pinch his new toys. Her 1st birthday was a gorgeous summer day, family in the garden, loads of presents, huge fuss. His is just a normal, somewhat crappy day.

I feel crappy anyway because he seems to get a raw deal (unavoidably) and it took me quite a while to bond with him - his first few months were riddled with pain and illnesses and injury. I bonded with DD instantly even though her birth was appalling and she was what they call a 'high needs' baby, and DS is a happy wee soul.

So IABU and need to give my head a wobble I suppose but I feel crap. Happy 1st birthday DS :(

OP posts:
twobambinos · 01/03/2018 21:41

Happy 1st birthday 🎂 don't beat yourself up too much plenty more years to make up for it.

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 01/03/2018 21:41

The great thing about 1 year olds is, not only will he not remember, but he has no concept of what date it is - if it means a lot to you to have a party/day out/cake/whatever, do it in a couple of weeks when the weather is better. Flowers

MadMags · 01/03/2018 21:41

Yeah, you’re being a bit silly!

Next week he can have his cards, presents, and lots of people around him.

His cake and present from you guys will do him just fine. And simply put, you don’t allow dd to take his toys!

BellyBean · 01/03/2018 21:42

But he gets snow on his birthday! Bundle him up and take some pics!

Dermymc · 01/03/2018 21:42

Better this one then one when he has a clue what's going on.

Happy birthday little boy! His is very exciting and special and you'll likely not see weather like this for a long time. Take pics of him in the snow and treasure the memories.

pinkdonkey · 01/03/2018 21:44

At least it's a birthday he won't understand or remember, he won't be disappointed like he would if he was older. Reschedule his party and enjoy having a great time when the weather is better. And how many kids get to play in the snow on their first birthday.

Chienrouge · 01/03/2018 21:44

We had to cancel DD2’s first birthday party because DH had an accident and was in hospital. By the time he was out the moment had passed and we didn’t do anything.
We made up for it on her second birthday!

Loopyloopy · 01/03/2018 21:44

Sleeporsugar is right - plan a nice day out for the four of you whwn the weather is better. It needn't be on his actual birthday.

mnahmnah · 01/03/2018 21:45

I’m working until late on my DS2 1st birthday, so won’t even see him apart from an hour that morning. Can’t be helped so I am refusing to think about it or I will get upset! We’re going to pretend it’s the day after instead

Wakeuptortoise · 01/03/2018 21:45

Aw bless him. He really won't know. Just make a fuss of him. Can you rearrange the party?

Dcdfcdfc · 01/03/2018 21:45

Well at least you know you are being unreasonable. That’s a good start!

Hope you all have a lovely day even if it’s not the one you planned,

Clem7 · 01/03/2018 21:46

If he was a little older he’d be delighted by snow on his birthday! As things stand he won’t have any idea or memory of it. Definitely take some snowy pictures though.

Niceandwarmandhot · 01/03/2018 21:47

You know you're being silly because you love him, so you aren't being unreasonable! He won't know. Enjoy time with him and rearrange the little party for when the snow has gone. Happy birthday for tomorrow!

TheBrilloPad · 01/03/2018 21:47

Yes - make lovely memories. Snowy pictures, a birthday snowman, in for hot chocolate or warm milk and tear up orange/red paper to make a "bonfire" in the lounge etc etc. You can re-tell as it "your first birthday was just the four of us, and it was the most wonderful precious day in the world".

user1488397844 · 01/03/2018 21:49

But everyone will still come and see him, he will get extra attention from everyone on separate visits & have his birthday essentially spread out over a few days / weeks and who doesn't want that!? It's natural to feel disappointed when you've been looking forward to it but honestly he won't care. You're together,happy and healthy and that's all that matters
Given the weather it could be a lot worse x

MaryPoppinsImperfectSister · 01/03/2018 21:50

BellyBean has the right idea. Just have some fun and stop worrying over it.

When my DS turned 3 I had no money so I got him two glazed donuts and shoved three candles in. All his photos are of him cheesing for the camera while happily eating the donuts that he had all to himself and didn't have to share with anyone.

You can turn this "disaster" into a fun and funny memory.

TaggieRR · 01/03/2018 21:50

TheBrilloPad has some lovely ideas. Don’t feel sad OP, think of it as a special day for your little family. If you don’t let yourself get upset and look for the positives, you will love the snowy photos in a few years!

Cakecrumbsinmybra · 01/03/2018 21:53

DS1 first birthday was crap too - we’d just moved house so I hardly knew anyone. DH was at work as it was a week day. A woman I’d met at playgroup was going to bring her just 1 year old over but DS1 had a stinking cold and was miserable so I told her not to come. I hadn’t made a cake (I think house was an utter state) and he had a bloody Colin the Caterpillar cake. But he didn’t care and I still took some lovely photos of him, and he doesn’t seem to scarred by the experience- he’s had 10 more, much better birthdays since. Enjoy the day!

Justanothernap · 01/03/2018 21:53

I'd be the same. I'm a bit obsessed about my littlest getting all the fuss my first did. I don't know why. He doesn't care. Anyway have a little wallow in nonsensical maternal guilt. It just shows how much you love them. Then let it go. Reschedule. And have a lovely birthday party for your happy little soul. And maybe buy in a cake Grin

thisisme2018 · 01/03/2018 21:55

Happy Birthday to your DS. I agree with other posters that you can arrange a family day out when the weather is better. It may feel like it's been a crappy day but that wasn't the way you wanted it to be. In this case, it really is the thought that counts.

Happened · 01/03/2018 21:55

Aww this would upset me too ☹️

I'd do something in a few weeks time.

Handsfull13 · 01/03/2018 21:56

His birthday will be good because he will be surround by family that love him. He doesn't need extended family or a party, you can still do something when the weather is better.
And don't worry about the bonding. I have twins boys not long turned one, I bonded with one faster then the other purely because of how high maintenance one was over the other. You bond with a baby that demands your attention at all times quicker but that doesn't change how much you love them.
Make the most of your day with him and enjoy it 🎂

MorningsEleven · 01/03/2018 21:57

If it helps DS developed a hydrocele on his 2nd birthday and we spent in in OOH waiting for someone to look at his big, blue testicle! He got his presents in the end and we can laugh about it now Cake

AppleKatie · 01/03/2018 21:57

Take loads of pics of him outside in a snow suit and turn it into a funny family story - that year when it all went wrong for your birthday but we loved you so much. Ready made family gold there OP!

Original poster
OuchBollocks · 01/03/2018 21:59

You are all making an irrational guilt-plagued woman feel better, thank you :)

OP posts:
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